A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My parents want to take advantage of me, what do you think? This is a huge problem that I have with my parents. They want to take advantage of me financially. They supported my education, and they want their money back. However, in my country this is not legal, to ask a daughter or son to pay back what parents spent on education because under the law here it is their obligation to do so, even if the daughter or son is older than 21. So, under the law I am protected. I have not been living with them for 10 years. I only go to their house as a visitor. Now I am staying with them for a couple of months. I will travel abroad next year. 3 years ago, when I was in another country they sent me an email threatening me saying that I should return the money plus interests to them, otherwise they would take legal action against me. The letter really surprised me, it seemed to me that in thirty years I was just beginning to know them. I forwarded the email to other family members and they got upset, so my parents took their word back (apparently). However, I know their intentions over my money are still there. They always care about where I work, how much I am making, how much am I paying for rent. My father even asked me to give him my job contracts, so that later he could sue me or at least he thinks he could sue me.I feel like disappearing and changing my name and never be found by them, since they are not letting me live my life.By the way my parents are not poor, they own 3 houses and receive their rent, they are retired. My impression is that they want to have me as a slave, like I am their private property in order to produce for them. Another detail I want to share is that they took money from my scholarship to build a house. Now they deny that situation, saying the house is only theirs, and that I have no right to live there.Now they want my salary or future salary to build more houses, yet I do not own any place to live.Some people have told me my parents are opportunists, that jumped on the money wagon once I started making good money, what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to provide an update on my parents' situation. I have lived on my own for 6 years and due to the visit of my brother who lives in the U.S. I went to my parents house, only to see him to talk to him about my interest in applying to schools in the U.S.
So my brother, for some reason, thought that I was living with my parents again and told me to stay there and take some classes so that, once I arrive in the U.S., I would have a good background. I think mostly he suggested that so that I don't have to worry about working. So, in total I would have to live 1 year with my parents, while I wait the responses from universities, which to me is really the longest time I have ever been with them under the current circumstances.
I have been living with them 6 months already, and it has been the longest 6 months of my life. As time passes, they get meaner towards me and do worse things to me. About 2 weeks ago my father tried to hit me because my mother started crying saying I disrespected her. My father yelled at me for hours, until he got tired. He did this knowing I had to take an admissions test very soon.
What I saw in his attitude could be two things, either he is already suffering from dementia (they are 70), because it seems he has no control on his actions many times. If my mother told him to jump off a bridge, it seems he would do it. Or it could also be that they are taking some form of drug that changes so much behavior.My mother seems to hate me, she accusses me all the time with other people in the family, even about trivial things.
There is another brother in the picture who lives in my country and he is mentally retarded, which is not noticeable but due to that he could not finish college. It seems that my parents want to take on me the frustration of this other son, which is not my fault at all. It is as if I had a child with mental problems and would blame it on my parents. They seem to get angry their other children are doing well and trying to ruin it to make up for this other son.
I would love to leave, really, but unfortunately, my brother who is supposed to help me with my paperwork to travel is sort of blackmailing me to stay there.
I don't know what to do right now, I know eventually I will get as far as possible from my parents.
A
female
reader, funny  +, writes (27 December 2010):
Hi,
I'm not sure which country you are from and although culture plays a part in how you would treat your family members, generally I believe how you treat your family member depends on the relationship you have between yourselves.
For some adult children who have a decent communicative relationship with their parents, they probably would not mind if one or both parents are 'taking advantage' of them or are opportunists. Afterall, no one is perfect and as children, we hope our parents could accept and love us despite our strengths and weaknesses or differences from them. So why shouldn't we do the same for them?
Having said that, it sounds like you have some issues with your parents you need to get sorted out first. Sounds like you are angry with them for treating you like a cash cow rather than a child to be loved. Suggest you sort out those issues within yourself as I doubt your parents would change to become more of what you want them to be. Then, when you are happy with yourself and happy with your life, you might think that you it wouldn't hurt to give them something back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice anonymous. I think you really understood what I am going through. Better days are yet to come.
I will eliminate them quietly from my life. I am packing my stuff and finding a place to stay.
I think they don't love any of their children only themselves.
I planned on doing another thing which I am not sure will be right. I felt like telling my parents' relatives, sisters and aunts, how they really are. Do you think it will be advisable, once I am far away from them in another country? Or is it best not to worry about them anymore?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): I feel bad for you. My parents are opportunistic and tyrannical as well, so I know exactly how you feel. Only I did discover this early in my life.
It is clear that your parents are after your money and do not care about you. So it is about time to dump the greedy Methuselahs, who never were worthy of praise anyway.
You may struggle with confused feelings for a bit, but in the end you'll see the light and understand that THEY NEVER LOVED YOU (their investment!) and you'll move on. I know you will, you are a very strong woman and they cannot even make a dent in your armor. A good husband will make you COMPLETELY forget about them, trust me.
You should have turned that email over to the authorities for some serious fun. If your parents threaten or stalk you again, do not hesitate to report them to the authorities. You know it is the right thing to do.
Quietly eliminate them from your life; take all your possessions back, sell any unwanted ones, find a decent place to live, BULLETPROOF YOUR ASSETS (excellent lawyer guides are sold on the Internet) and possibly change name. Changing name in Anglo-Saxon countries should be fairly easy, ask a good attorney for details.
Good luck, brave lady, and be victorious! And do not go back to your parents, ever: they are irredeemable.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 I think that it may be time to move far away from your parents as I do not see them suddenly changing. If they try to sue you then thats something that you will just have to go through but you don't have to worry about losing. I would definitely move out and distance myself from them, at least the rest of the family will back you up on this. Maybe you could stay with someone else until you can get you own place.
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