A
female
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Jovial
writes:So often we fall in love with someone who is not in love with us and chase after them that we fail to notice those who are chasing after us. Relationships are complicated so are we. Have u ever been asked how is it so far with your boyfriend? Are you happy? And you thought to yourself what is that suppose to mean? of course I am happy with him then you pause still in your thought am I? Then you clearly respond “It’s complicated” and the next person just shake his/her head and change the subject. S/He knows from experience once u get such a response there is no place for a second question.When it come to relationships life seem very unfair; if you have been unlucky in this department its like when you go east love goes west, you go north love goes south you are never to keep up with its wild flow. Why are relationships so complicated are we so complex that we don’t know what we want or we know what we want but don’t how to receive it? Sometimes because of desperation we tend to misplace our hearts resulting to settle in what is there because we are tired of hunting inside what seem to be an empty ‘love forest’. We give up searching and accept the defeat meaning if you have an abusive partner you will stay with him/her because s/he seem to be the only one who showed interest in you or who married you, who dated you the longest or has the best financial security. We start searching for excuses that makes us feel better while the truth is we feel like dirt, we want to scream for attention, we want to be seen or heard but yet we hide in the shadow of our vulnerability. We make all excuses we can think about. If we have kids we will hide behind their interests like my kids need both his/her parents under one roof. Are you happy under that roof? Are you satisfied? Are you proud of waking up there every morning? Do you cry yourself to sleep and wake-up feeling like you had been hit by a train? Do you think your child is too blind to see through your sad eyes?For those of you who hides behind your children have u ever thought about what your child thinks of you? Your child might be thinking if I ever get married to a man like my father/mother I will never be stupid enough to stay with them such long; your child looks at you and feels sorry for you. Maybe that’s the reason why s/he likes spending time with other people except you. Your child shouts at you and swears at you because that’s how mommy or daddy speaks to you its like to him/her that’s the only language you understand. And someone asks you “Are you happy in your marriage?” And your response “It’s complicated” is it? Indeed love conquers all but alone can it make a relationship work? What is it that complements love to make a wholesome relationship? I asked my colleague what makes him think his marriage is successful he said “I love my wife, I honour and respect her don’t get me wrong I am not saying I honour her wishes I am saying I honour the person she is” She is the kind of person I can not live with but I cant live without and that’s all that matters to me” I asked him your explanation seem complicated a little and he said no its straight forward because I know how she is different from the other (2) ladies I seriously dated -------- I thought I was inlove with them could live with them but there seem to be nothing wrong if I picture myself without them the picture seemed perfect nothing was missing until I met her I knew she is the one I could picture her as everything that matters to me including being the mother of my children. After this mouthful I was speechless and I couldn’t think of anything but managed to say “May God richly bless you and your wife”And you ask yourself if this guy could see the difference between what was right and wrong for him why am I so blind to separate Mr Right from Mr wrong? Am I not intelligent enough to see why he doesn’t return my calls after the passionate night we spent? Is the writing on the wall not clear enough for me to read? An educated capable child? Is there something my parents or the books I have read never taught me?Why is it so easy to attach the best emotions to an unlikely to happen relationship? Am I allowed to say it’s complicated and stay unhappy? Or am I allowed to move on without thinking of what is best for my children, lover or my family’s reputation? Why is love so difficult to fathom? They said it’s blind but yet doesn’t deliver us from our weaknesses. Is it wise to excuse my staying in an unhappy relationship by labeling it ‘Complicated’?I would like a lot more contribution on this! Maybe all our opinions together might help us to move away from staying in relationships that brings nothing more than turmoil. Jovial
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reader, Jovial +, writes (21 April 2008):
Jovial is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Bitterblue you have raised some interesting points I just wish we could all learn to be cautios than anxious.
Jovial
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): A very good article. Shows a very good understanding of people's reactions and reasons. "It's complicated" is a reaction to excuse being in an unhappy relationship, primarily to ourselves! I'd like to note that certain have not yet had the opportunity to experience a more satisfying relationship nor have been able to excerpt relevant passages from other people's situations, thus have come to believe as they don't have a proper reference point, what they have is the utmost there can possibly be, becoming their own accomplice to that unhappiness to the last measure of human endurance. Others tolerate the relationship because although defective in various regards, grants them safety from other points of interest, financial or similarly, as you have also observed. There are also those who don't trust their ability to find a new relation, usually persons with low esteem.I am PRO relationship work, to solve the various differences that may appear. Man does not live by bread alone, we need to be understood, listened to, accompanied, cared for. It is wise to also ask ourselves how we can contribute to an improvement and to see which of our gestures or actions may have discouraged, unmotivated our partner(?) If there is a corrupted relation there are (usually) two responsible persons, even if one's fault was only to give their credence hastily, based on superficial knowledge of the accepted partner. Otherwise it is possible that the interests change in time, especially in case of unstable, influenceable persons. Many fear to recognise the critical point because standing near juncture they have no idea what to do, are too weak or lacking faith, when in reality they should engage their resources into determining if the relation can or should be saved, with the partner's partaking. Of course, it is unwise to make ourselves blind to miserable circumstances, and label them "complicated."
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