A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Both my fiance and I have larger than comfortable families and quite a few mutual, and otherwise, friends. However, we have a VERY tight budget (strictly $3000 here; plus or minus a couple hundred). We don't want to compromise our guest list even though we know that's the surefire way to keep the budget on track. We also know there are a few things on the checklist we won't be able to get stingy on because family and friends would love it (ie: open bar). Is it acceptable to ask certain family members and friends to give us a wedding service as a gift instead of cash? We know people who could do the videography, photography, pay for the open bar, DJ, and bake the cake. I guess we're just lucky like that...The wedding is September 2013 so we have plenty of time to research, we just want a headstart.
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (11 July 2012):
I agree with the consensus - asking for cash (or asking a professional friend for services-in-kind) is tacky. At a philosophically more fundamental level, it implies a very materialistic personal worldview.
When I can get back to this thread and spend time composing a reply I want to tell you about a wedding I recently attended . . .
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 July 2012):
 No, that is just tacky. If you can not afford the wedding you want you have another option, cut the budget, get an extra job or postpone til you CAN afford the wedding you want. Expecting others to pay for your wedding, well I don't even know what to say.
If anyone OFFERS to be the photographer, to pay a band or offer a venue/catering then I think it's quite OK to say yes thank you!
But it's kind of hard planning a wedding this way, because it's still a year and 2-3 months away, things can come up that means a friend who promised to do AB or C all of a sudden can't and then you are stranded without a part of the wedding you want.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2012):
 NO it's tacky and rude to ask folks to pay for wedding services.
IF they OFFER that's different.
you have to scale your plans back. Or take out a loan (not that I recommend that)
3000 is a very VERY small budget for a wedding now adays..
perhaps pushing the wedding back and saving up more is a good idea if you want particular things that you can't afford.
I have asked friends to do my hair for a wedding
I have asked friends to help make favors
I have asked friends for help with other things... but never have I asked them to pay for wedding services.
that's just too over the top
we did have a friend (at my last wedding) give us a band for the reception as a wedding gift... but that was HER choice and offer we did NOT ask.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): I agree its an insult to tell a person instead of cash u want a particular wedding service. Be wise, if u can't afford it then don't have it. Stick with ur budget n you'll do fine.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
 By asking family and friends to pay for a wedding service, you are indirectly asking them to pay for the open bar. An open bar isn't absolutely necessary when you do not have the extra money to provide it. If family members would enjoy it, then have a cash bar and let them pay for their own drinks. You are not being stingy, you are being responsible. First, you are being responsible with your money. Second, many people will not drink as much if they have to buy their own drinks, and you will not have to worry about their safety afterward. People should be happy to show up to your wedding because you are getting married, not because they can get drunk afterward. I do not know what other things you may be talking about providing, but I think it would be more of an insult to ask people for cash for a wedding service than assume they will buy their own drinks.
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