A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing someone for around two mths. before that we were friends for 4 months. Our relationship has no future for certain reasons but we decided to just be together for now. However, he doesnt make much of an effort to ask to see me. More like hints for it. But whenever i want to see him, he will never say no. We have had a few bad arguments and once he said that he doesn't do short term relationships and is scared of being attached. Is this the reason he doesn't make the effort? When we are together he is so warm that it is hard for me to understand why he will never ask to see me. Sometimes it makes me feel like im making all the effort. Is he really that scared of getting attached? or is he just not interested? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): It sounds as if you are expecting the relationship to go nowhere but really you would like it to be much more. By conveying to him that your very casual about things, perhaps he is picking up the wrong signals and sees the relationship as a ' no strings' affair. many men prefer this type of relationship because they have a fear of commitment or see it as unnecessary and believe me, this will suit him fine.
None of us want to be on our own but if you are just seeing someone for casual company, you really can't expect him to take things seriously.
You said he said he doesnt do short term relationships and is scared of being attached. This suggests that he doesnt do long term relationships either, basically he lets you choose when to see him so it becomes 'your call' this means he is responding to your request and not having to make the decision to meet for himself, therefore he can avoid responsibility and guilt.
I am afraid to say it but you are serving yourself up on a platter everytime and he is taking whats on offer. Withdraw for a while if you can and let him miss you. If he is really serious about you then he will get in touch. If not, then you know your answer. If he really is a commitment phobic then go let him be phobic with someone else.
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