A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single, successful single company manager and have been seeing a 23 year old guy for about a year. He's cute, bright, charming and i enjoy our time together a lot. In spite of my initial hesitation because of our age gap (... and don't give me that look. I pass for late forties and am in good shape. He's very mature for his age) the gap simply doesn't exist when we are together So what's the problem? First of all he is definitely bi curious like most goodlooking guys his age so he came onto me in the gym and next thing you know we are meeting secretly once a week for sex. It's not great for me (lights off, no kissing, i blow him, the end) but he's so cute and charming that even bad sex was good for a long while but not forever. It makes me feel lousy when he doesnt touch me or caress me. Like the typical closet case first time with a man but after a year we are still in the dark. So how do i get him to share more affection in bed? Second problem: His dad was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and my friend has been supporting the whole family plus paying medical bills on his salary as an assistant buyer and store manager. Then he hurt his back in a car accident and needed private physiotherapy for three months. He's dropdead gorgeous with a smile that lights up the room and he's struggling to keep his world from collapsing around him. So of course I help out financially. There's that look on your face again. But how can I say no? And i know he is only seeing me. But its got to the point where every time we meet I'm giving him money. All totally legit reasons But match up this weekly allowance ( which is nearly Half his regular salary) with the onesided five minute sex and it's worrying. How can I know if what holds him to me is me or my money? I really like the guy and i know he likes me but I can't finance his life for him and Im getting tired of having to masturbate after he has gone home. Is he just going through the motions to keep me close and have a potential sugardaddy? I want this relationship to be straightforward and simple, but with our age and income gap is this asking too much? At my age I can live without sex but I feel a lot for the guy and know he really cares for me. I don't want to hurt him and myself by just dumping him. What should I do?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 essentially he is a prostitute that you pay to satisfy his sexual desires. something is not right about this.
break it off with him as the sex is crap and he's ripping you off with a loads of twadle. how do you even know he has all these family responsibilities- you only see him once a week in the dark to suck him off. he could be lying to get money off you, and you would never know.
get rid of him and let him pay his own way in life because even if someone has a nice smile they can still be an arsehole in their behaviour.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everybody for replying. I appreciate it. Just to clarify, his dad's terminal cancer is true. I helped him find a wonderful hospice that cost nothing. My friend spent a week by his Dad's bedside watching him die. The funeral was ten days ago.
I brought up the money thing a month ago but he got upset and said I was putting him in the category with other guys from the past who I 'helped 'and that I should trust him more. When I actually tell him I come across like a cheap miser. Ok there have been two other cases over the years, always younger and earning less than me where I was helping out. I just don't want this one to go down the same road. Also I am in a stable nonsexual relationship with my business and life partner of 38 years. I know I have to end with my 23 year old but I dont want to hurt him and come across like a pennypinching cheapskate. I like his company more out of bed than in but even going for lunch means I slip him some cash to take his sisters out for pizza or buy a new shirt to cheer him up. He never asks for it but if I dont I feel guilty.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 Yes. A relationship isn't meant to be one-sided, and this one clearly is. You deserve more than the bare minimum you're getting from him.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (4 July 2010):
 Course he is, Your 23 with his dazzling smile has it sorted, he has a man with money, who wants to please him, who he only needs to spend 52 days of the year with.
But you got to ask yourself, whether or not, your ready to be without your eye candy, regardless of how much its costing you financially.
Personally, i'd much rather find a man, who isn't all these things, that I can have a meaningful relationship with and grow old with, how long do you think he is gonna hang around for?, till you can no longer fund him? or till he has spent your retirement money?, and then what do you think he'll do?
He'll leave you with memories, and you'll feel too old, too hurt and too bitter with no inclination to find anyone else.
Your setting yourself up for a lonely future.
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