A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's been 2 years after my ex broke up with me.I was desperate and decided to move overseas and started a new life. My ex who has been in a relationship with someone else for at least 1 and 1/2 years contacted me a couple of times after I left home, but I ignored him. I thought I'm doing well living abroad. I've kept his Facebook account blocked after knowing him announce the world who he's in a relationship with. It hurt me so much that he did so because he tended to keep his Facebook quiet. He didn't even have a profile pic of himself. I know I shouldn't have checked anything about him yet I did. I unblocked him and saw his profile pic which is of him and his girlfriend. I'm depressed. I tried to start a new life, meet new people and all I wanted was leave where we had our memories together and forget him. However, I'm not as happy as I expected. I'm 31 and I'm still alone, but he's happy in a new relationship. I spent almost two years trying to move on and putting myself together. It seems that my new life doesn't get me anything and I am going home soon. I don't know if I'm mad or sad after seeing the picture, but he doesn't deserve to be happy. I know I deserve a better life and a better guy. I always believe that there's someone waiting for me, but now I'm losing hope.
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, facebook, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 February 2015):
Dear OP,
I'm also 31 and still single etc. so I can understand your situation. It sucks, especially around valentines day. My advice is simple and hard, though at the same time:
STOP blaming your ex for being single and unhappy - and take responsibility of your life. You can only change the present, not the past.
Maybe he broke up in a mean way. Maybe he was an ass. But if you keep this as an excuse to not make the best of your life, you're betraying yourself.
You are sabotaging your own happiness by checking on his profile, by demeaning yourself for "still" being single (as if being in a couple was equal to being happy or succesful), by putting yourself down even though you were brave enough to live abroad.
I am sure that wherever you live, there are some attractive men. Start dating, flirting, going out, working out, plan the dream holidays you always wanted. Meet old friends who could support you, look for a more beautiful apartment. Just do something!
I know it's really hard. I also could spend days looking at old pictures, crying while listening to "our" songs.. but whenever I resist this urge and go outside, I feel better.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Why doesn't he deserve to be happy? Was he cheating on you?
Why do you think you haven't been able to move on? When you say he doesn't deserve to be happy, you indicate that he did something bad towards you. If that is the case, then he should be EASY to get over, because who wants to be with someone who is mean and does bad things...?
I'd get it if he was an amazing boyfriend and perfect in every aspect, yet just didn't feel the way about you as he should and thus ended things. But, I sense there was some drama going on, perhaps arguments, and you blocked him for a reason. People who part as friends wont need to block one another in order to move on. So there was still a lot of feelings there when you two broke up...
I don't know why you haven't been able to move on, only you know this. I advise you to look into the "why"'s here. Why haven't you moved on? Why does him being in a relationship upset you? Why doesn't he deserve to be happy? Why do you deserve happiness?
My last piece of advice to you is to get off your bum and stop thinking a man is "waiting" for you. They aren't. Men don't sit around and wait, and neither should you. Men need to be hunted down and chased, just like women need to be hunted down and chased. It's only in movies that the love of your life falls out of the skies and drops down on your head. In real life, you have to kiss a lot of frogs... and first of all you have to chase down a lot of frogs. Be proactive. There are tons of men in the world that you could have a wonderful and happy relationship with, but they're not going to just fall into your lap without you making some effort.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): I'm the same as you....two years on, I too am still single. My ex has been in a relationship for over a year as well.
The thing is, you got to understand is that you are not in some sort of competition with him. Once it is done it is done. People break up everyday. Breaking up is something most of us all experience! So stop the bitterness that he ended it. He wasn't the ONE.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): What the female anonymous said is so true. The best revenge is living well! Maybe you should stop hiding and open up your life more. It is so understandable that you are sad and I feel for you. Based on everything you have said, you sound like such a strong woman. That was so bold of you to be able to pick up and move overseas and start a new life elsewhere. That is really awesome. It is so strong of you, that no matter how sad you felt because of him, you had the dignity to refuse his calls when he tried getting in touch. You should feel proud of yourself. You may not be where you want to be in terms of happiness, but you've got dignity, among other great qualities. You are sad but you are not pathetic. Maybe it is time to come out of your shell. Even if you've got to fake it till you make it. It would probably be a good thing if you knew he could see you doing well. And looking sexy and happy. Like you, I had a really hard time getting over this guy who dogged me too. I don't know why. One of my friends who is a pilot had invited me on a private jet cross country. It was a party in the sky, one of the coolest things I have ever done. A bunch of people drinking champagne in this fancy plane. Anyway, a bunch of pictures had been taken from that flight and ended up being sent to my drop box which was linked to my ex boyfriends computer. Have no idea how that happened. But he got a glimpse of what I was up to. Me having fun, living large, enjoying my life without him. At least that is how it appeared. I guess he ended up feeling jealous or the pangs of losing something good, and he started calling and begging for my forgiveness. And when he did, it changed my whole attitude. I was no longer sad and that was the closure I needed to move on. I think it would make you feel better about yourself if you stop hiding from him. Why don't you unblock him and put a new pic up and let him see you looking gorgeous with a radiant smile. Happy like he has never seen you before. Then he will think what you are thinking. "Holy shit, she never looked that good or was that happy with me." And it'll give him a taste of his own medicine. While at the same time building up your life and image.I think if you just come out of your shell and let him see you, looking happy, things will really turn around for you. I guarantee you he is going to be kicking himself in the nuts. And I think that is what you need to happen in order to find closure. It really is true. The best revenge is living well.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): You know that the best revenge is living well? You don't have to be with someone to define you and make you happy. You create your own happiness. 31 is young, you are in the prime of your life, you are not even a third of the way through your worming life! You moved abroad to run away from things, and they always have a way of sticking to you wherever you go in the world. He probably assumed you were living it up and he's moved on himself. I suggest you do the same. Whether or not he deserves to be with someone and is happy, how do you know? He might be having problems in his relationship? And who cares anyway? There are millions of people in the world who may or may not deserve happiness. I find thought that those who shout the loudest (show off) are usually the most unhappy. So he may well appear on all accounts to be happy with his lot but he may not be. Let go and live and allow karma to bite his bum as it will as you reap what you sow on life!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 February 2015):
 1. STOP looking at his Facebook, you know it isn't helpful.
2. DEAL with whatever is going on with you, be it depression or lack of social life.
3. ACCEPT that he has moved on. It's not up to you to decide if he "deserves" happiness or not. Even if he was a rotten BF to you. And... accept, Facebook is NOT reality. If it was my oldest niece would be mom of the year (according to her FB) and she is NOT, FAR from it. Posting a picture of two smiling people doesn't mean their life is golden, then again IT IS IRRELEVANT whether he is happy or not. IF he is, OK, if he is not OK, WHO CARES? He is an ex.
4. Running from your issues or sadness doesn't work. They aren't "bound" to a geographical location, they are PART of you. Thus advice #2.
...............................
|
