A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thank you for your advice I did post once before here. I snooped through my husbands cell. I know it was wrong but hes so secretive and if I ask him something he won't answer me. So yes I had a bad feeling and looked through his cell and he was cheating with two different women. Since then he is still private with his life and phone. He changed his password and has gotten mad at me for snooping but didnt really take accountability for his actions. So today he mentioned I must never look through his cell again even if o know his new password. I told him he cheated with two different women and I need openess and transparency. He still refuses to see my side. I want to trust him but how can I when hes so private about everything? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2019): Typo correction:
"It appears that you will never trust him;"
I think you should re-read your post to yourself. If you were one of us, what would you tell the OP to do?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2019): He cheated with two women. He can delete all of his messages, and/or get a second-phone; if he wanted to continue without being detected.
Okay, it has come-down to this. He is challenging you. Your only option is to let him continue to contact other women; and have secret affairs, and you keep to yourself about it.
If that isn't grounds for a divorce, I don't know what is.
When you reach a point in your marriage that you have a stranger living in your house; and the guy you once knew as your husband goes missing. Trust ain't your problem, my dear!
What's the point of going back and forth, when all he is going to do is shut you down and continue with business as usual?
The snooping and phone-dilemma has to reach some sort of final-resolution. He knows there is nothing you can or will do about it. So now what?
Face the facts! I appears that you will never trust him; and he doesn't seem to care, as long as you keep your hands off his phone. He doesn't want your trust. He wants you to look the other-way!
You've found the evidence you were looking for. Get a lawyer!!!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 August 2019):
 Why are you even attempting to trust him again?
He has been caught red handed cheating TWICE! This guy couldn’t give a toss, you’ve caught him and he hasn’t even attempted to apologise. He doesn’t love or respect you so why are you honestly even attempting to fix things?
Don’t you think you deserve better? If you told your family and friends what would they say?
Divorce him and leave him to screw whoever he wants, if not you’ll be in for years of hurt, this guy won’t change.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2019): Your husband has been found out by you, as a two time cheater with two different women. Yet your husband is scolding you for looking in his cell phone? What is wrong with this picture OP? So why do you want to trust this lying man? You would have to be a glutton for punishment, to ever trust this man again! Husbands and wives should be open books to one another! You do need legal counsel to protect all of your legal rights, under the law! You are young enough to exit this marriage on jusifiable grounds, and then rebuild your life with a man who truly values you, for the lady you are! He is a user and you deserve better! My prayers are for you!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 August 2019):
 Does your husband think trust is something that comes in a box? Trust takes a very long time to grow, and can be broken in an instant, as you have found.
You cant go from being the wife of a two time cheater straight back to being a trusting wife. It doesn't work like that.
If he isn't taking accountability for his actions now he never will and future cheating is more than likely so why stay there.
Seek legal advise and take charge of rebuilding a life without this person in it. He isn't worthy of your trust or your love.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 August 2019):
 I'd ask him WHY you should TRUST him and HOW he plans on rebuilding the trust HE broke when he cheated.
And go from there.
Personally though, if my husband cheated on me with 2 women, I wouldn't care about rebuilding trust, I'd file for divorce. Because this won't be a one time deal, he will do it again, and again. I say that because his isn't taking ANY responsibility for his actions and lays it all at your feet for "snooping".
Yes, snooping is bad but how about cheating? Much worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2019): He's cheated on you twice and hasn't held himself accountable or acknowledged his actions. I'm going to assume he never offered an apology or explanation for what he did. He hasn't given you any reason to trust him. In fact, he's done quite the opposite.
I think there's a good chance he will cheat or already is cheating again. He's still being secretive and it sounds as if there's clearly a lack of communication between the two of you. Prepare yourself to be hurt again. Personally, I would have left him after finding out he cheated twice.
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