A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why do I still at times feel down and depressed? My partner left after 16 years to date someone else. It's been a good 9 months now and she has not made any contact at all. I have been trying to do all the right things. Kept busy, reading, going out occasionaly. I even been out on a few dates but I still think about her a lot. I even have had a few women at my work place been interested in me, but I have no interest in dating them because I am still comparing them with my ex. Help, I just want to move on. I have even thought about changing my job.
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male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y
Have a laugh, check this out mate. See your doctor, hit the gym, and start feeling good about yourself.
A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Being with someone that you loved for so long can be difficult to not think about them - you did and probably still do love her. It's hard, but you should be looking at it now as a change for you for the better. Now you have the ability to do what you want, live where you want, and change jobs...all if you want AND if there really for the right reasons. It will be hard, but you will need to stop comparing your ex to any other woman you come in contact with. That alone will help you move on..and much faster.
You have to think and worry about yourself, and not what she is doing or whether she contacts you...because it sounds as if she moved on with her new life and she is happy. It sounds to me that you are grieving because you probably did not want a divorce, you wanted to work it out, but for whatever the reason, the divorce happened. She is now happy and you to must find your happiness and you will. Maybe if you really dig deep in your heart, think about why it happened, and what can be different next time, this will help. Were you content, and she wanted more? Did the both of you communicate and express why one or both felt the way you did? Some times to get past things that happened in our lives, we have to do some research back in it. It's like being your own coach and you are. Many times this will help in moving on because we then learn from whatever it may be. Sounds like she cheated on you and you were still trying to work it out, but, she just didn't want to...and many times, no matter what, it's hard to keep a relationship going when one of the spouse's cheats on the other. You always think about it, and it's hard to be really intimate with the other. It's like the vision and thoughts are always haunting. I would suggest maybe not dating now, and just be out with as many of your friends till you really feel like it's time, because from the sound of it, your not. We all go through depression, sadness and grieve differently...we all get out of it differently and it's great that you keep yourself busy that's good. I think more then anything, you have dealt with that part more and have come along way, but you should relax and get to know more people, not compare them, and learn more about them. Think about it, do you really, really want to meet someone JUST like her? Change is better...and it would be healthier for you as well.
Good Luck....and Take Care...:)
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Sixteen years is no flash in the pan....it is a long time and what you are feeling is more than justified after a relationship of this duration. People say to 'move on' after a relationship ends but that can be so tough to do when everything that was familiar is now gone and you are left trying to rebuild your life without that person in it. The way I see it you are going through the normal stages of grieving and you may have some depression in there as well. I would not worry about not being ready to date others....you are not in that place yet. I am not clear as to whether you want to change jobs to escape the admirers or just because you need a change. Statistically quite a few people relocate after a major breakup and change jobs. Maybe you need to focus on healing but also do not be afraid to shake up your world a bit. You mention she has not contacted you. You could contact her...it would be a bit of a gamble...she could reject you again but at least you would know.
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