A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for a year and just split up recently. I am in my late twenties; ten years younger than him. In the beginning, he pursued me strongly. I wanted to start slow. When we were together, we were great and got along better than any relationship I’ve ever been in. All our friends and both our families thought we were meant to be. Behind closed doors, it was the same: all happiness. He was so sensitive and responsive to my needs. After three months, I really started to fall for him. That’s when we began to argue. He started telling me that, when we were together, he was very happy, but apart, he’d analyze our relationship and ‘realize’ he wasn’t happy, and that we weren’t right for each other. I never saw it coming. To me, this appeared like a severe case of commitment-phobia. Now that he had me, he was pushing me away. I also found out that his parents had met and married within 6 months, and that’s how he saw true love happening for him. After a lot of talking, I convinced him that they were very lucky, but most relationships took more work than that. We stayed together, but ended up having similar arguments and discussions every other month. I knew he wasn’t just acting when he said he loved me, did caring things, or was my shoulder to cry on. We really were two halves of a whole. But finally I had to let him walk away. I love him so much and want him back. I know that, if things stayed the same, we’d be broken up again sooner or later. I want to get him some help before our ship has sunk. I think he truly does love me, but is scared of making the wrong choice and so has pushed me away. His parents have even relayed such information to me. How do I get him back and make our relationship the success it was meant to be?
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male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 You know it's strange. I am in the same boat more or less. She split with me after a year and of course I want her back. But telling her that would not help it would only make things worse. So, I kept in touch but not much. In fact if you can help it, don't talk to him at all for about a month. During that time is your time to work on you. When I gave myself time to think about where I am at in my own life I realized the faults I had throughout my relationship. So I started working on myself. Wouldn't you know it, not only has she started talking to me everyday, She's written me poetry. The other day she read me a letter that I had written her along time ago and played me a song that we had deemed our song after we met. We are on our way to I think a better healthier relationship because we both learned lessons. It's hard now, but try to focus on yourself. If he tries to call you, let him. But don't always answer everytime. When you talk try to keep it short. And for god sakes dont talk about the relationship unless he brings it up and then you mostly listen. If he does love you he will see it. And you guys will be on your way back too.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 If you love him , let him go.If he comes back , then he is yours . There is nothing you can do except to wait until he knows what he wants .If you go to him , you would be needy and clingy and this would pushed him further away from you.
There is no quick answer to your question. You need time . When he is ready , he will come back to you , otherwise , he belongs to others and not yours.
Men are like hunters. The hunt is always more interesting than the catch.Once they catch it , some men don't find it interesting anymore .They began to see the faults of the other person.
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