A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf says some things that really bother me and I think I need to get out before it goes worse. We've been together 8 months. I'm 33 and he's 30. He can never just have a discussion as he takes things so personally and like an attack and is incapable of having a discussion. I took note of the things he says when he says them. "You obviously were never taught social skills" "This is why everyone hates you" "You talk too much" "Its like Facebook if you don't like the conditions you don't have to use it you can leave anytime if you don't like my conditions" "I hate you" "You're a victim" "I'm trying to teach you so you can learn" "This is why your family doesn't love you" "You're really annoying" He gets so nasty. It's got to the point I actually can't talk with him about anything without it turning into an argument. Another thing I noticed is when I want to do anything like go for a small walk or go to the shop - he takes a long time to get up and get ready. He will take so long that it really irritates me. Literally hours of saying I'll just do one more thing. But when he wants to go out he'll say I'm leaving soon get ready now if you want to come. Leaving me no more than 20 minutes. If I didn't get ready he would leave without me because he's extremely inpatient. I feel like it's all control tactics. I love him but over time I'm seeing less affection. He tells me I need to earn it or show him what he means to me when I put so much effort in and I think how can I possibly do more. I'm getting really tired of it. Is there anyway to show him or am I flogging a dead horse here? I think he wouldn't change he's always going to be this kind of person. I tell him this is hurtful and the things he says are downright mean but he does it over and over
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2021): I would like you to read up on narcisstic abuse in relationships and see if what what is going in your relationship ticks any of these boxes.
If it does then I agree with you, you have to get out. I suggest speaking to a trusted family member or friend to help as the process of detaching yourself from this will not be easy. The gaslighting is insidious making it extremely difficult to convince yourself sometimes.
You have only been together for 8months and already seeing red flags please don't ignore them.
Take it from someone who was in a relationship like this for ten years with kids. It doesn't get better, it doesn't stop. It gets worst. Maybe briefly but they do not change for long.
The best thing you can do is get out of this, I wish I did when I seen the first red flag.
I see you live in the UK I also had a lot of help and support from women's aid u may want to look into them for support too.
You don't need to put up with this. You deserve more.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 August 2021):
 You nailed it in your opening sentence: "I think I need to get out before it goes worse". You already know what you need to do.
You've wasted 8 months on him. Don't waste another minute. There is no way this situation is going to improve. It will only gradually get worse. He is an abuser and will, slowly but steadily, tighten the screws until you are ground down without any say in what goes on in the relationship.
GET OUT NOW!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 August 2021):
 THIS is who he is, Op
And who is he is a SHITTY person and partner. Yikes! Just Yikes!
However, WHY do you WAIT around while he takes HOURS to get ready? Do as he does and JUST leave without him!
Personally, I would end this relationship. There is no (pardon my language here) FUKKING way that would make me want to "earn" my partner's affection, I mean WTH?!
He sounds like a total dick-wagon. And you are WASTING your time if you think loving him and staying with him will make him change. HE is NOT going to be the man you THINK he can be or WANT him to be. He is "this" guy. The Dick-wagon.
Ditch the dick-wagon. Find yourself a man who doesn't have to put others down to feel good.
I think you already know this is not a good guy. Or relationship.
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