A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't want to hurt him, but he doesn't seem to like to take anything I say seriously which is possibly leading to a bad situation. I met someone at a college party. He asked for my number, which I declined because I never date anyone I meet at a party or the pub. So when he added me on facebook and attached a nice letter about getting to know me better I excepted hoping that he wouldn't expect anything more than friendship. However he does, he in fact is now caught up in the idea that we are dating. I have tried to be honest and explain to him that I don't want a boyfriend right now, and that we wouldn't work out because I'm not into clingy people. He also has been starting fights with me whenever he finds out im hanging out with another guy(not even romantically) How should I tell him to back off with out ending up in a ditch somewhere?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 March 2011):
 this calls for a decisive approach as he is not listening to you and is assuming far too much.
you owe him nothing and you need to get him to back off.
Yes i think you do need a firm approach.
But are you just a little frightened of him?
I think I would ask him at very short notice (so he does not have time to bring
you a bunch of flowers to you) and bring a friend (trusted male? or diplomatic trusted female) to the meeting so you have a witness. That also underlines that it is not a date.
Tell him calmly that you are unsettled by his behavior, that you and he are not dating, will not be dating him. And you find his aggression inappropriate. And ask him to shift his focus elsewhere as his intensity frightens you, and makes you feel uncomfortable.
If he gets the hint that's good.
If he does not back off you may have to ask a school counsellor if a staff member can speak to him.
Because students have a right to feel safe while studying.
Best of luck with this,
Regards
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): Hi!
You need to be very direct with him and tell him you are not at all interested in dating him or even anyone else and that you have to focus on you, yourself. If he does not understand this and snaps back at it or even threatens something, he is very immature and the risk of him becoming more aggressive can happen. Thats when you have to (cause im not there to f*** his s*** up for you) lay your foot down and tell him to f*** off and he doesnt you will do whatever means necessary to protect your personal well being even if it means blocking his number, email, facebook, etc. Good luck.
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