A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, My question is about breaking up with someone. How long, on average, does it take to get over a 7 year relationship with someone you really loved and still love? I am going through this now and it's been about 3 weeks but I am still feeling a lot of distress and pain and am lonely now. If anyone can give tips or helpful advice on how to get through this I would be glad for the help. Thank you very much . I have broken up with men before but it never felt like this as this person is really the love of my life. I kind of hope we could get back together but am not holding out enough hope.
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female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (9 April 2015):
You want to enter a new relationship (if that's what you want) in positive state not holding grudges or still hurting. Talk to friends and family, look online for advice and tips on coping with a relationship breakup. If however you feel you're really struggling, then try counselling. Speak to your GP to arrange that or look online for therapists. Some are free or charge.
You will feel better in time. Time IS a wonderful healer. I speak from experience. Just look after yourself for the moment and let nature take it's course in helping you heal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): Honeypie it ended because he felt I was being too controlling and trying to decide everything about our lives such as where to live and the hope for getting back together is because we still speak all the time and there is still genuine affection between us. We lost our way a bit and are both struggling to find the way back. I think he felt a bit trapped and suffocated and I felt a bit neglected. I am not sure what's happening to us to be honest. Many thanks for taking the trouble to answer.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (7 April 2015):
When I was younger and woman I was dating said to me as we broke up..."You will never find a woman as good as me!!!" I said "You are right, I will never find someone as good as you, I will find someone better than you."
Why would I say that??? Do I really want to find someone as good as the one who broke my heart, or someone better than that?
A broken heart takes as long to heal as you want to keep the wound open. Never go back to someone who has caused you pain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): I was in an eighteen year relationship and, nearly three years on, I am not ready to date anyone else yet. Before this relationship I had another one for four years - it took me about one year to get over it, but to be honest the relationship had been 'dead' for years and I was a lot younger then and a lot more positive and 'lighter' about life generally. I do think age has a lot to do with it - I only say that because quite often we have a different kind of resilience when we are younger - often more energy and, somehow, LESS experience of life protects us in a way - we are still a tiny bit naive. When we are older we have more life experience but often, due to ageism in society, don't feel so hopeful - I really find it very sad that Western society does this to people, it's so needless and it would be so lovely to live in a world where no-one had to get a hang up about becoming over 30 and then over 40 and then over 50, worrying about if they will have a relationship again.Another thing that makes a huge difference is how happy you are just in yourself and how good your life is. If you are active in something that you enjoy - work or study - and you have stability and at least some support and friendships, you tend to get over a relationship quicker than if you are having to deal with other problems and have nothing nice in your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Took me 2 years (roughly) to get over a 4 1/2 year relationship. So it all depends on you, the relationship, how it ended and so on.
Nothing is set in stone. I have seen people who were "over" a 5 year relationship in weeks (my guess? They were over it before it ended).
My advice? Spend time with loved ones, friend, family, volunteer (if you can and have the time) DO NOT sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. The first couple of weeks I get that some "pity-party" is allowed but I'd say if you are STILL in that "mode" 2-3 months later, you NEED to kick your self into a "acceptance" mode, where you accept it's over, it's sad and it suck, but that being alone is NOT necessarily the only outcome after a relationship ends. Pick up old hobbies, met new people (don't date though, till you feel like you are "over" it.)
Why did it end? And what is making you hope?
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