A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:It was 33 years ago that I was told that my first "great" love had been killed by his father. Well, I found him and he still sends butterflies fluttering around my heart! Problem is that he still lives in our home state and I live over 15 hour drive away. He calls me at least 5 times everyday and tells me that I'm the one he's been looking for all these years,sometimes he even begs for me to move back to our home state so we can be together. I've 2 grandsons now that I adore, I've raised my 3 daughters alone and never dated or anything for the past 15 years not even to the movies! I concentrated solely on my daughters. I really want to live my life now that they're grown but I don't want to abandon my boys for anyone or reason...my "boyfriend" doesn't want to leave his mother or dog to move here...neither of us has the funds to make 1 trip (one way) much less commute! It'd be so much easier if he came to me. Also, I'm now 288# and he's 135#...I don't know if he'll take one look at me a barf or lose interest. I just don't know what to think or do about this. I want desperately to be with him but the people he hangs with are not recommended if one wants to live a healthy life for very long. As well as that, I just think he'd do a lot better with me than with those people. How do I convince him to throw his clothes into a bag and jump on a bus bound up this way? Should I move there? How do I compromise and should I? Please, help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Who and what you were 33 years ago is no longer who you are now. Same for him. Before you two figure out who’s moving, you have to figure out if there’s even anything worth moving for.
If you are not willing to move and he’s not willing to move, both of you must respect that and accept that this is not going to work out well.
Part of having a long distance relationship that works is having the funds to travel. IF neither of you has the funds to make ONE trip, you do not have the ability fiscally to make this work. 15 hours by car is a lot of distance when you have no funds.
I did a LDR. IT was for a year and we had met in person before we opted to start. We were a mere 2 hours apart by car and once we got serious we were together every weekend for 3 nights… it made it bearable to be apart until we were able to move him to me.
What made him move to me: my job was better, I owned the home I lived in and he rented. My kids are grown but local, he had no one to hold him where he was.
If you do not want to leave your grandchildren, then do not leave them for this. I do not see much hope of this relationship working out full time in the long run.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): I hate to say this but your relationship sounds practically impossible. You say;I don't want to abandon my boys for anyone or reason...my "boyfriend" doesn't want to leave his mother or dog to move here...neither of us has the funds to make 1 trip (one way) much less commute! Added to that you don't know each other enough to make a call about whether it's worth either of you moving. You don't even know what you both look like physically! Or whether there's that spark in person.You are also very judgemental about his choice of friends. He chose them because they have something in common with him. This makes me think you will not be happy with him when you get to know him in person living with him 24/7...Lastly - you've done a fantastic job raising your kids. Now focus on pampering yourself a little bit more; including meeting new people locally who you can hang out with (maybe even meet a special someone) without having to relocate away from your family.
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