A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I have been friends for 3 years and dated for 1.5 years. While we were friends we liked each other but he never did anything about it, when I tried to get him to date me. So eventually I said forget it and I started talking to someone else (nothing serious, just fun). That's when he claims he realized how stupid he had been and started trying to date me. I was hesitant at first, but then he was so sweet and amazing I finally said ok. The first few months of our relationship were amazing. I had never felt like this before, and never thought I could be so loved. But then we started arguing a lot about silly stuff. He was still sweet but I felt like his loved had changed. On top of that, I turned 25 and realized that he is 26 and still hasn't finished school. I told him several times that I want to at least be married by 30 but I'm not going to do that with someone that doesn't have a career. On top of that he bought an expensive car and paid off his Mom's car, and now he is in debt. I guess eventually I just had no more faith in him, so I broke up with him.That is when he decided that what I was saying is right and he is now trying to pay off his debt. He will be done in a few months and then will go to school full time (this is his plan). Now he wants another chance.Honestly, I feel like my clock is ticking, Who knows when he will be done. Probably by age 28 at the earliest, then he will need a few years to establish his career. And by then who knows, he might not ever even propose. I don't want to have been dating him for 6 years before he's "stable" enough to propose!I don't known if I should give him another chance, or just let it go, while it's over. If I do give him another chance, how long should I wait?And no I'm not obsessed with being married or anything like that. I'm ok with being single, I am not ok with a relationship that is going nowhere and wasting my time. Unfortunately, I cannot predict the future!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 You did decide he wasn't someone for you, right? Which is why you ended it. Nothing has changed really. He's still not finished his education, he doesn't have a career, and you've already seen how his sense of economics is. What's changed about that?
You decided it wasn't worth the wait, that you don't think he can give you what you want, so yes, in that case you would be wasting your time with him, because he's got nothing more to offer than what he did before.
There's one thing I want to ask you though... why are you so set on him needing a career? Will you land in poverty if he doesn't? Can't you have a career of your own, with women having equal rights and all you are no longer dependent on your man for money. So why exactly is that so important to you that it trumps a loving and caring relationship? As you lay it out in your question you prefer a man with a career over a man you love and care about. Is that so?
I know other women who think and feel like this, and while I can see their point of view, there's still a need for balance. You can't focus solely on money, and you can't live on love and air either. But, your life wont be a waste if you get married after 30 either... Don't let people put pressure on you! As it sounds, YOU aren't the one who wants to get married, but everyone around you are putting pressure on you to get married young, so you feel stressed out and rushed and like time is running out and you're falling behind. Screw that, if you ask me. Who cares what people say, you should marry when YOU feel the time is right for you and the partner of your choice. After all, if you marry after 30 you still got some lovely 50 years of married life together. What's 5 years give or take in the big scheme of things?
As for your guy though, if he's the marrying kind you'll get married eventually, if he's talked to you about it and wants to marry you (but saying the time isn't right because of money). If he's not the marrying kind then no matter how settled he is he wont marry you and you are wasting your time.
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