A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was practice teaching at this school for 2 months but left to teach somewhere else. I found a DVD I borrowed from one of the others teachers a month later and contacted him to tell him I had it and if he wanted it back.I've always had a little crush on this teacher, I didn't really like him very much but just a little crush. When I e-mailed him about his DVD we started e-mailing each other A LOT. Almost everyday one of us would send an e-mail so that in about 2.5 weeks I had about 14 e-mails from the both of us. So a lot of e-mails and he's pretty flirty. I don't know if that's just with me or his personality in general but he always makes me laught and smile, whether in person or through e-mail.Since I recently got out of a long-term relationship and just thought I should go for this to see what would happen and asked if he wanted to do something. I thought I asked if he wanted to do something on a specific weekend but after reading it over I realized I forgot but it was too late. So in the e-mail it looked like I was saying if he wanted to hang out or do something at some point. To that he replied "Hang out with an attractive female? Sounds frustrating :-S" I wasn't sure what to make of that (Any ideas?) but I took it as a compliment.I replied to that e-mailing saying thanks for the compliment and that it wouldn't be frustrating it'd be really fun to hang out with me and asked when would be a good time for him. He never replied to this e-mail for 3 days. Very different from replying everyday. I'm going out of town this weekend, leaving on Fri night but my bus was cancelled and I have to leave Sat morning instead. After those 3 days had passed, I e-mailed him asking if he wanted to do something Fri night since I'm now free but he said no because he had a family thing.I really want to go out with this guy and he really seemed into me at first but as I got a little aggressive to do something with him in person it seems that he stopped replying. And the family thing could be true or maybe he just feels happy to have that excuse? What should I do now? Should I just let him go and see if he contacts me? Give him some space and contact him in like a week? Or contact him on Mon asking how the family thing was? Do you think he is into me or not really anymore? I don't know what to think right now and I don't know what steps I should take so this guy will go out with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell prfan4life, it's been a long time since I posted this. I'll tell you what happened. We maintained contact for a good year or so and we are still in contact but it's nothing serious. He lives far away and he's just not into me that much. When I do see him it's usually me initiating things. I'm ok with that. I'd rather make the move than wait for him and not have anything happen. I know that nothing serious will come from what he and I have but next time I might bring it up just to make sure.
As for your similar situation I'd say what everyone else told me. I know it'll be difficult but don't contact him again. My guess is whatever you asked him might've scared him or turned him off a little bit. Wait a bit before you contact him again. I'd suggest at least a week, if not 2. I'd probably contact again after 2 week but if you can't wait that long wait at least one week. Don't try to be confrontational. Asking a serious question like where you guys stand via e-mail is a bit much. If you want to talk further let me know and I can PM you.
A
female
reader, prfan4life  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 OMG! I am going through something very similar.I met this guy few months ago, i wsa in the same country at the time and i live there as does he, but i study abroad. We met, talked online a lot, and emailed, and even met up a few times, and it got kind of intimate... no sex though! anyways, i left to study, and we only stayed in touch via emails, but his emails became less frequent. I was back in town last week, and he said he was sick and couldn't meet up.. i dont know why but i feel like he was lying.. and i replied saying ok, next time then get better.Later i sent him an email, being like hope you're feeling better etc. but main body was about where I stood with him.. and it was really a hearfelt serious email. I sent it on sunday, and no reply yet.. do you think he got scared and felt guilty that he might have lied and i ran with it? Or does he really not care about me more than a friend? I asked him this soon when we first met why he did something, and he was honest and wuick to reply.. now I dont know if i messed up our whole friendship. I mean he said we were just friends which i know we are more, but we still are friends nonetheless cause we keep each other posted. But now I think its all over, and i hate that i might have lost him all together.. should i email him again later this week? I didnt do anything wrong, i asked a simple question about us.. so why is he acting like i commited a crime? It hurts, hes a good guy and hes been pretty honest before.. he owes me some explanation..I just dont want to lose him all together... what should I do?Well, i think your guy seems to care, so give him time maybe, and call him again, if not then let him go..
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (29 February 2008):
 I am going to be honest with you. I have lived through this situation for the last year with a man that I care very much about-still do. He's been hot and cold with me and sending me so many mixed signals my head has exploded.
What I have determined from my situation is that this guy is not that into me OR as he has stated he has been going through issues. I have been ultimately responsible for maintaining contact with him, although he was the one who did ask me out on our only date which was about a month ago. We had an awesome time, he told me the best date he's been on. But now he is running scared again.
I bring this up because I am seeing a very similar pattern with this guy and you. I don't know what your future holds for you but to be honest, I wouldn't have traded that date for the world. It was the best date I've ever had too. My suggestion to you is that you respond to his email but do NOT ask him out. Make him chase you a little. He absolutely should be the one to ask you out. You can send him little signals to show you are interested but really let him do the asking. That way he'll have some skin in the game. You've asked him out several times so now leave that to him, he knows you are interested.
I'll tell you where I am at right now is the guy sent me a text after no communication for over a week and told me "try not to be mad, I have been going through issues. You are beautiful." That was almost three weeks ago. My last message to him was a little over a week ago "you know i like you & how to reach me, you take care, not mad at all."
I will not initiate any more contact with him. It's all up to him. I got this advice from a couple of my good pals from this site and I truly believe that HE has to put some skin in the game.
Your romance is young, maintain contact but don't ask him out.
That is my honest opinion.
I wish you lots better than I have faired. Although, like I said I had the date of my life.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 If you like to dance with the wolf, then get up and dance with him and see where he leads you.
Don't regret it if you let go of this opportunity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo a new update. He e-mailed me back today. Over a week later. He sounds friendly and everything. Should I bother to reply? Should I ask him out again? If I did ask him out again I wouldn't right away, maybe in awhile.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (26 February 2008):
It it's any consolation, we've all been there. So, yes it sucks. We don't know what happened or where their heads are at but that's just the way it is. However, I don't think in all my dating years I've ever not been honest and up front with everyone. At least I never left anyone hanging.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice dearkelja and everyone else. Yeah, I'm not going to e-mail him again. It just kinda sucks.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (23 February 2008):
There are plenty of fish in the sea. In time you will stop thinking about him. I am giving you the best advice possible....let him alone....do not contact him....
If you ever want a chance with him again, let him alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think I will ask him out again. I replied to his e-mail on Tues and now it's Fri and he still hasn't responded. I guess he's really not interested in talking to me at all anymore. Should I bother to contact him again later, not to ask him out but just a friendly e-mail or not even that?
I don't know where things went wrong though. He was so flirty at first and we sent so many e-mails to each other. He said I was attractive. But somehow now he's not interested anymore. Ugh, it sucks because I'm still thinking about him.
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female
reader, rockelle +, writes (21 February 2008):
 I hate to be the one to tell you but this guy does not sound like he is interested. If he is he will ask you out. If you continue to ask him out you are going to seem a little pushy and desperate which will possibly push him away. Give him the chance to ask you out.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (21 February 2008):
He has commitment problems.Recognize that and it would save you lots of anguish and heartaches.
If he is interested in you , he would have gone with you half way around the world and not still stuck at 1st base!
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 February 2008):
If I were you, I would not do this. He will think you are desperate. Has he initiated any contact? Has he asked you out? If he was interested he would have suggested an alternative time to meet but he did not. Please let him come to you. Now, if you go through with this and he is busy, then you really, really must let it go.
Take Care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was thinking of asking him out again for next weekend just to make sure. The 1st time could've been miscommunication and the 2nd time he had a family excuse, so why not be direct to make sure the 3rd time? The way I see it is the worst that'll happen is he doesn't reply which he already might not be replying anyway.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 February 2008):
Yes...let it go. Believe me, you do not want to pursue this any further. You'll only regret what you do. No man is worth this kind of attention.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut what if he doesn't e-mail me back? Should I just let it go then?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Hey Sweetie,You should definitely not email hime again, men enjoy the thrill of the chase, and even though it's hard, it's far more worth it to let him pursue you.You must let him reply to you before you email again, believe me! You will feel far worse if you email again him next week and you still don't hear from him after that!If he is interested he will email, honestly! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I did reply to him but didn't ask him out again. I figure I'll see if he replies and how things go and maybe try again next week. And if that doesn't work then I'll just leave it. The thing is if I don't reply to him I think we'll just stop talking then and if that happens we'll never go out.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (19 February 2008):
I think you should not reply to his email. Let it go until you have something to say to him or maybe just let it go. Let him work for you. I have been told that if a guy has to work for you that they appreciate more. Something to do with the chase and also the feeling that you are worthy, not just sitting around waiting for him.
You did suggest an alternative time to meet so let him make the next move. I am kind of having a similar issue with the guy I like and I have probably done too much of the chasing. We've been out on a date but we've stalled as he now is dealing with some issues. We had a perfect date, he told me the best date of his life, but he is struggling with money issues. He is the one who asked me out which is really what you want. I asked him out first but he was non-responsive as your guy is. It wasn't until he did the asking that we got any traction at all. So I think I am giving you good advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate!When he said he had a family thing, it was a family card tournament. I replied and said "Maybe another time then? Have fun! P.S. Don't lose ;)" I didn't really expect him to reply but he did reply with two words "I lost :("I have no idea what to do. He is still talking to me but not too much. Should I even bother to reply to this e-mail? Should I try to initated something in person again or would that seem too pushy? Should I just keep things at an e-mail level and try again later?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I think that you should give him some space to decide what he wants from you, because it sounds as though he has a crush on you, but doesn't take it seriously. He likes you, but not enough to want to take things any further. If he kind of led you on a little, it's nasty of him to just drop you and not reply. Why not ask him directly why he didn't reply? He has no right to think he can just treat you like he wants to. Show him that you have feelings too, and want to know whats going on with him. Good luck :]
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 February 2008):
If I were you I would let it go. He knows you are interested in spending time with you. Some guys freak out when girls are aggressive. If he was really into you he would have suggested an alternative time to meet. The fact that he stalled his emailing when you asked for a time leads me to believe he was into the flirting and attention but when it got serious, it was more than he wanted.
Don't spend your time on this guy. Move on. If he is interested he will come to you.
Sorry, just trying to save you some pain. We've all been there.
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