A
female
age
36-40,
******love*******
writes:Is this normal!I’m a female that is very much attracted to men; I was in a long term relationship in my early 20's and was very much in love.The issue is I am sexually attracted to women as well as men.I feel I have the capacity to love a man and have.But when it comes to women my interest is purely sexual....I’m not attracted to women in general (I’ve never seen a woman and felt I want to be with them), and find myself attracted to/ lusting after men! I don’t know what to do with these feelings?I don’t do casual sex, I can’t imagine myself falling for a woman and would hate to lead anyone on, but would defiantly have sex with a in the same way that I would a man. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ******love******* +, writes (22 August 2011):
******love******* is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for this advice.....this is something ive been battling with for a few years now! at least i know its not uncommon.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): Just re-read what I wrote and noticed a glaring error. In the second pragraph I meant to say that it means that you can feel a sexual attraction to people of either gender but can only become romantically involved with a person of the opposite gender. Sorry!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): Hi. Firstly I think it's worth pointing out that human sexuality is extremly complex and is still something we know relatively little about. It's often all too easy for people to think of and want to classify anyone simply in heterosexual/bisexual/homosexual brackets.That said, I don't believe what you feel is uncommon. I think you're what could be termed as a heteroromantic bisexual. Essentially all that means is that you feel a romantic and sexual attraction to people of either gender but can only become romantically involved with a person of the opposite gender. So techincally, yes you are a type bisexual just not in the 'complete' way most people would expect on hearing the term.As for what to do, there's no easy answer. You're in a bit of a Catch 22 situation in as much as you don't like casual sex but yet you can't imagine yourself in a romantic relationship with a woman. It would seem silly to feign a romantic attraction to someone you cannot foresee a relationship or future with, as as you say it would be leading them on and you would not enjoy the experience.I think you need to decide what is more important to you, exploring these feelings or avoiding casual sex. Personally I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with sex without a relationship and in your case in particular the sex is in fact entirely seperate from the context of a relationship. As long as any woman is clear on what she is getting I'd argue that you should probably explore these issues. Perhaps look at a sort of 'friends with benefits' type arrangement if the idea of casual one-off sex is unappealing, there's nothing to say you have to be strangers, just amke sure she knows there's no chance of anything 'more'.I hope that helps somewhat, reply and let me know.
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