A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What do you do when you have a bad feeling about someone your child is dating? My daughter and I are very close and I don't want to lose that. She has been dating this guy for about six months and I can sense that he doesn't like me for some reason. I am always nice so I don't understand why unless its because he doesn't like that my daughter confides in me about a lot of things that go on in her life. I get the feeling that he thinks we shouldn't be so close. I don't want him to try to alienate my daughter away. He is very good to her and treats her well, but I just have this gut feeling that he's not right for her. (They are in the mid twenties) I try not to say much but its getting to the point where I am starting to dislike him just because I can tell he doesn't like me. Besides just staying uninvolved, any other advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Whatever misgivings you may have about your daughter's boyfriend, nothing will improve until she has them too.
You can encourage her to think instead of coasting on feelings for him by asking her questions. Conversationally I mean, the way you would with a friend. If she senses an agenda she'll clam up or go on the defensive.
If she complains about him resist the urge to join in. Simply listen and ask questions where appropriate. 'What would you like to have happen?' or 'Whatever happens, in the end you'll make the choices you need to make'.
Remember that young women are particularly sensitive to having their power taken away from them. When they side with a man against their families it is not because of any loyalty to the man, but because of a need to maintain what control they have over their own lives.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): People can sense that someone doesn't like them. Even if that person doesn't show any obvious signs. You sensed that he doesn't like you and he has definitely sensed that you don't like him.
Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to solve this. I feel some of my in-laws don't like me and I don't like them either. But for the sake of keeping the family together, we pretend that we like one another. At least the family is happy as a whole.
If you try to change your daughter's mind about him you may turn her against yourself. Let the time do its job and take it easy.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 I hated my exes mom coz she judged me for being exposed to Islam. I was 18 n a man. I sat her down n made peace. Id ask ur daughter whats up with him then reassure her ur not angry n tell her u feel hes a good guy but u too also want things to be good between u both.
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