A
female
age
51-59,
*amconfused
writes:I was in a relationship for almost four years with a man and we broke up this past October. Him and I are very connected and best friends. We broke up because he emotionally isn't very healthy and has many issues to deal with before he can have a healthy relationship with me. There were red flags during the time we dated, but I didn't pay enough attention to them.We started talking again about two months ago and he made all kinds of promises to me about doing things to work on us, etc. I believed him and gave him that chance but he didn't follow through on things like he said he would. Anyways long story short; I ended it with him because he needs to do what he needs to do before we can be in a relationship together. We can't talk because that would lead to us being "in a relationship" together, so we both need to go our separate ways. We both know this and agreed. This is very hard for me to do. His soul is a really good soul but things that have happened in his past and presently have affect his emotional health. Which is to say he isn't emotionally ok. He has a lot of issues that he needs to work on and then if/when we get back together,I know we would need to work on these issues with a therapist together. I love him and he loves me. It is a really deep love and friendship, but since it isn't healthy right now we can't be together. My question is: What do I do in the meantime? How do I motivate myself to "go on" and keep busy and happy without the love of my life. He said he knows what he wants and that is me and I said that I knew I wanted him too. But I feel like I am in limbo land and am I waiting for something that could never happen if he doesn't follow through in getting the help he needs. I know I shouldn't be waiting per se, but I need to find some motivation on how to keep living and not be "waiting". I know I am not interested in dating anyone at this point. I am a single parent and have no desire to just "date around". I just need to get some advice on how to make the time apart more bearable. Thanks for all your ideas and opinions in advance.
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (8 March 2014):
 I see what you mean but I fail to fully understand what your implying when you mention you and him meaning we need to go see therapist together. So you know he has emotional issues from his past why would you need to go to therapy with him unless you was in this past. Also if you do leave and do no contact how would you and him go to therapy. Im just confused here about if the past issues you know he has involved you indirectly or directly thats what Im getting at. If its indirectly or indirectly you should be there for him regardless for the therapy you claim both you should go through. Well I suppose they can figure it out thereself during this not contact and come up with there own conclusions about what you want what you ask and whatever promises where broken or not kept. Then that way both parties would feel they did the best they could and its just didnt work so no contact could bring full closure to the relationship for both of you.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Oh, my ! I would advice you to look for somebody else if you're really looking for happiness. Otherwise, this relationship will destroy you. Look at that: you can't even cut your relationship with this weirdo. Isn't that a (bad) sign that should lead you to change for something better and healthier???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): Sorry but if he wanted you he would not let you go. It sounds like he is trying to come off as the good guy blaming himself and his problems. People have accidents, get diseases and all sorts of things in life. That's life. He is choosing to move forwards without you. You can do so too. Take control and realise real love is so much more than this. There is more out there for you....
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