 Susan Strict, posted
over a year ago
The Three Aunties
Once upon a time there were three Aunties who lived on a lovely website called DearCupid. All day long the Aunties would trip happily from forum to forum answering questions and having a thoroughly splendid time.
But under cover of a fake IP there was a great ugly troll, surfing the Internet with evil intent and a serious case of verbal diarrhoea that frequently produced questions nearly as long as War & Peace.
So first of all came the most inexperienced Auntie to answer the troll’s question.
"Can you help me?” went the troll’s question, and went on and on until the poor little Auntie was so confused that she did not know whether to answer the question or to spend a few hours with her psychoanalyst.
"Ho ho ho," roared the troll, much delighted by the Auntie’s confusion.
"I’m sure you are a very nice person,” said the Auntie, in such a small voice. “I think you should be so careful to be nice to everyone.”
"Now I’m going to say that your answer made my problem much bigger than it was before you answered my question," said the troll. “And everyone will give you bad ratings.”
"Oh, no! I beg you not to do that. I'm much too far down the ratings for it to make any difference," said the Auntie. "Wait a bit until the second Auntie comes along to give you an answer. She’s much higher up the ratings."
"Well, be off with you," said the troll.
A little while after the second Auntie came to answer the question.
“Can you help me?” went the troll’s question, and went on and on until the poor Auntie was so confused that she did not know whether to answer the question or to ask someone else for ideas.
"Ho ho ho" roared the troll, much delighted by the Auntie’s dilemma.
"I’m sure you are a very nice person,” said the second Auntie, in a much louder voice than the first Auntie. “I think you need to be firm and helpful to everyone around you, and make sure you stop upsetting people. I have always done that.”
"Now I’m going to say that your answer made my problem much bigger than it was before you answered my question," said the troll. “And everyone will give you bad ratings.”
"Oh, no! Please don’t do that. There’s an Auntie higher up the ratings than me, and I’m sure you would much prefer to drag her down," said the second Auntie.
"Very well! Be off with you," said the troll.
But just then up came the third Auntie.
“Can you help me?” went the troll’s question, and went on and on and on and on and on."
“Ho ho ho" roared the troll.
[And this is where you know that it really is a fairy story]
“Aw, shut up,” said the Auntie. “We don’t need trolls like you around here. I’m going to tell everyone exactly what we all think of you and your stupid questions.”
And that’s just what the Auntie did, and her ratings soared through the roof while all the Aunties danced hand in hand and lived happily ever after.
The End.
Posted on 30 April 2008 @ 16:29 (London time) - permalink
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