Hi and welcome to the lounge

Hang out, introduce yourselves, chat about relationships... Basically fill your boots! Andrew

Posted on 24 March 2006 @ 1:27 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

hi, well i need some advise on how to dump my boyfriend. i want to dump him because he is very controlling and is getting way to serious way to soon, also he makes me feel so unconfitable when i am with him pressuring me to do things. i dont know how to dump him please help me.

Posted on 25 March 2006 @ 16:59 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

You need to just tell him that he is dumped due to his demanding stuff from you that you are just not ready to give, this is to the point and he will clearly get the message. You are right to want to dump him as a relationship is a partnership and is equal, it is built on love, trust and understanding, sharing and comforting, it is not based on one person controlling the other or demanding things the other is not happy with. When you tell him he will be either cross, or will say that he will change and will try and persuade you to stay with him. Which ever it is make sure you stay focused, it is over, you have told him and that is that, just walk away from him and dont turn back. Stay strong.

Posted on 26 March 2006 @ 10:58 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

the thing is i cant just walk away because i am having his baby but he dosent know yet. so do i tell him and let him be in my life forever or do i not tell him and never see him agian. i know that every man has a right to know they are going to be a farther. i know that he will definatly want to be involved. do i really want this man involed with me and my child.

Posted on 26 March 2006 @ 16:50 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

i only just found out i was pregnant, witch is why in never said anything before.

Posted on 26 March 2006 @ 16:51 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Difficult one but my advice is still pretty well the same, you do need to let him know he is to be a dad as you need financial help from him and he has a right as long as he is not a danger, to see his child, but you really are not happy with him and so nothing will change or get better just because you are pregnant and in fact may become worse as he may try to controle you even more and you will just get more and more trapped. Make the break now while you still can and when the baby is born set up proper acess and make sure he financially supports the child. Being a single mum is hard but not as hard as living with someone who you do not love or who does not treat you like an equal.

Posted on 27 March 2006 @ 23:11 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

i dont want financail help from him. he keeps ringing me i tell him not to but he keeps doing it. i know he has the right to see the baby when its born. i havent known him for that long only about 3 months so i dont know wheather me and baby would be in danger. i serpose i have to take that risk tho for the sake of the child. and i will tell him that if he ever hurts me or the baby then he is not seeing it. when i tell him i am pregnant that is. its nice to have someone elses opinion. thank you very much.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 15:29 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

You should not dismiss financial help as you dont yet realise just how expensive babys are, and lets face it it takes two to make a baby. Change your phone number if he is pestering you, this is easily done and just make sure you go ex-directory. If you are in any doubt about him hurting you or you baby then dont tell him, if you want financial help or live in a close community then this maybe a little more difficult but you could say it is someone elses. If further down the line you want financial help and need to name him as the father then you may have to let him know but make sure that if he does anything to frighten you that you tell someone else and tell the child support agencies that you cannot allow contact due to the danger it would put you and your child in, this may mean that you have no contact but he continues to pay or it maybe that contact is at a family centre so is suppervised and no harm can come to you. You do have options and I suggest you look into them, you can get advice from your antnatal clinic or advice centre.

Posted on 29 March 2006 @ 22:35 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

when i posed the fisrt message i never thought i would get advice like yours. i feel much better being able to tell someone about my problems. thank you

Posted on 30 March 2006 @ 14:57 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Kage, hi and thanks for the nice words, I am off on a course with work today so will log on either later or tommorow for a hi and a catch up on what has been going on in your world, type anything you want. have a nice day and smile five times today that is my order for the day!!

Posted on 31 March 2006 @ 7:12 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

well u definatley made me smile. me and my ex had a argument to day and he finaly know i dont wanna talk to him agian so i dont think he will bother me agian. still never told him about the baby tho i think i will wait a while before i do. thank u for your words hope ur cource goes well.

Posted on 31 March 2006 @ 18:29 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Good morning to you Kage, and do you feel better and stronger today or are you a little low. Now the ex situation is sorted it is time to think about the baby situation, do you have family and close friends as you will need some support, how old are you? Today is Saturday so you only need to smile four times today and you have to write a list of people you think will help support you when the baby is born. Have a good productive day,

Posted on 1 April 2006 @ 9:43 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

afternoon,i feel better today. well at the moment no one knows about the baby. i know when i tell my best friend she will surpport me but i dont know about my familey. i am 16, 17 in a few months. ive smiled 4 times today already. and i can only think of 2 people who will stick by me. oh and the farther. me and him are talking now he wants me to give him a 2nd chance and if i dont wanna he said can we still be friends. so i am thinking about being friends with him but there is no way i am giving him a 2nd chance. but do u think its a good idea to be friends with him? hope u have smiled 4 times today. oh how old r u? if u dont mind me asking

Posted on 1 April 2006 @ 17:28 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Hi Kage, I am 42, I will be 43 in August, so im dead old compared to you. Yes I have smiled loads today as ive just been riding and had a fantastic time, Larry was fab as always and we cantered on the common and trotted home. I am glad that you have smiled your 4 times and I am glad that you have told your ex about the baby and he wants to support you. But and there is always a but, you are much better having him as a friend, but this really will be hard for both of you, is he older than you and does he have his own place, do you live with your parents or are you in a flat or hostel. You really do need to be megga brave and tell your parents, they will be shocked, upset and maybe a little angry but hopefully they will come around to the idea that you are carrying there grandchild. You are young to be having a baby and in an ideal world I would be saying you are "too young" but we cannot go back and the baby is now a reality so you need to start preparing. The two people that will stick with you is two more than I had when I was a pregnant single mum, so be thankful for this and tell them asap about the pregnancy so that they can adjust and be there for you. You need to see how the friendship with the ex goes before you start thinking of him as your support, or birth partner, he may say he will be there but dont forget he has let you down in the past and now is not the time to give second chances or to waver. stay strong and focused. Tommorow I want you to pick a flower, and this will simbolise your new start in life, it will signify a new chapter in your life and one that is scarry but very exciting and one that you are in full controle. Remember you are the mummy now!! Be good and keep smiling

Posted on 1 April 2006 @ 18:11 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

hi smeedle, i havent told my ex about the baby yet but i know that he will surpport me when i tell him. i live with my mum, but hoping to move out real soon coz i cant handle living here any more, but thats a whole different story. my ex goes to uni therefore lives in halls at the moment. he is 19 in june. he doesnt have any family his perents died when he was younger all he has left is a anite but they hardly ever talk. i dont want to tell my perents because i know that they will try and push me into having a abourtion, so i was going to wait till its to late to have one. i know i am young but i think i will be a great mum.

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 9:31 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Good morning to you Kage and how are you today are you getting mornig sickness yet? I too think that you are a great mum, you seem sensible and you will love your baby which lets face it is the main thing. Sounds like your ex has had a bad start in life but going to uni is fantastic, are you in further education ? I fully understand why you have not told your parents about the baby, but word of warning is that if you are being sick or tired or just off, they may realise that something is wrong. You have had the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor havent you, if not this needs to be done very soon as you will need to start going to hospital appointments etc, everything will be done confidentially and you wont be the youngest mum there, so chill about that. Why have you not told your bloke about the baby yet?

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 9:39 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

yes he has had a lot of bad stuff happen to him. i go to college i study business. i dont think my mum will notice to be honest she never notices me only when she wants me to do somthing. i am tired alot but no morning sickness yet. yes i have had it confirmed by my doctor. i think i haven told him yet because i am still not sure weather i want him in mine and my babys life.

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 9:51 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

well i was thnking about what you said about telling my perents. so i decided to tell my mum, i also told her i am not getting a abotion. she didnt take it very well (didnt think she would) she called me every name under the sun gave me a slap and told me to be out of her house by friday then she shut herself in her room and wont talk to me. so i guess its just me a this baby for now.

Posted on 2 April 2006 @ 12:18 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Sweetheart, I really wish I could give you a cuddle, if anyone needed one right now it is you. But you need to think now and act, you told me how your mum reacted but what did your dad say. Mum maybe in shock but if you feel she really does want you out by friday then you need to go and see your local council, you need to go today to social services and get an adult social worker who will give you help with housing etc, there are a lot of mother and baby schemes that give you accommodation and advice, help with benefits and with a career etc.(im assuming you live in the uk) You did the best thing in telling your parents as you had to know how they would react and telling them is better than them finding out another way, im dissapointed in your mums reaction and slapping you was very wrong so I have to assume that you are better out of that enviroment, unless this was just a one off from your mum bought on by the shock. How far pregnant are you? Let me know tonightr how you went with social services and also go to your local brook advisory centre, you can ring there help line as well I think, they will give you help and guidance, accommodation is the main thing this week. Is there any family member or friend that can help with accommodation in the short term in case you cannot get set up before friday? You go to college so ask to see the student advisor she will be able to help and let you use her phone etc. Good luck with today and you have done the right thing even if it does not feel like it.

Posted on 3 April 2006 @ 8:53 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

my perents are not together any more so my dad does not know yet he will react worce than my mum i think, yes i do live in the uk. it was a one off thing with my mum slapping me. i am not that far gone only about 5 weeks. as for accomadation, i have some, there is this hostel that my personal adviser got in touch with yesterday and sorted me a room out. i have her mobile number so i could get in touch with her at any time if you were wondering how i manage to sort it out on a sunday. i had to exsplain every thing to her as she didnt know anythng was going on. so i am moving out tonight after college. i havent told mum i am moving out today i am just gonna go coz she is still ot talking to me. i am doing the right thing by moving out because i didnt want to bring my baby up in this enviroment anyway. not sure if i did the right thing by telling mum yet tho.

Posted on 3 April 2006 @ 9:7 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Hi Kage, looks like you have sorted things out pretty well, good about the hostel. I still think that you were right in telling your mum as she had to know sooner or later and in my experience sooner is better as it gives her longer to get used to the idea of you having a baby and her being a gran. You never know when she is over the shock she may come around. It is good that it was a one off that she slapped you, I do hope your dad at least tries to understand. Night night Kage.

Posted on 3 April 2006 @ 22:42 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Kage were are you?

Posted on 4 April 2006 @ 22:12 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

hello i am here but i have to go on here at college because i am in the hostel and i dont have a computer. i dont think mum wants anymore grankids shes already got 6. and shes only 50. she says it make her feel old. lol, we havent spoke since i left. i am happier today, i am doing well at college and i am ahead with my work, also i dont have to worry about whats going on at mums house. i am just blocking her out until she decides to talk to me. i think my mum has told my best mate and her mum, coz they are acting a bit weird maybe its just me tho . amyway i am looking to the future now, its amazing i thought i might of hated not living at home but at the moment i am loving it and i just cant wait to become a mum. the people in the hostel are really nice. none of the other people in there know i am pregnant yet only the workers do. i think the morning sickness is kicking in as well i havent actually be sick but i feel a bit like i was gonna tho. so my life has taken a turn for the better finally. i am greatful to you for just reading what i have to say and giving me advice. thank you. kage

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 13:11 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Hi Kage, I was a bit worried when you had not logged on, this will have to be short as im really tired, I have just got in from work after being at a collegues leaving party, due to driving I have not even had a drink. I am sure with time that your mum will come round to the situation and im sure that being in the hostel will give both of you some space, what housing association is it? I am pleased the staff are nice, I worked in a hostel for many years before I started managing them and I really enjoyed it, tell the staff your problems and they will always point you in the right direction, dont forget to lock your door and dont tell people if you have anything of value. work out who you can trust and stay away from the ones you feel you cannot, dont lend money to anyone and always pay your charges, tell the staff if anyone tries to bully you or if anyone gives you a hard time. Morning sickness is a pain but it usually only lasts until you are three months, but you must look after yourself and eat as well as you can. Im glad you are ok and that life at the moment is good.

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 21:35 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

By the way I just thought I'd add Good luck with everything Kage,you seem to have a strong head on your shoulders...

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 9:32 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Hi Kage, how was your day today, did you do anything nice and how was college. how are you feeling now, how is the moring sickness. How is life in the hostel

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 22:3 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

hi, well i havent been on here for a while i have had a lot happen to me. i had a miscarage not long after my last message on here. i am still at the hostel i cant face going home, my mum knows about every thing tho.

Posted on 24 April 2006 @ 13:54 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

Why dont you want to go home hun? And I am sorry to here about your loss.

Posted on 24 April 2006 @ 14:10 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

hello all, i know its been a long time since i last logged on and i thought i would let you know how i am getting on. people say times a healer but i dont think i will ever get over the misscarrige. but i have to look to the futer. i recently tured 17 and am saveing up for driving lessons. i have a car and mum comes out and teches me a few things in it, i am living in my own place now a 1 bedroom flat. i see my mum most days because my car is at hers and she takes me out in it for 20 mins every night, because i an quict new to driving. i have finnshed college now, i dont get my results for another 3 weeks. i am hopfully going back to college in september. i am also currently looking for work. i am getting on with my life and its good but i cant help thinking about what it would be like if i was still pregnant, or still with my ex. oh i am off men for the time being as well. i am just gonna try and concentrate on getting a good carrer. and then thing about all that stuff.

Posted on 5 August 2006 @ 8:48 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)

I have just read through this thread and it warms my heart to see all the people rally round this sweet girl in her hour of need. Smeedle you are worth your weight in gold, and Kage I wish you all good luck - don't forget the smiling, I'm sure in years to come you won't even have to remind yourself, as you, I feel, have a good life ahead and much to look forward to.

Posted on 5 August 2006 @ 11:51 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)