| , posted
over a year ago
A lot of men come on here and want to know why a partner may not enjoy sex, or want it or complain about not getting enough.
I just want to bring to light one small aspect as to the why.
More women than men would like realize, have been sexually abused by someone they trusted or cared for. As this, once very uncomfortable topic for many, topic becomes more and more prevalent in todays' world and media, the need to address, educate, and protect is dire.
In the US the stats alone are frightening of how many young girls and young women experience date rape, molestation, and sexual abuse are on a continue rise.
FBI reports only 37% of rape cases are reported. 17.6% of women survived a complete rape and or attempted rape. 21.6% were under the age of 12.
Provided by the U.S. Department of Justice,
Bureau of Justice Statistics on Child Sexual Abuse;
summaries of noteworthy research findings:
Sex offender statistics.
60% of convicted sex offenders on parole or probation.
Children and teenagers are victims.
Recidivism rates for crimes higher smong sex offenders.
Violent offenders and their victims.
Two-thirds of sex offenders in prisons victimized a child.
Family members of acquaintances most child murders.
Half of women raped were younger than 18 (1992).
http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/stats.htm
In Canada:
MYTH: Women lie about being sexually assaulted, often because they feel guilty about having sex.
FACT: Women rarely make false reports about sexual assault. In fact, sexual assault is a vastly under-reported crime. According to Statistics Canada, only 6% of all sexual assaults are reported to police.
MYTH: Sexual assault is most often committed by strangers.
FACT: Women face the greatest risk of sexual assault from men they know, not strangers. Of the women who are sexually assaulted, most (69%) are sexually assaulted by men known to them dates, boyfriends, marital partners, friends, family members or neighbours. (4)
For example, four out of five female undergraduates recently surveyed at Canadian universities said that they had been victims of violence in a dating relationship. Of that number, 29% reported incidents of sexual assault. (5)
When a woman knows the man who sexually assaults her, it is less likely that it will be recognized as a crime, even by her. But these sexual assaults are no less a crime than those committed by strangers.
MYTH: The best way for a woman to protect herself from sexual assault is to avoid being alone at night in dark, deserted places, such as alleys or parking lots.
FACT: Most sexual assaults (60%) occur in a private home and the largest percentage of these (38%) occur in the victim's home. (6) The idea that most sexual assaults fit the 'stranger-in-a-dark-alley' stereotype can lead to a false sense of security.
http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/sexual_assault.html
This is the reality of being a woman and living in todays' world. We have alot to fight against, especially when overcoming the past and old attitudes and beliefs.
Rape, sexual assault, and molestation never occurs because we want it, we asked for it, we deserved it. NEVER.
When such an event happens to a young girl, a teen, or a woman, it does affect how they view sexual intimacy, it will affect their adult sex life.
Understanding, support, comfort, reassurance, patience is always the best ways of dealing with such women who may appear "frigid", "uptight", "boring", "unsexy".
I would suggest counselling and caution men to not give up, rationalize cheating, or divorce as a duty to your partner is still expected and support is always best.
Also, I suggest that men take the time to re-establish the friendship aspect when a woman is unwilling. To also touch her more, to speak gently to her more, to hold her more, cuddle her more, offer massages, foot rubs, run bubble baths more without the expectation of sex. Build the trust, friendship and initimacy up with out sex. Do this more often, a woman slowly is retrained to be viewed more than a sexualized being. She is viewed to be seen as valued.
Please read over found on the
weblink :http://www.findcounseling.com/journal/child-abuse/survivors-childhood-sexual-abuse.html
Effects of Child Abuse on Adults: Childhood Sexual Abuse
A history of childhood sexual abuse leads to a lower health-related quality of life and a greater number of health problems, psychiatric symptoms and diagnoses. Research shows that survivors of childhood sexual abuse have "more medical problems, higher medical use, more physical symptoms, lower health status, and more medical procedures."11 High levels of anxiety and depression in survivors of childhood sexual abuse can lead to self-destructive behaviors, such as alcohol and drug abuse.7 Because of the association between sexual behavior and pain and violation, survivors of childhood sexual abuse often develop problems with intimate relationships in general, including difficulties during sexual contact and dysfunctions of desire and arousal.15
In general, childhood sexual abuse is associated with a greater risk of: Disturbances in sexual interest; Difficulties during sexual contact; Dysfunctions of desire, arousal or orgasm; Seductive behaviors, compulsive activity and prostitution; Precocious sexual behavior; Confusion of sexuality and nurturing behavior; Sexually transmitted diseases; Unintended pregnancy; Eating disorders; Excessive weight gain; Depression; Anxiety; Self-destructive behavior; Alcoholism; Drug abuse; Panic attacks; Insomnia and sleep problems; Relationship problems; Revictimization; Suicide; Self-mutilation; Increased risk for sexually transmitted disease; Identity disturbances; and Involvement in physically abusive relationships as adults.7,11,15
I am a survivor myself and know how much ignorance can create more damage to a woman's worth and complicate her inner struggle more.
I have noted alot of men and women seem to think it is okay or justified to label a woman or young woman a "slut" "whore" "slag" and other unkind, hurtful, soul damaging words on a behaviour they don't truly understand or recognize.
There is never a justifed reason to call a woman down. Not one. Most women and young women who have the behaviour of being overly liberal with their bodies do so because of a reason that perhaps, they themselves are not fully aware of.
Most victims of incest and sexual abuse, due to the severe trauma, repress memories out of instinct to survive. This is also known as disassociative state. They often are assailed by repressed memories and are forced to yet again, relive the past. With this, the erratic, self destructive behaviour is triggered. More often than not, young women who are engaging in sex at a younger age, have been a victim of incest/rape/molestation.
Some say it is a need to try to take back control of their childhood trauma by reinacting it and therefore, creating a false belief they survived the past and also, they are in control of their bodies.
A false perception of their worth and body image are created, and they come to view their bodies that are designed for sex only and that they derive their self worth and confuse real love, and real intimacy as sex.
I wish more Aunts and Uncles would take the time to read more and gain that insight into the behaviours of young women and women who exhibit this type of behaviour.
We need to re send a message out their to all women, that we have worth, we are more than a label, we can overcome and heal from such trauma. The best way to overcome abuse and ignorance is through education.
This is what I advocate. This is my hope. That we can put an end to such violence and ignorance by being that loving, compassionate, understanding, gentle yet strong voice that says enough.
Thank you for your time.
Posted on 29 October 2008 @ 17:56 (London time) - permalink
(Log in to flag spam/offensive/junk messages to moderators)
|
pepper27, posted
over a year ago
birdynumnums, posted
over a year ago