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Dear Cupid > Forums > Cupid's Lounge > My best mate.

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My best mate.

TELLULAHTELLULAH, posted over a year ago

Hi all,

Been reading all your posts and trying to cheer myself up. Nothing is working.

Lost my best friend at the weekend, she collapsed on the beach on saturaday evening then they turned off her life support machine on sunday. She was 54, and a wonderfull caring person.

Dont know why I am posting this, you will probably think its odd.

I have never felt so sad in my life, an I feel so lost at the moment. How can I cope with it? please help.

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 9:46 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27pepper27, posted over a year ago

Sweetheart oh hunny I no how you feel and I just want to hug you so close, If you need to talk love at anytime please p.m me its been 2yrs sinse I lost hayley and all I can do is understand your pain and be there for you LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYER SWEETHEART MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 10:41 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAHTELLULAH, posted over a year ago

Thanks Mandy,

I just cant understand why I feel so bad. I am quite an emotional person, and its usually men that really get to me, otherwise I can be quite strong. But this has knocked me so hard I am strugling to cope. The last person that I lost that was really close to me was another friend I had since School, that was 13 years ago. She had cancer and it was expected, even though it hurt, it was also a relief that she would not suffer anymore. But this, I just cant get my head around at all. Everybody keeps saying "just goes to show you never know how long you have, and you should make every day happy". I cant, and I feel totally lost.

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 11:59 (London time) - permalink
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, posted over a year ago

Big hugs Tellulah, I'm sorry about your friend. It's terrible when they leave so early, like they can't wait around to see what happens next. It's alright to talk, but it's alright to cry. It's actually alright to do whatever you want and whatever you think will help you understand. Good friends, I mean really good friends can sometimes be hard to find, it's natural to feel hurt when the go so far away. Religion can help, tears can help, even getting bloody angry about the unfairness of life. Take care of you babes, you know we'll always be here. Even if some of the names and faces may change. She's gotten to your heart, and now she's broken it, so that's why it probably feels so bad. Hugs.

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 15:40 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Oh, Tellulah, I know what you're going through and I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It's different when it's a complete surprise, isn't it? I lost my best friend nearly 2 years ago, and it was hard to believe and to cope with.

I had good support of my family and friends, as I tried to support her husband. It's so awful to know that you'll never be able to see her again or to call her and share something funny with her. I know, I know. This is the worst time for you.

It's a good idea to keep yourself busy with doing things for yourself and her family. It's a way of showing her that you appreciated her and will miss her...

Big, big hugs to you. Nothing can ease the pain you're feeling right now but time. Read up on the stages of grief and realize that you may be going through them all at one point or another...

My heart goes out to you.

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 16:7 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27pepper27, posted over a year ago

hunny Im a strong person but when I lost hayley as she was the person who I confided all my thoughts and because she was the one who was always needing me as much as I needed her the loss was felt so intence like I had lost a part of myself..I felt as if I wasnt here and everything seemed distorted. Im a spiritual person but it took me along time to deal with, She was my one true friend and although I have many good and wonderfull friends I wont find that kind of relationship again..Im am so thankfull that I met her and spent the time that we did together as it taught me so very much. You will go through different stages and different emotions the best way to handle this I found was to go with it and accept each and every emotion as they come..The help of family and friends helped alot, sweety my heart is with you and Im thinking about you LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 17:55 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

Big hugs to Mandy too, I still remember your tribute to Hayley and I know that she meant so much to you.

((((((((Mandy))))))))

((((((((Tellulah))))))))

Cyberhugs to you both...

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 18:3 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27pepper27, posted over a year ago

Oh thanks love I just want to give Tellulah a big hug, big squishy hugs to you sweetheart XxXxXx

Posted on 1 July 2008 @ 18:10 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnumsbirdynumnums, posted over a year ago

Hi Tellulah,

I'm So Sorry to read about this! What a horrible shock for you, my Dear. You are always such a ray of sunshine, I'm sure that you brought a lot of joy into your lovely friend's life and changed it for the better. She is probably looking down and wondering how she can help you through your pain right now. Just remember all the time that you were given together and remember that she will always be with you in your heart and watching over you, I just know that she will always be there for you in spirit. We keep our friends alive in spirit, by smiling every time they cross our minds and by keeping their memories alive with those around us. We all love your sunny disposition out here and wish that we could ease your pain right now - the thing that helped me last year was time and you guys... Time is the biggest healer. We are all here for you.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend,

Birdy

XXX

((((((((((((((((( Wish I could give you this in person... ))))))))))))))))))

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 1:13 (London time) - permalink
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TELLULAHTELLULAH, posted over a year ago

Thank you all for being so kind.

I really dont know why or how she touched my heart so much, I guess its because to me even though she was 54, she was like a little girl. She was never scared of doing something funny even if it made her look silly. She was so kind and considerate, and would always put everyone else before herself. I wish everyone that I tell could have known this wonderfull person.

But they cant, and I will never see her again. This has effected me more than anything for so long. Is it normal to cry yourself to sleep and then start again as soon as you wake up. I feel as though nothing will ever be the same again. And it scares me that it will change me.

I am not religous at all, but I sat outside the church oposite my flat last night, and asked why god hadnt answered my prayer to save her.

Do you think he saved her by taking her away, so she wouldnt suffer anymore. I just dont know what to think. Its just so unfair.

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 9:47 (London time) - permalink
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Tisha-1Tisha-1, posted over a year ago

It is normal to cry yourself to sleep and to cry as soon as you wake up because you realize the enormity of the loss. And you're right, nothing will ever be the same again. But you will reach a new normal, one where you don't wake up crying everyday. It just takes time to process this huge devastating loss.

Here's a website to help you put a framework on what you're going through...

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

So keep on doing what you're doing, do what you need to do to get the support you need from us here and from your close friends and family and loved ones. You're going through a process that can't be rushed, and you shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty about what you're feeling. Embrace the feelings you have, experience them, and eventually, with time, the intensity of hurt and pain and anger you're feeling will diminish. It may flare up again from time to time, that's also normal.

Hugs to you...

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 13:40 (London time) - permalink
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birdynumnumsbirdynumnums, posted over a year ago

I like to think that there is a plan...

When my Dad passed away last September, I was in the Netherlands, on my way to Dubai and then the Maldives. Dad passed away before I got on the plane to Dubai. It could have been near impossible for me to get back to my Mom from the Maldives... I think he wanted me to come home. He had always loved the patchwork hills in the fall and wanted to have his ashes scattered there, and he died EXACTLY when the trees were at their peak of colour. I know that his poor body was too weak and he was afraid because his mind was confused and he was alone in the hospital. I'd like to think that he chose his own time. That thought gives me some comfort now. But it did take a while.

I can't imagine a better time to leave than being on the beach with people that I love.

Right now, it's hard to see that any of this has any purpose at all. Perhaps her poor body was too weak. Perhaps she chose her time too. It's normal to cry and wake up that same way. The grieving process is inevitable, it's going to come and go and hit you when you least expect it. Please take good care of yourself right now, get out into the fresh air, take long walks, eat good food, take long baths and drink lots of tea and lift a pint or two. Let yourself grieve, it will take some time. Be kind to yourself. You are experiencing a loss of a close friend, and it's normal to want to shake your fists at the sky and cry unfair. Just know that your friend isn't in any pain anymore and that she knows that you love her, she has that as a warm blanket to wrap herself in. I think the love goes on, it continues and that's what lives on.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 17:45 (London time) - permalink
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pepper27pepper27, posted over a year ago

Yes its normal to cry yourself to sleep and start again first thing in the morning, I didnt stop and still do it now at strange moments in time..And like Tisha said nothing will be the same again but over the yrs Ive been so gratefull that god gave me the chance to have such a wonderfull friend who made me smile so much..Ive taken that experience as the most biggest learning curve of my life so far, Even through all the other crap loosing my ex b/f in the feb then 4 months later loosing my best friend loosing my ex was shocking but it well prepared me for the pain that was yet to come, Ive thought and thought of why this all happened and I belive that people special people come into our lives to teach us something so when they go as I belive the spirit lives on we must take that chance to learn from it..Ive seen death up close in my job but it doesnt prepare you for the feelings that you will have when someone very close is taken from you suddenly, It is perfectly normal human instincts to grieve and have these feelings that you have never felt before hunny..I can only say that I have grown in the last 2yrs learnt alot and it isnt easy. but I wouldnt wish to have never had the opportunity to share what we did and Im thankfull for every moment that I shared with hayley and what she came to teach me...The start of each day is a promise of love XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted on 2 July 2008 @ 18:42 (London time) - permalink
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