HEADING FOR DIVORCE?

A month ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce. he said he hadn't loved me for 3 years. he has met someone else and said she wasn't the cause, just the catalyst. this was a complete bolt out of the blue to me, we have done so many things together over the last 3 years and have always been close. he has now moved out of our house, but he comes round most days. often he stays for supper. last night he stayed over in the guest room. he ended up coming into my bed this morning and we made love. he still says it won't change anything and wants a divorce still. i am being non-confrontational about the whole thing, make myself look good when he comes around, the house looks good, too. He is 43. is he having a mid-life crisis? how can I make him love me again? I desperately want him back, despite everything. We are also living abroad just now, which is making things difficult without family around me.

Posted on 15 September 2007 @ 12:43 (London time) - permalink
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It could be a mid-life crisis. You can't make him love you. It's not how love works. It would be much easier to look at this story with some answer if there was more of a reason for his actions in the first place. Why is he requesting the divorce aside from finding someone else?

Posted on 5 October 2007 @ 6:6 (London time) - permalink
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I find it difficult to believe that his relationship with the other woman is not clouding his judgment. I had a similar conversation with my wife almost two years ago. We have not divorced yet and I have not moved out either. We have not made love since then as well. I have not made complete since out of what I am going through to this day but I have come up with a few answers that might shed some light. There have been a couple of women that have captured my interest in the last two years but I have come to the realization that it’s really about me. I feel that I have lost all control of my life. Everything that I do is for my wife and this life that we built together. I feel that I have been giving everything that I am to this and getting nothing in return. This is not to say that she is not affectionate sometimes but I’ve come to see this as a request from me for emotional support. Less of her really giving me that support. I have long ago lost track of the things that I used to enjoy and care about. I suggest that you start to do the things that you enjoy. Work on yourself. Start to become more self sufficient, emotionally and physically. Work on your self esteem. He may see this and start to see that you have more to offer him than he thought, and that with you it will be all right to do the same if he were with you again. If he is going through the same thing as me he may be feeling that he “as an individual” was getting lost in his relationship with you.

Posted on 15 November 2007 @ 16:10 (London time) - permalink
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well your husband sounds exactly like me except i,v had a few affairs in the past 2 years and this last one lasted 3 months and after i told my girl friend about the divorce she took it so hard that she hasn,t seen me since and last night told me to never call her again and to get back my marriage it,s a bit late for the marriage my wife told me she still loves me but willl never ever trust me again and hopes we can be friends after the divorce

Posted on 15 February 2008 @ 19:54 (London time) - permalink
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mudman

Posted on 16 February 2008 @ 11:50 (London time) - permalink
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Sounds like a mid life crisis to me. hubby told me that he wanted out about 7 weeks ago. He still loved me and after 20 years of a great marriage just got up one morning and said he needed to be on his own - usual rubbish. I then found out he was talking to another woman on the internet and he had told her he was seperated. I told him to go after 3 weeks of leading me on a rollercoaster ride. Yes Im staying - no i'm not. This was the bolt he needed. I found her number and called her and said I did not blame her as he told her so many lies. Like he was leading a double life - full of fantasy. He turned it around overnight - became completely honest, attentive and full of romance. We are working at the marriage as it is a long time and three kids to take into consideration. But he has a lot of bridge building to make up for. i need to see if I can learn to trust and believe in him.

Posted on 12 March 2008 @ 17:6 (London time) - permalink
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