Sugarcane Drink

What is worst? A) Loving someone dearly and unconditionally, but losing her/him in the end to someone else, or B) Loving someone dearly and unconditionally, but losing her/him due to death? I thought about this for the past week... Either way breaks my heart, but I would like to know your thoughts on this.

Posted on 3 April 2006 @ 23:1 (London time) - permalink
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It's harder when you lose them to someone else because you can still run into them and still have the chance to be with them.. It's sadder when you lose to death because it's forever.

Posted on 4 April 2006 @ 7:48 (London time) - permalink
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I agree with Tux, but what ever the answer the old saying is true, "to have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all". Martini why are you having such deep thoughts on a monday? are you troubled for a reason?

Posted on 4 April 2006 @ 8:54 (London time) - permalink
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Smeedle, so 'far' away, yet you can 'read' me like a large orange dot on a giant blue billboard. Well, like many before, during, and after me, unfortunately, my relationship with a very considerable other had to end recently. It was very one-way, and after our third departure, my close circle of friends/family ended their support of her. Mind you, though still early, I still quite miss her lots. I know however, she is already with someone else - less than a week we broke-up. I never supported her (lack of) principles and morals, and the things she is negatively capable of mindboggled me for a long time. Alas, though I have made efforts to find all that remind me of her and seal it away in a box, things just keep surfacing everywhere! [sigh] I asked this question to someone close to me yesterday - I'll call him "Dragon In the Sky" or DitS for short. I gave him this question and he said B is worst for him, where as A is worst for me. So it got me thinking and posted it here.

Posted on 4 April 2006 @ 21:20 (London time) - permalink
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Martini I deeply am sorry for you, I know that you loved this woman by all the nice things that you have posted, she was a lucky woman but if it is not meant to be, it wont be. I knew something was wrong as you have been very quiet but as I dont know you well enough to ask I was going to wait until you posted again and you did. No point in me saying much to try and make you feel good or positive as right now you feel shit and your head is nowhere you want it to be, heart is in two peices and you feel sick to the stomach everytime you think of her or life without her. My thoughts are with you and I send a huge cuddle, (aint nothing in life that is not made a little better by a huge cuddle by me! big chest you see that is the answer to big cuddles!!) lol if you can!! Try and get some sleep, if you car`nt sleep then spend the night on dear cupid, It is very cathartic (not sure if spelled right) It helped me recently when I went through a difficult time.

Posted on 4 April 2006 @ 22:23 (London time) - permalink
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If u dont mind me asking smeedle what was difficult time u had to go through?

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 0:10 (London time) - permalink
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Ah yes... The thing is, we've broken up twice before this, and I know that this time is our final time. [sigh] I truly thought that I would never meet someone and be serious about her - this was before I met her. Then it hit me. It's just that, I've been through worst then break-ups before - a lot worst, but I just thought/felt that I could never ever feel as bad ever again. Hmmm... I could still laugh at it, but it's days like today, where the Vancouver skies are clear blue, that I think, right at this moment two weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought that two weeks ago, tonight, we would part ways. What's worst is that she made our departure sentimentally memorable for me. She is not aware of it I am sure, due to her personality, but for me, it was extremely heart-wrenching... As said in my personal journals, "I opened the door, and she walked out. At that one instance - right at 9:02pm, she did something to me, that she hasn’t done since mid February 2005. She walked out of my house door, turned around and gave me a kiss on my lips, then said bye, waved at me, and walked away. As she disappeared into the darkness, she turned and waved again, and I waved back too. Then I closed the door, and went back upstairs." - It's hard to let go of someone... Especially hard to not think that there is someone out there better than me by a million times. What is so hard about that, is that I recognize this - that person whom she is with now. I wish I can be like that guy, but I cannot, and will not. Yeah... Just gotta continue... That's all I can do... Just wish I was outside right now, at Iona Beach with her, walking down that 4 kilometre stretch watching the sun set... Just like old times...

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 4:34 (London time) - permalink
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Late for work so cannot say as much as want but could not go without saying:- stop saying that this bloke is better than you, he is different and that is all, no way is he better. It is her loss and in time you will get over this as you well know. A song sprung into my mind when i was reading what you had wrote and it is by Meatloaf "two out of three aint bad" (I will end up singing that song all day now) I will try and log on tonight as ive so much more to say but im at a function tonight and not sure how long it will go on for. Smile three times today for me even though this will hurt. Big hug sent from the heart,

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 9:12 (London time) - permalink
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Thanks for the hugs... The big ones too... 8] Hmm... I laughed a lot tonight. Does that count? I went to see an old friend. Had some Chinese green tea. Hopefully I can fall asleep tonight. It's already 2:00am! 8[ Good night everyone. Good night Smeedle... 8]

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 10:34 (London time) - permalink
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Good night Martini, XXXX and hugs!! it is 21.00hrs here in England and im about to also go to bed, I have had the day from hell and the evening that was so bad I thought I was in hell. (I must have been a bad girl in a previouse life) I have to get up at 5am due to driving a long way for a computer course that my new company is sending me on, hope its interesting as if not im liable to fall asleep, the naughtiness!! Laughing with friends is a fantastic tonic and im glad that you laughed a lot, I laugh a lot and sometimes at very innapropriate things, gets me into a lot of trouble sometimes. What on earth is green tea, it sounds vile, im just about to wind down with a large glass of neat navy rum, I am not sleeping well at present and im not really sure why so the rum may help relax me and wind me down. Let me know if you managed some sleep, I will try and log on before I drive away, I hate driving and am not that good at it. I have visitors from thursday on so may not get much chance to log on, but I will be thinking of you and hoping that you are a little bit happier as the days go on, remember you have made me laugh with the answers you give and this shows you are a great bloke with a huge heart who has a soft and caring nature, your only fault martini is that nice guys get hit harder and fall further and take a little longer to mend. You will find your love one day I promise!!

Posted on 5 April 2006 @ 21:48 (London time) - permalink
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When I left my husband he scoured the internet for a chat room that he could get support in. He stumbled on one that turned out to be a bereavement site. Apparently the people in there were more supportive to him because, in their words, their loved ones died still loving them whereas I had left because I stopped. Their loved ones didnt have the choice to leave and so they didnt feel rejected. So I think it would be easier to deal with if your loved one had died. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. There is nothing more unbearable than that heaviness in the pit of your stomach that wont go away. Unfortunately, only time will help but that's no consolation when you know you'll have to feel this way for the next while. The only thing you can do is 'try' to take your mind off it. The situation is not going to change so what's the point in dwelling on it. You sound like such a nice guy and your earlier post almost had me in tears so I find it very hard to believe that you wont find someone who deserves you sooner rather than later. Hope you feel better soon, Hugs. (wont be as good as Smeedles, not got a chest to write home about unfortunately!) xxx

Posted on 6 April 2006 @ 10:14 (London time) - permalink
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Thank you Smeedle and Italie... 8]

Posted on 7 April 2006 @ 2:26 (London time) - permalink
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Your welcome and how are you today, I think you have either seen or talked to your ex, am I right?

Posted on 9 April 2006 @ 19:38 (London time) - permalink
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What makes you think I talked or seen my ex? [strokes fuzzy chin] I guess it's probably my more active contributions to this site lately? However, no I have not seen nor heard from her since more than two weeks ago. Actually, after some thought, I think losing my lover to death would be a lot more difficult. I feel that I wouldn't be able to 'live properly' through the rest of my life without my beloved, knowing her heart was always mine. Losing someone to someone else gives me a clear conscience - as my friend DitS had mentioned a week ago. I pondered on his words, and came to this conclusion. I feel better today, because of a few things... A) I've refocussed my energy and time to the career related work I've neglected over the past year, B) I'm slowly and gradually re-building my ties to the people whom were almost always there for me, and C) I had the chance to get in touch with a girl whom I 'pushed' away about 6 years ago - I am hoping to start a friendship with her. If not, then blah. [shrugs] A and B is most important anyhow... 8] Thanks for asking Smeedle... 8]

Posted on 10 April 2006 @ 10:32 (London time) - permalink
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Sounds like you are slowly getting your head together and this is good. I for what it is worth think that loosing a loved one to death is final, loosing a loved one to another bloke means that there is still hope, even if there is not, in a broken heart there feels like just a little hope that they will come back to you. Throwing yourself into work is good as work is very theraputic and help us to re-focus and fill our day with thoughts other than pain, regret and sometimes deep depression. Getting in touch with old friends is fantastic as they will also help to focus you and are there to listen to you pour out your heart over a glass of jack daniels, (in my case box of red wine or loads of navy rum or port). Lesson for everyone is that when you start a relationship it is very easy to neglect your friends and only pick them up again when the relationship is over, this is so sad and a lesson that i have learned not to do over the many years that i have been on the earth, sign of a really true friend is one that understands that you want them when you are sad. well off to work, have a good day and smile 6 times.

Posted on 11 April 2006 @ 9:10 (London time) - permalink
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Hi! I'm new to this site and I was just flicking through the forums and this one caught my eye. I am very sorry Martini for your loss but i think from what i read of yours and smeedle's little chat that you have come very far in repairing your heart from what probably seemed like one of the most awful things that could of happened to you in life. Well done! :) Hope you are all well. nat x x x

Posted on 15 April 2006 @ 16:40 (London time) - permalink
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Thank you. 8] Yes, I am doing much better, though at times I do have bouts of anger... It's quite automatic. Like yesterday morning, before I went to dim sum with my cousins, I came out of the shower and started vomitting, due to the disgust I have with this whole thing. I've never felt so bad that I felt sick. Mmm... Mhm... Yup, just need time... And to fill in time with stuff. 8]

Posted on 15 April 2006 @ 21:1 (London time) - permalink
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