A
male
age
51-59,
*amdaman
writes:Hi everyonewell i am just curious as my wife is very secretive and i am very open minded in all matters i talk openly about everything and what i did before i got married to her. i have come of an age that i love listening to her telling me some of her own stories of what she used to get up to but she just doesnt want to say it and when i get frustrated she blurts out little bits but i dont want that to happen. do you think i am pushing? why cant she just open up completly with me as recently at a party she got drunk and she let this boy half her age whilst talking let him take out her boobs from the bra and touch her and this things even when she is drunk she has not let me do it as she is very conscious of such things. i am very high in sex whilst if she gets it once or twice in a month is enough
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female
reader, alwaysreadyandwilling +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I have never been able to get my head round how someone can be cool with this. On the other hand its far better than bein with someone who cheats,deceives and lies to the ones they claim to love and get jealous if it is done on them. At least there`s no betrayal.
A
male
reader, samdaman +, writes (15 July 2009):
samdaman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not mind at all if she thinks she wants to go further then so be it it, its no big deal but not in front of me but the day she says he took advantage or forcefully then yes i would be angry.she is flirty from before i got married to her and i love flirty girls there is nothing wrong as long as both people know what they are doing.i think the problem here is i want to know what she thinks and that becomes a problem as she can not share whilst i am different even if i have just hugged a woman i tell her how i felt and what the other woman felt as well. i am very open i cant keep a secret whilst she hides behind the drink.i think some girls never open up as i have never heard her saying anything about this to any of her friends either
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): some women just cant find the words to explain what things they used to get up to, maybe though she thinks that you shouldn't want to hear this about her, that you should be jealous of other men as for this guy taking her boobs out i guess you were excited by this, does that mean that youd like to take things further? could you see it developing into bringing another man into your relationship? or would you just like her to be flirty with other men only?
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A
male
reader, samdaman +, writes (14 July 2009):
samdaman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionirish woman49 i think your anwser could have been right but i know her well she has been always a flirt with or without any drink she is same as me. she wouldnt go far when she is sober but when she has had a few drinks then yes she might let them stroke her or touch him few times but not more then that well thast what i know rest she might be a true judge
i flirt a lot as well and one of her friend did fall in love with em and i had to send my wife to her friends house to sort it out as i dont like any complications i love flirting but nothing more. since then she knows that i am not the one to do anything wrong and she loves me for being honest about it.
i am very romantic and when i start saying or writing nice things to her she gets wet staright away and she loves the feeling i dont think she does this to hide things but she is just like that secretive maybe from a past experince. she is a lovely woman i love her immesley and she knows that. we do not have arguments or anything as i wont force her to tell me everything. she is a lovely woman no doubt and i cannot find a better wife then her and she knows that as i really praise her this saturday it will our 17th annivarsary and she has dirty thoughts as well as she has told me she likes this west indian guy at her work place and they have been out on company duos togather he is nice guy but nopthing much has gone on that much i know
there is no harm in flirting with opposite sex its fun and it does spice up our lives or anyone who knows where the limit is
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (14 July 2009):
 not always i normally remember stuff!
i do well with my drink handle it well so i get really hyper more than drunk and when i was VERY drunk which took me alot bits of the night i didn't remember but a guy kisssing my neck i DEFO remembered!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): She was aware! Believe me. Just my personal view here...but I'm thinking, that when a married woman flirts, she doing these actions, for one of 2 deeply painful reasons. 1) To please a husband, in which she should be setting boundaries and telling him NO, she won't allow herself to be manipulated in this fashion or 2) She needs to garner attention from other men, aside from her hubby...to feel valued and good about herself. But all it's doing is driving a hole in her heart and making her feel worse than ever. Does she feel pressured to appease your sexualfantasy to view or watch her turn on other men. Have you ever, ever, ever asked her...if she wants these same things as you? To me, perhaps she feels the 'score in this marriage' is a little bit uneven. If you are of a sexual mindset that you get 'turned on by the fact that other men want to desire her'...do you think maybe this 'mindset' of yours... turns 'her off'? Perhaps she resents it? You need to ask her that. Some or most woman are not programmed to actually appreciate their man wanting them to garner attentions from others. Most women are very, very committed to a marriage of fidelity. You both need to talk, dear. It sounds like you and she are on completely different pages here. Stop with the fantasies for a bit..and just love/respect her for the truely beauitful human she is...inside! And she needs to maybe learn to set some boundaries with you about what she will tolerate in this marriage. It's a 2 way street, and your behaviors could be making her feel very undervalued. Talk, reach out, give to her. Appreciate her.
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A
male
reader, samdaman +, writes (14 July 2009):
samdaman is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni understand what others are saying but yes i am a bit diffrent as i really love her and so does she. we have problems only communiating in this way i raise her self esteem so much as i really love her and she is beautiful and sexy she tells me this thing which she says even her parents never made as she comes from a loving family but there was no love there all materialistic only
she loves flirting as well and that she is very good at this is the first time she has let anyone touch her boobs when there was no one else in the ktichen at a friends party. i am cool with it as i have been married at least 17years so i have got that much faith in her and she has the same for me as well. i have other girl who are my friends and they all talk openly with me about everything though i dont have intercourse with them but just chat whilst my own wife seems to be very secretive she cant open up thats all and i love to hear this past opr even her fantasy when we have decide to just have a hand wash instead of going full way even that soemtimes.
i talk about anything and everything to her she cant talk openly with me and i am not the doubting guy at all if she feels like going all the way then so be it why not its not like making love but its just the urge so i dont find it repulsive or angry unless she says she feels taken advantage of by the other guy but which hasnt happened yet even this has happened for the first time and she was drunk. also when you are drunk do you forget everything you did or happened to you?
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A
male
reader, samdaman +, writes (14 July 2009):
samdaman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell she is very secretive and doesnt want to say anything about what she has done before we got married as she has been out with boys like most girls would have done and i am not very restrictive about it as i feel very happy when she says it to me plus i get turned on when i see her flirting with other man and this time by mistake the video camera was left recording and it recorded this young boy who i think is 20ish chat with her and remove her boobs from her bra which i really watching it find very fasinating and its a turn on for me.
when she is drunk i think with me she is still concious as even this time at the party each time i passed them in the kitchen they stopped doing it and as soon as i passed they were at it but amzing thing is she doesnt rememeber anything and the talk they were having was of his girlfriend who had dumped him so there was no lovey dovey type of talk but still she got turned on and i think its nice to get turned as sometimes when you go outside the boundary it does make you feel nice i dont mind that but at least say something to me what it feels like to you thats my question to her ut she cant talk and she says its wrongof me to do that and you should be getting angry with me but i cant as it does turn me on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Some people don't want to share stories from their pasts. Can you show respect to your wife by simply accepting that? Could she be frustrated because you are pressuring her a bit? If so..then yes, her reaction is telling that you are pushing a bit too much.
But I am not going to let her off the hook here. Why the heck is she allowing other men to touch her breasts? Clearly, you should be more disturbed that she even behaved this way, But instead, you appear to feel 'pouty' that she doesn't do it for you?? Wow! Aren't you angry that she's actually cheat on you? Most married guys would be ready to clean the other guy's clock for doing that to their wife. That really blows me away. Marriage is about commitment, respect and honor for each other. Not feeling upset that you can't sexually 'objectify' her and do to her, what she allowed another to do. I am not sure, but it sounds to me, that maybe she feels emotionally barren and not valued by you, in a respectful way.
You both need to find out why she'd 'devalue herself' by allowing someone else to fondle her and not you. I am thinking she doesn't possibly feel all that important, honored and cherished by you, in a decent, caring way. To me, your marriage sounds rife with problems and a over-riding lack of respect. And really, it sounds like she is 'not' the least bit interested in you as a lover and husband. She may be looking for other diversions, to mask the pain of how she's been treated sexually, for the past while. If she is doing this and continues on, she's going to lower herself..into this despair of low self-esteem...worse than ever. Try respecting her and treating her emotionally well. Cherish her, don't pressure her..make her feel womanly by 'giving love and respect' to her. Talk, snuggle, love each other without the sexual expectations of always what 'you want'. Allow her to heal and that may be the key to her opening up to you and responding better, in the long run. Also, marriage counseling may help you both.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (14 July 2009):
well for a start why is she letting some guy get her boob out?
but she maybe self concious of her body whilst sober i mean when i drink i am like her i open up HUGELY
become more relaxed maybe thats the case for her.
i mean she may feel concious about her own body and not want to parade it around and feel you may go off her.
she's probably insecure about her body and the way it looks.
i mean you shouldn't push her into telling you her own stories why get frustrated?
it's just a story? chill out and let her tell you in her own time!
hope this helps
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): There is a lot going on here...
For starters, letting another person do something when you are married, WITHOUT the partner's consent, is pretty horrible.
She doesn't seem to care about your feelings on the subject.
As easy at it is to say, you need to talk with her about her actions, and ask her why she is shy with you but not with randoms.
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