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Why hasn't he asked me to be his girlfriend yet?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 April 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 28 April 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i have been dating a great guy for 2 months now and we agreed to only see each other, but he has never asked me to be his girlfriend. could this be because he thinks it is still too soon? or maybe he isnt over his ex, who he broke up with at christmas? im really keen to push things to the next level and i want that sort of commitment. ive tried sneakily raising the topic but he never seems to click on.

am i being impatient?

View related questions: broke up, christmas, his ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012):

Be patient. His time schedule is different to yours. Imagine if he was wanting to move in together, how you would feel? It's not that you don't want to move in with him one day, just not yet. If he kept pushing you to, you would probably run away (?). It is a good sign when a man doesn't rush things. It means he is taking it seriously. Relationships can keep moving forward, but if they move forward too quickly it is difficult to move backwards without someone getting hurt.Relax, enjoy what you have, enjoy that you are exclusive. Two months is early days for some people.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (27 April 2012):

Odds agony auntDepends. If you're already sleeping with him without being official, it's because of that. If you're not sleeping with him, it's because he still needs some time to figure out if you're really the type to commit for a long while, or if you're the type who wants commitment but loses interest when she gets it. If it's the latter, understand that it isn't the sort of thing you can just take a girls' word on - he's trying to figure you out, and telling him you're a loyal girl isn't going to help.

Best bet is to treat him to a nice night. What that means depends on his personality. Maybe have him over to your place and cook a meal for him, or maybe go out to a pub and just hang on his arm. Maybe have a movie and a massage, or a morning hike and picnic. Figure something he'll like, plan it all out yourself, and make it special.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (26 April 2012):

chigirl agony auntTry to introduce him to people as your boyfriend. Pick someone you don't see that often first, just to check his reaction. If he just smiles and is happy about it and doesn't say anything then he is your boyfriend... Just because he hasn't declared it doesn't mean he isn't your boyfriend. But, labels are just labels.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntEWO is right, if you agreed to see only each other isn’t that “going steady” as us old timers called it? Doesn’t that make you his girlfriend?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (26 April 2012):

eyeswideopen agony auntIf you are only dating each other you sound like you are his girlfriend already. How does he introduce you to people?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012):

No you're not being impatient, if you feel ready to move things on then that's fair enough, everybody is different. The only way is to ask straight out, no beating around the bush. Straight to the point. "hey where do you see us going? How would you feel about us being in a monogamous relation" I like you more everyday... blah blah...etc" If he can't give you an answer and you want a serious relationship, then move on you're not compatible and you'd only be wasting time with him.

I hope it works out for you.

Good luck.x

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A female reader, Starlights United Kingdom +, writes (26 April 2012):

Starlights agony auntI think it could be too soon for him as he only broke up with his girlfriend on xmas.

You could try the direct approach if he doesnt click on to him and you being bf and gf or you can move on as he may not be interested in you that way.

You need to talk to him to see where you stand.

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