A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm unusual looking, average am over 35, pale, (bad skin which im trying to improve, and yes I do wear light make up to cover spots..) I am thinnish, I wear average clothes, glasses at times when I don't wear contacts, as I have very bad sight, I don't dress like a teen nor a 65 yr old.. I mostly wear jeans, that's are in fashion, and nice tops, shoes etc.. but do dress casual too, like we all do at times.. I know how to dress and use make up. I have bad skin I have to wear make up. please don't lecture me on skin care, Im getting help for my skin.I am not like "the norm" I am a single quieter, gay female, but feminine looking and not butch, I look straight, no one ever guesses, I like to blend in nd I often do. I don't like labels, ie gay women must be manly or butch, thats a load of crap, we are who we are. People often stare at me like Im a freak must be that Im pale etc ..and they may whisper or make comments to each. other. teens may stare and stare, Im average and pale, I know, but so are many, should I stare back? that may be seen s creepy or threatening.. So, to avoid trouble.. and possible argueing or worse.. is it better to ignore them,? especially if they are rude young guys or smart ass 20 somethings, or teen girls, or rude little kids or older women.I had an old lady stare and stare recently, and I ignored her but.. I felt like slapping her face, just because she's old doesn't mean she cant have manners! she was a rude old b*tch. I respect all people and am polite and nice, its part of my job in health care, I would never stare and stare at a person, I respect the elderly, why do some old people think they can be so rude? age doesn't give you a license to rudeness.. wether you are 15, 28 or 80.. Im a quieter person who goes about their business and doesn't bother people, I avoid confrontation. should I give an evil look or death stare is that no the thing to do?, esp with guys.. why do people stare? 'cos we are all different I guess,.. we human love to look, we are voyeurs at heart, but not everyone is pretty or supermodel looking! some of us are pale and shock horror occasionally wear glasses..or sweat pants to the supermarket, god how can I?no nastyness please am a little hurt here it doesn't always happen, only sometimes.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2014):
 I cannot know for sure, but I think you may be projecting. Meaning that YOU feel bad about your pale skin, glasses etc. so you tend to see as malicious
" stares " what are normal, idle glances. I mean, like, say you are in line at a cash register, or waiting for a train, what do you do to kill time and fight boredom, you look at people around you, without any particular intention, just like that... I know I do it all the time, granted I am less in your face than a 15 y.o. would be, and I know better than just drinking you with my eyes, but then again , do not assume that if they do they are thinking anything special, or think anyting BAD. If you have a problem with a part of your body, you will tend naturally to feel that all the world has a problem with it too. While most of the times, they don't- they just don't care, either way, good or bad.
I am saying this because I am pale too ( and for an Italian, VERY pale, people takes me for Irish all the time ) yet I never noticed that people looked daggers at me for it. Even more for the glasses, I used to wear contacts and I still do for social occasions, but I suffer from dry eyes so for everyday I am more comfortable with my glasses on, and mine are THICK glasses. Still, ..maybe I can't pull handsome young men when I wear my glasses, oth I never noticed I draw any articular curiosity. I mean, the world is chockFULL of people wearing eyeglasses !, why should all these people mind just yours ?...
I think that if you find a way to like yourself more , and be more at ease with your body, to accept it with all its LITTLE imperfections ( you haven't quoted anything dramatic, in fact , in my book, pale skin rocks ! ) you'll also see the stares decrease or disappear .
P.S. : as an Italian... I do have a problem with sweatpants at the supermarket, exactly : God how can you ?, LOL !
Relax. It's a joke. If you feel good dressed for comfort, dress for comfort. As long as you feel comfortable in your skin, they won't stare.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2014): Everyone gets some form of uncomfortable staring/experiences in their lives, heightened by insecurities that they already have. You'll just have to ignore them because not everyone you feel is staring is actually staring. Some of it will be in you're head because it feeds on what you don't like already.
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