A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am hoping to get some input on my dating situation. I am 33 mother of 2 boys that live with me, 10 and 12. I have been single for a few years now. I started dating about 6 months ago. I have met two guys that I really liked. Seems like they both really liked me and had interest in pursuing a relationship with me. The second guy was very into me it seemed, we talked on the phone for hours and hours. Then when we slept together the interest seemed to vanish. Why do men do that? I am a beautiful, intelligent woman with a lot to offer. Why does it seem like men just want to get me in bed and then forget about me? Any input will be extremely appreciated. Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Honeypie is right, you may have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince, but you certaintly don't have to have sex with any of the frogs in order to find him.A man looking for a long-term committed relationship will have no problem waiting a while to have sex. Hell, just a few generations ago it was perfectly acceptable for a woman to make a man wait until he had married her before she would have sex with him. Of course that is a bit extreme these days, but you get the idea. As far as the internet goes, I wouldn't discount it entirely. A lot of people have found their soulmates online. Its all about where you go looking for them. You are going to find scumbags everywhere for sure, whether its match.com or eharmony.com, but I know for a fact that there are a lot of good men looking for serious relationships on sites like eharmony. The important thing to remember is wether you find a man at church, a bar, or on the internet; keep your guard up until that man earns your trust with his actions as opposed to his words.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the Advisw HoneyPie :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 July 2009):
 Thank you for answering my questions. You are looking for a man in all the wrong places. I seriously don't think the Internet is the best way to met a man to have a future with. Even if it does happen to a lot of people. You can I suppose get lucky on the Internet.
First of all, I think you need to understand that getting to really know a guy before having sex is a good thing. Bond over something that isn't physical.
If you jump into bed with a guy after some IM/texts and a few phone calls, they will perceive you as looking for sex, not a relationship.
Finding the right guy is hard. It does involve kissing a few frogs on the way. But you need to be picky. You need to take the time to get to know them, after all you have two boys who will be VERY affected by your choice in men.
Why not try something else? Find a hobby - take some classes - get out there in the REAL world and met people.
My best advice is this, take your time getting to know a guy, if you want something more then a little " bang for your bucks."
And don't settle.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Why do you buy a can of coke, drink it and then throw the can away?
I swear to god, sometimes I think no woman could ever figure out the answer to that question.
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A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (10 July 2009):
There's a good chance that the guy's you've met are married and they've only used you for a booty call. That's why they've ether stopped talking to you or toned everything down afterwords.I've never tried dating online so I don't have much advice to give in that area, but maybe you could find someone you could meet locally outside of the internet.Maybe try to join some local clubs or singles groups that way you'll have a better chance to find someone that isn't such a jerk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not the kind of girl to sleep around. at one point I have gone almost a year without being sexually active. With the first guy I fought w myself for 4 hours before I gave in. I just don't understand why men are that way. If some1 likes me why would they walk away after they got me in bed. When I like some1 and then have sex w them it can sometimes only makes it better. I agree with the advice that I should get to know someone before giving it all. Thanks every1 :)
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A
female
reader, togoodtobetrue  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I'm struggling with the same problem? Over and over again! I wish sometimes one can use them before they use us? But our hands is so cut off. I dont drink realy or smoke? I'm the stay at home type? I also have a lot to offer and it looks like its just not good enough! So good luck and know its not you.. because there is other girls that get the same treatment from them. Its them..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I met both guys on line. with the first one we had emailed, text and talked on the phone for about 1 month. We hung out 4 times before having sex. We still taked on the phone and text for a week before he dissapear. the second one we talked on phone and text for about 3 weeks and had sex 2nd time we met. we still text all the time but he does not seem to flirt anymore.
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A
female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 If youre giving in straight away then it doesnt matter how much of a pretence they put up before meeting, they only were in it for one thing, they had their cake and eat it. You shouldnt give in to any man straight away, good things come to those who wait!
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A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (10 July 2009):
That's a tough one. But like Honeypie asked how long do you know them before you sleep with them? If it's pretty quickly then you probably give them the impression that you're just in it for the sex.
You also could be meeting the wrong kind of guys.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (10 July 2009):
There are a lot of guys who just want to get as many notches in their belt as they can. They'll say anything to get what they want. Its quantity of partners that matters to them, not quality. Not all men are like this. Waiting to have sex until you are in a committed relationship will help you find them. 1. It will eliminate the guys who are just looking for a quick lay.2. It will keep your total number of sexual partners low, so when you do find the love of your life, he won't be haunted by a long list of past sexual partners who used your body and then discarded you like yesterdays newspaper.Trust me; men who are looking for a long-term committed relationship will have no problem waiting a few months to get to know you before bringing sex into the equation. He will also have more respect for you knowing that you have enough self confidence to win a man's heart with your mind and personality instead of sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): Well some men genuinely want a serious committed relationship and some others just want you to spread your legs. You've just run into the wrong people and that happens to everyone. Maybe you're rushing into bed with these guys and after you give what they want, they leave. I think you should get to know them first before going to bed with them
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 July 2009):
How long do you date a guy before sleeping with him? And how much time do you spend with him? ( physically, not texting not on the phone, IM or such)
Where did you met the guys?
I can not tell you why they do it. Maybe they had no interest in commiment or a relationship.
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