A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My friend of 20 plus years has a plan to come and visit me.We have been crushing on each other for years now that we have come in contact with one another on Facebook we really want to see each other.We talked about being in a relationship but our friendship is young I want to grow with him just to find out who is he really and if there are things he could be hiding.I don't want meddle but I need to know each and everything about this man before I open my heart to him.He's sweet and have sense of humor and he makes me smile but I can't put my hands on it I don't know it's something else going on.How can I ask him about any hidden secrets that I need to know before we decide to be together maybe even marriage.He spoke of marriages how real it is I don't know.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 It sounds like you have got talking to an old friend again over the internet. It is good he plans to come and visit you, but why now after 20 years? What has changed?
I think talking about a relationship is much to soon, you need to get to know each other on a face to face basis much better first, what is the rush? Why is he in such a hurry? Is he hiding something? Has he just broke up with someone? These are questions I would be asking.
You don't need to meddle but you do need to slow things down and take your time getting to know him. Don't rush in to anything and tell him you want to take things slow and make sure you are both compatible. Words mean nothing.
I think you know yourself he is wanting to much to soon and that is why you are worried, I would be the same, I would be scared off what his intentions are after all this time. Talking about marriage is a big red flag when you are only beginning to talk on facebook again.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 November 2016):
 You are feeling cautious because although you like the idea of a relationship, and marriage, deep down you are aware that crushing for 20 years is not a good basis for a relationship.
He is talking marriage too soon .... this is a red flag. You might have known each other very well 20 years ago but neither of you know who the other is now .... you were young adults on the brink when you last saw each other, a lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then and who knows what changes there have been in each of you.
Tell him you want to take it slow, getting to know each other first, before you will commit to a relationship, and certainly before you want to discuss marriage.
If either of you have a family or jobs you will need to consider, when the time comes for a more committed relationship, consider who moves where, who gives up what, how the finances will work and all those other issues that nobody thinks about in the first flush of feeling "in love"
Don't be rushed, take your time, and while he is there listen to your inner voice, your intuition, and see how it goes.
Good luck!
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