| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, It's not really about relationship advice, I just wanted help. Saturday it was my friend's birthday so we all went out. I got wasted and the man I have liked for ages and who told me he liked me too was there. But when he saw me he went somewhere else. The thing is now I feel so embarrased because when I have a few drinks I go wild. My friends think it's really funny but I hate it. I only drink because I am quite shy with people I don't know and I want to be confident. The next morning my brother was out that night too and he said I was so drunk just shouting at people I know from work. Now it's been a few days and I'm too embarrassed to go to work, even though I didnt do anything really bad, just rowdy. I wanna stop getting drunk and have more confidence and I know how men percieve drunks. People say that is why I dont have a boyfriend. I have been a model for the last two years so people believe me to be a big head, whereas I can't even talk to men. What can I do? thanks xx
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female
reader, Sami +, writes (15 November 2005):
It might be fun to go out and drink but you do not realize what you really look like when you are drunk. Alcohol knocks out the part of your brain that tells you right from wrong not to mention putting you in dangerous situations. How would you like to have a DUI and ruin yours and/or someone else's life? You need to have just one or two drinks and if you are unable to do that, then don't drink at all. Alcohol will get you one way or another, maybe fast or maybe slow but it will get you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): "Wasted" here is the problem. The goal should be buzzed and feeling only mildly disoriented. Were you trying to get wasted or you lost track or you never cared, or what? Figure out what your level of drinks is in order to obtain a buzz and then stick to that. If people are buying rounds then switch to a softdrinks.
Lets face it- you appear to have an unfortunate drunk personality. At least you arent provoking fights but people are going to judge your 'true character' by this. "Rowdy" behavior of "shouting to people I know" make you seem like a basket case. And its being an annoying drunk.
Find your limit and stick with it. Because from now on your are forewarned that getting wasted shouldnt be an option.
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A
female
reader, louiseBaker +, writes (14 November 2005):
When i was younger i used to be exactly the same, and i felt like i was really popular and the life and soul of the party when i was drinking. What you've got to remember is that its one thing meeting a guy whilst your under the influence of drink and being this talkative confident person. However what are you going to do if he rings the next day and wants to meet up and your feeling sober and all your confidence is gone? Linking alcohol to confidence is the problem, alcohol takes away your inhibitions but it does not make you confident as such. You've got to learn to believe in your confidence levels without the drink and this can be done through taking on a hobby, interest or through being more active at work. You can't grow in confidence without facing it head on and conquering a few fears. Think about what you do in your life that is interesting and that you can have a conversation with someone about. Just be natural,and above all be yourself. If a bloke or anyone else for that matter can't accept you for who you really are then they are not worth hanging about with. If all else fails in the conversation department then take an interest in what the bloke is doing, ask him questions about his job, interests, family etc. He'l be pleased that your taking an interest and that you don't just talk about yourself. I used to make such a big effort trying to be something that i thought everyone else would be impressed by but all you need to do is be yourself and have confidence in who you are. By the way don't even worry about work coz everyone gets drunk and rowdy on a work do and its not something to be embarassed about unless you've done something terrible like taken all your clothes off!! just laugh it off!! showing your botherd just makes it worse.
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A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (14 November 2005):
 First stop drinking and don't drink no matter what. Be the designated driver. People love the designated driver. Once you get the reputation as cool if everyone else is drinking, and you are sober, Just watch how as they get drunk, they get rowdy too.
Once others are drunk, just pretend to be the rowdy person. Sounds weird but pay attention to the person you wish you were. Copy bits and peices of what you like (NEVER too much from any one source lest you repel others.) Bring out your new you when everyone else is feeling loose so if you feel like your a fraud, no one will notice or remember.
Each of us has the capacity to be whatever and whoever we want. We choose our thoughts based on experiences and often those are with others who all have selfish agendas. Who is to say who you really are except you. There is no such thing as an original person we are all fabricated. Just decide who forms you.
You seem young because as you age, you will realize that no matter how much you try, your reputation is not really in your hands. It is in the eye of each individual so even if you mess up, every person you will ever know did not see it.
There might be no way to get around your shyness. I have always been very sensitive to what others think about me, to the point of obsession. But after years of doing everything I could (and I mean absolutely everything) to influence what others thought only to be soooo defeated that I finally gave up.
Then after I could not give a flip it dawned on me. Why spend all that time worrying what the masses think of me when I never really thought about what I think of them.
In fact that is the secret. Up to a certain age (different for everybody) everyone is so self-ish or self centered that they go about life completely wrong. They try to influence what others think of them instead of just being who you want to be.
Impress yourself only. If you need ideas, copy the minor bits from every where you go. Listen more than you talk (that alone will do it as that is a rare person to listen for listenings sake and not to defend or shine brighter.)
And if you can't say no to the drinks go to AA or Alanon meetings. The people who tend to need them are those who drink for for personality like a worker using a tool to earn money. You do not want to have to wait till it is near impossible to change. Start good habits young. In the meetings you will find a voice, learn about boundries and there you will find amazing info on controlling your life and avoiding the control you gave away to others.
Perhaps, you will have to be one who learns the hard way. But you are asking the right question at the end. What you can do is find out who you really are you and take care of you. And when we are the best we can be, then we are happy and who cares about what the rest think then!
And in the imortal words of Dr. Phill's dad, "you wouldn't care what others thought about you so much, if you knew how little they did."
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A
reader, schlottjl +, writes (14 November 2005):
First stop drinking and don't drink no matter what. Be the designated driver. People love the designated driver. Once you get the reputation as cool if everyone else is drinking, and you are sober, Just watch how as they get drunk, they get rowdy too.
Once others are drunk, just pretend to be the rowdy person. Sounds weird but pay attention to the person you wish you were. Copy bits and peices of what you like (NEVER too much from any one source lest you repel others.) Bring out your new you when everyone else is feeling loose so if you feel like your a fraud, no one will notice or remember.
Each of us has the capacity to be whatever and whoever we want. We choose our thoughts based on experiences and often those are with others who all have selfish agendas. Who is to say who you really are except you. There is no such thing as an original person we are all fabricated. Just decide who forms you.
You seem young because as you age, you will realize that no matter how much you try, your reputation is not really in your hands. It is in the eye of each individual so even if you mess up, every person you will ever know did not see it.
There might be no way to get around your shyness. I have always been very sensitive to what others think about me, to the point of obsession. But after years of doing everything I could (and I mean absolutely everything) to influence what others thought only to be soooo defeated that I finally gave up.
Then after I could not give a flip it dawned on me. Why spend all that time worrying what the masses think of me when I never really thought about what I think of them.
In fact that is the secret. Up to a certain age (different for everybody) everyone is so self-ish or self centered that they go about life completely wrong. They try to influence what others think of them instead of just being who you want to be.
Impress yourself only. If you need ideas, copy the minor bits from every where you go. Listen more than you talk (that alone will do it as that is a rare person to listen for listenings sake and not to defend or shine brighter.)
And if you can't say no to the drinks go to AA or Alanon meetings. The people who tend to need them are those who drink for for personality like a worker using a tool to earn money. You do not want to have to wait till it is near impossible to change. Start good habits young. In the meetings you will find a voice, learn about boundries and there you will find amazing info on controlling your life and avoiding the control you gave away to others.
Perhaps, you will have to be one who learns the hard way. But you are asking the right question at the end. What you can do is find out who you really are you and take care of you. And when we are the best we can be, then we are happy and who cares about what the rest think then!
And in the imortal words of Dr. Phill's dad, "you would not care what others think so much if you knew how little they did."
...............................
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