A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I of 3 years just recently had a baby about 2 weeks ago. I understand men like to read and/or watch porn and I've had this talk with him a few times before because he would sneak off while i was asleep and watch it instead of having anything to do with me. Since then our sex life has improved. I still, to this day, don't care that he reads/watches it ONLY on his smart phone, he's not to use my computer for it.. it's kinda like a slap in the face to me. He's abide my rule, however today I noticed once again he took longer in the bathroom, I already know what that means, when I looked at his phone he was reading on Incest porn. I know he's into a whole bunch of things that I'm not, but Incest porn!? We just had a little girl! I'm going to have a talk with him about it but I have NO idea what was going on in his mind when he decided to look this particular erotic story up. Can anyone shed some light on why he would even be interested in something like this knowing that we have a 2 week old daughter????
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2015):
 What a person looks at in porn is not necessarily what they would do in real life.
I have been exposed to incest porn (written) and I get the whole thing about why it's "hot" It does not mean he wants to be sexual with his family.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 January 2015):
 You're breaking trust by snooping. You need to TALK to him about these sort of things, not rifle through his phone, which is a breach of trust.
Let me ask you this -- would a guy have the right to drug a woman to violate her and have sex with her because he thought she'd say no to him if he asked her?? Of course not! That would be RAPE!
That's a very extreme example, but the parallel to what you're doing is this:
You're VIOLATING the guy's trust by snooping because you're afraid he'll say "No" to telling you what turns him on. What you are doing is wrong.
The guy is a porn addict. If you're okay with his watching porn, you need to be okay in your ACTIONS, and not just lip service. Your child should be your priority. Don't stress yourself out by trying to dig into your fiance's fantasies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): You've left out a some details; but even not knowing exactly what kind of "incest porn" he was watching, he's now a father. He's not a bachelor anymore, free to do whatever he wants.
Extreme hardcore porn should be the furthest thing from his mind. Sounds like his curiosity is getting a bit warped. Time to take a break from any kind of porn when you start viewing stuff that will scare your wife.
Sometimes you have to set limits on your tastes and indulgences. You never want to reach the point where anything goes. Then you're sick. You have to draw the line somewhere. He is the father of a daughter, and a husband now. His tastes should remain somewhere less extreme. Out of respect for his marriage, and to keep you from suspecting you're married to a degenerate or a pedophile.
The word "incest" alone justifiably should upset you; but you have to also consider the images he watched. Not just the category of porn.
Don't even begin to think you can regulate his use of porn; because he'll continue to do it in secret. It may only take a frank discussion that his tastes are starting to bother you. Remind him he is a father now, and you shouldn't have to be concerned about things like this.
If you have to monitor him like a sex-offender, maybe you ought to consider a divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2015): It was called "Family F*** Night". So all parties were involved. And yes I know I'm in the "no sex for 6 weeks" zone, but there are other things we did before we got our internet back (it had been out for a week). I look at his phone because I like to know what he gets into, what his turns ons are and if there's anything I'd be interested in trying, he's not exactly one for talking about what he likes because to him it shows weakness. I know he doesn't pose as a threat to our daughter, however, it peaks my interest as to why incest porn at all?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2015):
What kind of incest porn was he looking at?? Was it specifically daddy/daughter, or was it generalized brother/sister/whatever?
You're going to have a lot to answer for yourself. If he was abiding by the rules of using porn only on his phone, then why were you going through his phone?? You knew he was looking at porn that morning, but you still had to go look? Not only that, but you can't even have sex now if you gave birth 2 weeks ago. You're in the 6-week no sex thing, so why are you surveilling his cell phone???
This guy is a porn addict for starters, and I'd be disturbed as well if this particular incest story was "daddy/daughter" after having had a child. Many porn addicts try to find more shocking porn because they've become desensitized to "vanilla" porn, like gay porn if you're straight, or shemale, BDSM, orgies, and incest.
What are you going to even say?? If you think he's a threat to your child, then why even have words with him if you aren't willing to back them up?? He abided by everything you talked about, yet still you're snooping and don't trust him.
This is complicated, and you'll have to be willing to walk away from the relationship.
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