A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This question is mainly directed to Men but feel free anyone to answer every little helps :)After a friend got dumped we went to her house to comfort her. She said she wanted to hurt her ex emotionally. I told her not to stoop to his level but my friends were having a debate the other night and it really got me thinking.What really hurts a guy emotionally apart from like break ups? there was a number of things mentioned but some dont really make sense so i was hoping if you could tell me some things that hurt men emotionally?x x
View related questions:
her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPersonally I think its cruel trying to get revenge on him but I'm not sure why they broke up and its not my business its' theirs but I was curious to know what upset men like their egos or are the just the same as women but just don't show their emotions due to pride. I have NO INTENTION of revenge on anyone. Thank you to all who replied
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (29 December 2011):
What makes you think guys aren't hurt by the same things that hurt women? Just because we may internalize it more and tend not to be too open when it comes to our feelings, doesn't mean they're not there.
Besides, people let things get to them on varying degrees. Some guys don't handle breakups well at all, where some women can be just fine after the fact. Its not gender specific. What hurts someone personally is a question of individuality, not gender.
And why do you want to know? Are you or your friend planning on actually acting upon this silly revenge? People break up with other people. It happens all the time. Yes it sucks, but often two people don't "click" as well as they think they will and eventually things come to an end. She may be feeling hurt and betrayed and all the other emotions that come with heartbreak, but she'll move on. She'll get on with her life, find enjoyment in new things, and be much better off for it. Planning out a revenge scheme will only prolong her pain and create an even more disasterous situation for everyone.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): You are supposed to be here to resolve problems, not to cause them. I can only wonder just why some people dont see why they get dumped on time after time.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Why not try to be a nice person (if thats possible). He will then feel responsible for you being the horrible person he remembers and will question his own attitude. Other than that i think he has probably been punished enough through knowing you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Try registering on dating sites. He will hate the thought of everyone knowing his ex is a dating site chick.
...............................
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (29 December 2011):
There was a reason her ex dumped her. It is very bad to go trying to revenge someone because they no longer wish to be in a relationship. What if he reacts in a way you don`t like? Not all people will sit back and allow people like you to make their life a misery. He may well strike back at you even worse. Have you thought of that?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 December 2011):
If he dumped her, nothing she does can cause him pain. The only way she could hurt him is if he cared for her - and given that he dumped her, it's unlikely he did in the end.
Perhaps instead of trying to get revenge, she should work out why she was dumped. She and your friends all sound unpleasant, and if you go looking for revenge, all that will happen will be that he'll laugh and she'll feel worse. Because if he works out that she's desperate to hurt him, he'll revel in the fact that she's the one in pain, and it will stroke his ego very nicely.
She's going to look like a right loser if she tries anything. And anyone around her will too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): no one has any right to go seeking revenge just because someone does not wish to continue a relationship with them. you are ridiculous.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Loss of status and loss of anything associated with their "manhood" will hurt a guy. Men are conditioned to be obsessed with 'being a man.' But women are not told endlessly by society whenever they face hardship to 'be a woman." Women are free to be themselves. But men have to "be a man." so you just need to find out what that represents to this particular guy - does it mean his money, having women give him attention, what?
...............................
A
female
reader, feralfox +, writes (29 December 2011):
Guys are a lot more sensitive than we give them credit for, but in my experience it takes one particular girl to really cause them emotional pain. If you're not that girl, then the best thing you can do to get in his head is to simply walk away and not look back-- treat yourself to a new outfit and take really good care of yourself. Showing that you are over it tells him he doesn't matter, and that stings! When he sees his ex looking gorgeous and walking down the street, looking in control of her life and her emotions, he will think "Jeez, maybe I made a mistake?"
I am ashamed to say that I have tried to get revenge before, and I feel guilty about it to this day. We were both very drunk when we broke up, and instead of waiting to sober up and talk about it again later I made a huge huge huge mistake. After ten shots of whiskey that night I went over to his friend's house and slept over. We did not have sex but we did make out and I knew it was going to drive my ex crazy. Well, I sure got the reaction I wanted but because if it I broke up a friendship and put him through some pain. I felt terrible and I have always regretted this decision and the way I hurt him in such an immature way. So please tell you friend it's not worth it, she WILL feel guilty, and even if she is mad right now it will soon blow over when she meets someone better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): You have no right revenging anyone for not wanting to be with someone. What is he supposed to do,spend the rest of his life with who he doesnt want to be with? Dont expect sympathy when it backfires on you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): it depends why he dumped you in the first place.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): A spiteful bitch has many ex`s.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Ego and reputation. Give a guy a reputation for having/being shit in bed, a small willy, an STD, being a creep who feels up passed out girls at parties, make any of these a widely known rumour to such an extent that it takes a life of its own and watch him crumble.
We're not less emotional we just care about different things than women. We're not going to cry because some effeminate sparkling vampire married a boring, emotionless chore of a woman in a movie but we are susceptible to a good ego bashing. But that's just a general thing.
In your friends case moving on would be the best revenge; there is literally nothing she can do to hurt him emotionally because she'll just look spiteful if she does and to be honest that makes us guys feel great, it gives us an ego boost because it means we're that cool that she is still thinking about us and still can't let go. Also it means we were correct in our decision to dump her because she's spiteful.
Look it might not seem fair and she may be aching to hurt him but it will mean nothing to him, not only that but she may well get a reputation for being a bit of a game playing manipulative bitch. You see she's the dumpee, she deserves sympathy right now no matter what he says but if she goes all bunny boiler on him then very few people will still have sympathy for her.
As The Realist said the best chance she has to get back at him is to move on and be happy and soon. You see that's a bit of a kick to the ego for us guys, we like our exes to linger for ages, sad, lonely and thinking about us because it means we've had an effect on their lives it makes us feel special. Now I'm not talking about getting a new guy that's just funny to us because it'll be a rebound that will crash and burn. A truly happy ex, that has moved on quick and will not in any circumstances ever speak to us again. That hurts pretty bad; especially if he ends up thinking ending it was a mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): People get dumped for reasons. The reason why he dumped her will have hurt him emotionally. You are here asking for ideas on revenge and I believe you are asking for yourself. Move on and grow up!!! people like you should be locked up!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 There are many issues with this. One is that you may not be able to hurt him because guys just tend to be less emotional. Two is that you are most likely going to watch your friend get crushed over this because he will find far more to hurt her with then you two could ever think of. What I am trying to say is revenge is not the way to go. If she wants to do the right thing instead of some stupid high school bs then just cut him out completely and move on with life. It is the best thing for her to do and in the end it may hurt him to see his ex doing so well instead of spending all her time with him still on her mind.
...............................
|
