A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i feel really strange asking this and a bit odd, but i dont know were else i can get the answers im looking for. so im 18 and ive never had sex. i do masterbate ( sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, you dont have to read all the way through)the only time i feel good while 'self pleasuring myself' is if i constinitly rub my clit. i dont know why. if i dont, it hurts or i dont feel any real pleasure at all. i guess what i really wanna know is, is it gunna be like that when i actually finally do decide to have sex? is it not as pleasuring to woman as to men? and am i doing something wrong? i dont understand please help explain i understand how me asking this is weird i just would really like to know why it hurts it i dont do it that certain way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Chigirl gives a perfect answer here.From personal experience, you will know when your ready to lose your virginity, you will get a strong urge for a boyfriend and an even stronger urge for sex. If you have to question it then you are not ready. The only question will change is if it's with the right person. It can happen at any age but I believe you should wait until you feel and know you are ready. I advise you to wait until your in a relationship also because you will experience very strong emotions for the person and if it's someone you don't entirely trust that may leave afterwards then that can leave you emotionally scarred and even turn you off sex.You will always remember your first time, It doesn't have to be perfect but it shouldn't be an experience you regret.The reason it doesn't feel comfortable to insert your finger while masturbating is because you haven't broken your hymen (the sealed skin that breaks when first having sex) That will change after sex but it's not certain to say you will be able to climax from that, You may always stick to rubbing your clit which is normal.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (22 March 2013):
Take a good look at the reply from "chigirl".
When you are really ready to have real sex, it will be different than what you feel now. That's because now you are concentrating almost exclusively on the physiological part of sex. Real sex has mental and emotional aspects that you don't yet understand, even if you have a few ideas about them.
(I don't mean to insult or belittle you in any way by saying that. It's mostly a statement about where you are in your life experience. I certainly didn't understand the emotional and mental aspects of sex when I was your age, and really only began to understand them after my wife and I experienced the emotional and physical intensity of a double-virgin wedding night when we were 23.)
Even on a physical level, women can - and do - enjoy sex as much as men. Unfortunately, Western culture has often taught them otherwise. As a general guideline, your grandmother's generation allowed women to enjoy sex but they weren't supposed to admit it. Your great grandmother probably had the idea that women merely "tolerated" sex, mostly to satisfy their husbands. And if your great-great-grandmother was a "proper" lady she "endured" sex because it was the only way to make babies. It's much more difficult to take off that much cultural conditioning than to take off your clothes.
If it's pleasurable, continue to experiment with masturbation and discover your body's orgasm response pattern. You can use that knowledge to educate your partner when you find him - hopefully, he'll be your life partner and lover. Especially if you are familiar with your physiological sexual response there is no rush to have sex with just any guy, mainly to see what it's like.
(I should add that my wife has never been either successful nor comfortable with pleasuring herself, but she definitely enjoys the orgasms she gets when we have sex. They often happen with my penis inside her, but for every one of those she probably gets at least 2 others from my fingers, mouth, or humping against me. Those are techniques that we learned together, so don't worry if it doesn't seem to be working for you when you do it by yourself.)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 March 2013):
 if it hurts don't do it.
I don't orgasm from penetration.. never have never will
sex doesn't hurt but it's not sky rockets... the only way I'm going to orgasm is with my hands or a shower massage.
Talking about sex is the first thing you do.. get comfortable with your body and talking about it.
NEVER expect anyone but you to be responsible for your orgasm and you will never be disappointed.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 It's just as pleasurable for men as it is for women. And masturbating is nice and pleasurable, but it is very different from having sex with someone you love.
When you masturbate, don't do things that hurt you! It's not like you're "supposed" to do this or that. You only do what feels nice to you, ok? If rubbing the clit is what works for you then that's what you do. For the wast majority of women, it's the clit that give them pleasure. Did you know that the clitoris is the female equivalent of the mans penis? As a fetus, the parts are the exact same at one point, and then the part that turns into the penis for men turns into the clitoris for women. They have the same amount of nerve endings, and the stimulation gives pretty much the same results. When a man masturbates he stimulates his penis, and in particular the head of the penis (where the nerve endings are). When women want to reach an orgasm we stimulate our clitoris. Yes, there are other ways to reach orgasm (I heard in tantric sex they orgasm from breathing in a certain manner), but stimulation of penis and clitoris are by far the most common, easiest and fastest ways.
Intercourse does feel nice for a woman too, but only if you are turned on enough. Your body will ache for it, and that's when you'll know you're ready for it. Sex with someone you love also feels good just because there are so many other things to enjoy than just the pure physical experience.
For example... wraps your arms around yourself to hug yourself. That feels nice I guess. But it feels really nice when you get a hug from someone else, doesn't it? Especially if it's a hug from a boy you have a crush on, right?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Very few women orgasm from intercourse. As you've figured out, women get pleasure from the clitoris, not the vagina. That's 100% normal. Just like men get pleasure from their penis, not their scrotum. For most women the intercourse feels nice, but the "real event" in terms of physical pleasure is fingers, oral sex, or using a vibrator.
I'm a little confused by what you're saying, but I think what you're saying is if you try to put your fingers in your vagina without rubbing your clitoris first, it hurts? If that's the case, that's normal. Your vagina expands and lubricates when you get turned on. Before having sex you need to be VERY turned on and then it shouldn't hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): Your not doing anything wrong, you know how to pleasure yourself, the way you like it.
BUT don't go into sex and think that a guy will know how to pleasure you. It can take a while to get to know what each other like sexually. Also most woman dont really fine there first time that pleasurable to be honest, it takes time.
Woman are harder to satisfy then a man. No matter what 95% of the time a man will "come" and thats it a woman takes longer sometime particularly if you are in a new sexual relationship.
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