A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Would you refer to someone you dated years ago as a "friend" or an "ex girlfriend". My boyfriend always calls girls he went to school with "friends" even though I'm pretty sure they are girls that he dated. I'm not sure why he does that. He's very open about the fact that he was very popular in high school and had sex with a lot of girls. He still lives in his high school town so he often sees someone from the past and he always refers to them as "my friend such and such" as in "I saw my friend Ellen" or "I'm going to see my friend Jill, she's in town from xwz." why wouldn't he say "ex gf" or girl I dated? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, elise22  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 I think I'd only call an ex-boyfriend 'ex-boyrfriend' if the break-up was where the relationship ended and there was no contact afterwards. If I'd stay in touch with a guy and actually be platonic friends with him, I'd call him a friend. It would be weird if there were no feelings left whatsoever but the fact that you once dated defines your friendship. So I guess he wouldn't say ex-girlfriend because he really sees them as just friends.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (15 April 2013):
To many people, perhaps the majority in our culture, the term "ex" is a pejorative associated with acrimony and hard feelings. In many cases that is the connotation somebody wants to communicate when referring to an "ex" but that's not always the case.
I have loved two women in my life, and have essentially no dating experience except for those two. The first started in the last couple months of High School and continued for about 7 months. Our breakup hurt but I can't deny that she was a very significant person to me. She taught me a LOT about relating to women as well as making love with them - even though I never fondled her or saw her naked, much less had sex. I think we could have had a long and fulfilling marriage.
The girl I loved four years later became my wife and we have been life partners for almost 39 years. My first lover is no secret to my wife, poses no threat, and my wife recognizes that my experience is part of what makes me, ME. I think my wife and I are a better match for each other than I was to my first girlfriend but I wonder how much of that is simply because I was 18 with my first lover but 22 when I met my wife.
It seems somewhat slanderous or degrading to refer to my former girlfriend as an "ex". We freely chose each other and truly cared for each other. It's been over 40 years since I saw her but I wish we could meet again. I have no intentions of restarting a romance but she is more than just another old acquaintance. I truly hope she is happy and has experienced a fulfilling marriage.
Patty, if you happen to see this don't be afraid to contact me.
(While you think about this question, read the lyrics to Dan Fogelberg's song "Same Old Lang Syne" at http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Same-Old-Lang-Syne-lyrics-Dan-Fogelberg/C33CA8E54ECC73AB48256AAB0022DE2D and the short article at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same_Old_Lang_Syne . Gack! He's MY age and been dead for over 5 years now!)
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A
male
reader, GrYmsin +, writes (15 April 2013):
It's simple. I call my exs friends because I felt the relationship was never meant to be and I don't see them as someone I harbor romantic feeling for anymore.
An ex to me is someone that I may still have a bit of feelings left over for, no matter how small they are. For me I have two friends and one ex. They all were my girlfriends at one point but only two of them I can talk with on a regular basis and not be attracted to them anymore. My one ex on the other hand is someone that I may fall for all over again so I don't communicate with her anymore.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (15 April 2013):
I think it depends on how significant of a thing was between them. If it didn't make that big an impression, if it was a long time ago, if they are friends now and the relationship or fling part of it has sort of been forgotten, it's easy to just refer to them as friend now. I have an ex bf, technically ex fiance from over 5 years ago. I'm now married and am still friends with him. My husband is now friends with him too. Enough time has passed, and we are only friends now, so if I were to refer to him, I probably would call him a friend. Sometimes I might refer to him as an ex but not too often. However, another ex I will always refer to as an ex because we were never friends before or after and it ended on bad terms. He will always be an ex to me.
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