A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What does it mean when someone apologizes to you but their back is turned towards you? This happened to me with a n employee at work. I am the boss and I thought this was highly unusual behavior.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): I am the OP.Thanks for the feedback, oldbag. Yes, her behavior is very odd and disappointing. It was almost like she was a child who had done something wrong and did not want to face up to it. This is not the behavior I am expecting from a grown woman and a manager. I had tried to talk to her about her behavior one on one and she just said, "I said I was sorry!!" Saying that phrase never goes well, anywhere. I run a business and expect my employees to handle themselves accordingly. No disrespect, but I do not have time to be a therapist as well.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 As she approached you to apologise then she knows she did wrong and doesn't want to lose her job - seems odd she didn't face you
I would have a one to one assessment with her, maybe make targets of behaviour and set out a plan for her to follow
with clients
She clearly is not happy with something, just as your not
Does she get on well with her colleagues?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): Thanks for replying oldbag and female anonymous. I am professional and would never discipline an employee in front of anyone else and always do so in private. She approached me at the end of the day to say this and in this manner. This was after a day of attitude and arguing from her. I am not at liberty to say what she had done. But let's just say it cost me two clients because of her actions and incompetency. It is not the first offense with these clients. It is the second complaint from them. I can not keep losing clients because of an employee. This is her 6th complaint from clients. She does have her good points about her. However, in the end, I can lead and manage employees but I can not change a person or their attitude. CindyCares is correct in her assessment.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 August 2014):
 The OP agrees with me, and I agree with her :).
Of course it is her territory. Her employees ' thoughts are not,- her employees' ACTIONS, and lack of respect, are. Apologies offered by a butt are not acceptable.
I would not fire an employee just over this one single episode ( I do not even know if I could, legally- I guess it varies according different work legislations ) ) , but I would let her know in no uncertain terms how she is expected to behave when dealing with authority/ seniority at work.
I am also not too sold about the " one big happy family " at work. As for that, I got my very first job because my then bf got his father to hire me. So, I was dating the boss's son, and I was spending some off work time , at the boss's place, including several weekends and a couple of Xmas..... more family than this... :)
Yet, when I got my dressing downs at the office ( which I did like everybody else, the old man was a demanding holy terror ) I knew better than turning my back on him. If nothing else, just out of minimal, basic manners - which hopefully one uses even with his/own family and friends.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 August 2014):
It sounds like she was embarrassed - if you spoke to her in front of other employees especially. She is older and maybe finds it hard to be told off by somebody young, felt foolish.
You don't say what she did wrong and why she had to apologise in the first place?
I say give her a break too, hope you don't sack her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): Give her a break. I think as she is very old she was too embarassed by her actions and the situation to face you, I don't think she meant to seem insincere!!! Don't sack her because of this, that would be a terrible error to make.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): Ciar. thanks for replying. But I agree with Cinycares. . .It is my concern because I am her employer and her senior. Acknowledgement is not turning your back on your employer and apologizing. I try to be emphathetic to my employees feelings but I was always raised to look at someone in the eye when you speak to them. If you can't because you are emotionally overwhelmed, then excusing yourself first is acceptable.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 There isn't much information to go on here so all we can do is hazard a guess. The woman may be genuinely remorseful or ashamed or embarrassed or concerned that she might tear up depending on your response. It could be anything.
OP, it really doesn't matter what she's thinking. That's her territory, not yours. What matters is that she's acknowledged that she's said or done something you or others find unacceptable and she won't make that particular mistake again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): There are universal rules of behavor and someof them when apologizing look at the person you are apologizing to, not turning your back on that person. I would take its an offense really, even more so if the person didn't apologized at all than apologized like that. It can mean only one thing that she doesnly to shut you up.
Unless she was crying.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (20 August 2014):
 Well, at my workplace subordinates play pranks, milder or wilder(!), on bosses and they all get along like one big happy family. They can also easily be dead serious and responsible when required.
I, on the other hand, am the type who is always careful not to upset, hurt or offend. So naturally I am not flooded with pranks or nasty jokes, quite the contrary. And I do appreciate when people make eye contact as it feels more respectful.
So, to a person like my ex lead the situation described here is not a reason to get alarmed, just part of the landscape and he is in fact held high in esteem and recognized for his people management skills.
What's not OK is when a person with a different approach who has a very strict desire for labels and formality and tries to enforce them receives these type of responses in return, the 'whatever, I'm sorry' without truly meaning it. Granted, I would probably take offense too in this case. But admittedly I am accustomed with less rigorousness at work in these regards, just mainly good faith in that everybody is well-meant and their drive for results. But I agree that it's not everyone's cup of tea and the culture is different in each company. You might have to reinforce this at the workplace.
We have for example 10 basic rules hanged on each desk about respecting the individual and their work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): Thanks CindyCares, it is the OP. Your post put everything in perspective. Bittersweet, I have made a decision.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014): Thanks bitter boss. I own my own business and it is a tough job to be a good leader. Lots of words of wisdom there. I just found her behavior unusual. At first I thought she was trying to hide tears because she was wiping her face but I always look people in the eye when I speak to them. Found it strange I was having a conversation with her back !? She is older than middle aged. I just wondered if there was any psychological meaning behind that? Meaning, is the apology sincere? I like giving employees chances if they error but if they are not sincere in their apology, that is a different story.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 August 2014):
Hard to know without a bit more of background info, but, as first impression, I would have to say that he is giving you begrudgingly a " whatever " apology just to get you off his case, or because he is forced to, or he knows his job is on the line- but he does not mean it at all.
Who's ever heard of an employee apologizing turning his back to his superior ? pardon me, bitterblue, but whatever the difference is between a leader of a boss ( I haven't checked your link , I will asap ) you just don't talk to a person in position of authority / seniority over you showing them your butt rather than your face, that's not polite and not respectful. You don't do this with your boss ,nor your teacher , and not even with your dad.
Actually.... you don't even do that with your peers, if you 've got something to tell them , particularly something sensitive or important, you show them your FACE.... you don't let them talk to your butt.
Different groups and different societies have different rules, granted... but I'd say that this is pretty much universal.
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