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female
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*hef Angel
writes:We purchased a home for my son and his fiancée and their daughter with his trust. We have been renovating the home to have it ready for them by August .I noticed my husband becoming more and more distant and him working different hours than he ever had before. He owns his own business so he can change his schedule anytime he wants. Skip ahead to The present. A couple weeks ago my suspicions drove me to look at the phone logs. I see every 5000 text message in one month between my husband and my son‘s fiancé. There are also 2 to 3 calls a day which usually equal an hour total. Messages start from the very second he leaves the house until he returns home. I wonder how he runs a business? I don’t see many calls from his associates. I confronted my husband, I said it was inappropriate and I wanted it to stop! I find out that he immediately had text my sons girl who sent a text to my son and now all of them think I’m crazy and want nothing to do with me. I cannot believe my son cannot see this as a problem. He is willing to let his father and mother divorce over this rather than to lose his little family. They claim that the texts are so often because we are reaching the deadline of getting the house finished and they talk about the baby and sometimes she has a problem that she needs to talk to my husband about. Because my son will have zero contact with me and has blocked me from any way to reach him, I cannot even prove my concern. Nor do I really want to start that drama. I just wanted it to be between my husband and I.What do you think The chances are that they are having emotional affair.
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affair, divorce, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2019): If your mother paid for the house, then you've got all the leverage. You can pull-out all the stops and stand-up for yourself. If you think you're right in all this; then present your supportive-evidence and put locks on all the doors. If you're looking for some easy means to resolve this, you will never find one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): I do find it strange that he texts her as soon as he leaves the house and stops when he gets in. If there were that many messages necessary to discuss arrangements for the house, why can't at least some of them happen in front of you?
It doesn't make sense to me. LOTS of messages but not ONE in front of you? That would make ME wonder.
Also what makes me wonder is the fact that once you had asked him if he was having an emotional affair with her, that he went straight to her to tell her. THAT is not normal behaviour in my opinion.
If he wasn't, I don't think he would want to mention the suspicion that he was, to her. I would have thought that that would be too embarrassing for him to discuss with her. The proper course of action would be to discuss it with you. They sound rather too close in my opinion.
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female
reader, Chef Angel +, writes (26 July 2019):
Chef Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the question To clarify things my mother paid for the house. Not my husband. I understand she has input but we all work at that house together 20 hours a week. We have no contractors. We go everywhere with them to pick out appliances, wall colors, everything is their choice and we’ve all been involved. They will text each other when we are all together as records show. I’ve always been locked out of his phone so I’m looking at just the amount of text going back-and-forth he will not share them with me. He knows this is pushing my buttons so it is on purpose. We have been having a difficult time in our relationship of 31 years. She is aware of that. Apparently he confided in her about our problems. That she told me herself. She asked me if he was really good in bed. I thought that was inappropriate! Now that I asked them to stop texting so much, they now meet on Facebook messenger. And it’s not a typo, 5000 a month.
The only problem between my son and I is that he is not 100%. He has Asperger syndrome.
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female
reader, Chef Angel +, writes (26 July 2019):
Chef Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the question To clarify things my mother paid for the house. Not my husband. I understand she has input but we all work at that house together 20 hours a week. We have no contractors. We go everywhere with them to pick out appliances, wall colors, everything is their choice and we’ve all been involved. They will text each other when we are all together as records show. I’ve always been locked out of his phone so I’m looking at just the amount of text going back-and-forth he will not share them with me. He knows this is pushing my buttons so it is on purpose. We have been having a difficult time in our relationship of 31 years. She is aware of that. Apparently he confided in her about our problems. That she told me herself. She asked me if he was really good in bed. I thought that was inappropriate! Now that I asked them to stop texting so much, they now meet on Facebook messenger. And it’s not a typo, 5000 a month.
The only problem between my son and I is that he is not 100%. He has Asperger syndrome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): Typo corrections:
"She may have some ideas she would want included in the renovations to make the house "their home!"
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): If you're renovating a house for your son and his fiance'; I'm inclined to believe the calls were for the reasons you were told. His change of hours is at his leisure; if he owns the business. Who's checking on the contractors and their progress, if the house has to be ready for August?
If she calls your husband for fatherly advice; it could be because he is wise and she trusts his wisdom and counsel. He runs a business, and controls the finances over their home; and I would assume he is the one you'd go to for updates on how things are coming along with the home-improvement project. She has to prepare for a wedding and a move! She may have some ideas she would want included in the innovations to make the house "their home!" Unless you and your husband are deciding on the colors of the walls, the flooring, the kitchen design, bedrooms, and everything?
I think suspicion may have gotten the better of you. However, blocking your own mother and all that is a bit drastic! I will not understate that accusing your future daughter-in-law of having an affair of any kind with your husband is going to go over well with anyone accused. Your son is justified in his anger with you. You didn't stop to consider anything but the worse! Didn't you read the content of the messages? You went so far as to snoop his phone!
I'm just suggesting another way to look at it. I could be completely off the mark. I don't think going as far as blocking your own mother is right. That's a bit nervy when you're expecting something like a house and wedding from your parents. It's not just from daddy, its also mom's gift to give! You deserve respect and benefit of the doubt; but you must also consider you didn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt!
If your husband allows this to go on without being the peace-maker and settling this issue; then I guess not only will there be a wedding in the family, but a divorce as well. He has the power to quash all this. He still has to prove his innocence, you're his wife and he's a married-man. His duty as a husband and father is to keep his household in order; and to reassure his wife when she needs reassurance.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 July 2019):
 Let's do a little statistics here:
American's ON AVERAGE sends 94 messages per day. Which is 2,820 a month. And you say they are sending 5,000 a month?
Young Americans send almost ten times as many texts as Americans over 55.
If you made a typo and it's 500, it kind of makes more sense. 16 per day. Especially if they are discussing house renovations. While I DO find it odd that he ONLY text and call AFTER he leaves the house and they END before he gets home, it doesn't prove anything. There are PLENTY of people who will text a "lover/mistress" while sitting RIGHT next to the spouse.
I have to ask OP, WHY was cheating the FIRST thing that came to mind when you saw how frequent they text?
MY husband volunteer with the high-school's choir and band and middle-school's choir and around event he DEFINITELY texts the other volunteers (who ARE mainly women) a LOT, doesn't mean he is cheating or thinking of cheating. When our sister in law were planning his brother's birthday party she texted an insane amount (mostly) to my husband to coordinate, ask suggestion etc. Doesn't mean they were cheating either. And I would NEVER have jumped to that conclusion.
SO what made you "go there"?
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reader, OldSoulGirl +, writes (26 July 2019):
Wow, hold on there.
I feel like there’s more here you’re not telling us. Like the other replier said, it makes zero sense to be able to text 5000 in a month between them. Was that a typo or an exaggeration?
You didn’t I]even clarify what the texts pertain. I think we all know what kind of texts emotionally involved people would send...
That’s probably all it is — updates on the house. I can’t blame them for reacting in a negative manner because you’re trying to break two families apart that consists of people close to you. I hope you can find a way to work things out with your son, but try to address this in a rational matter.
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reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (26 July 2019):
 Do you really mean 5,000 msgs per month, or is that a typo and you meant to put 500? 5,000 would equate to nearly 170 messages EVERY day, including week-ends. Is that even possible? They would both need to be on their phones messaging nearly constantly all day every day.
For your son to cut contact with you makes me wonder if there is more to this story than appears in this post.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): Wow! What a hot button issue you have on your hands. You need a sit down meeting with your son, his fiance, your husband and yourself! You need a valid reason why your husband and sons fiance, would be texting over 166 times per day on average! You need a valid reason why when she has a problem she is not contacting her own future husband instead of her future father in law! You need to read them both, the RIOT ACT! This is not appropriate behavior, for either! Even if it was all innocent, it is upsetting to you, and your husband should end the behavior, by telling her to end these contacts, right in front of you, and your son, to avoid even the very appearance of any wrong doing! If anyone objects, and will not come to your meeting, the you pull the plug on giving the house to your son and fiance! If your husband objects or forbids your plan of action, have divorce papers served on him and take half of all of your shared properties including your sons planned new house! Say wht you mean and mean wht you say!
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