A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We have had a couple of discussions about his ex. She is gorgeous (I thought she was pretty but reasonably average but his friends and him seem to think she's the hottest thing in the world). I have been quite jealous of her because I know he was hung up on her after she broke up with him. I got in the habit of obsessively looking through her photos on Facebook. I realized this behavior wasn't healthy and blocked her so I couldn't look at her anymore. She then texted my boyfriend to ask why I'd blocked her .I'd never met her and the only way she could have known I'd blocked her is if she looked me up and couldn't find me. I thought it was very cheeky of her to text him and say such a thing. Is that strange behavior? I was absolutely mortified that she'd noticed and immediately unblocked her as I don't want her to think that she has power over our relationship. Was this an unusual response from her? What do I do now?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 October 2014):
 No more strange than your own behavior. My guess is she wanted to "obsess" over YOU, the NEW GF, just like you have been OBSESSING over her, the OLD GF.
But for HER to ask him why you have her blocked I do find cheeky. It's none of her business. And I hope that is what your BF will tell her. I would tell HIM that you prefer to keep your FB private for people you ACTUALLY know. I doubt she can honestly tell if you have her blocked or just use HIGH privacy settings.
YOU did the right thing in blocking her, it isn't HEALTHY to "stalk" an ex on FB or elsewhere. Go back to blocking HER you don't need to provide "fodder" for her entertainment and imagination.
It's after all YOUR Facebook page, not hers.
Then let it go. And tell your BF to do so as well.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (18 October 2014):
You say it was a strange response from her, but the strange element to this story is your obsessive behaviour, continually looking at her profile and pictures. Why? IT probably seemed a strange thing to her for you to block her, but whether you block her or not you still have an unhealthy obsession with her. You say that you unblocked her so she wouldn’t feel she had power over your relationship. Do you actually believe she wants to have that power? Maybe she’s just moving on with her life. This profile and these pictures aren’t put up there to torment you, they’re not an attempt to show you she has power over you and your relationship, you’re the one giving them that meaning and significance, and you’re doing it because your fear is that your boyfriend isn’t over her. This isn’t about who blocked who or who texted who, it’s about the fact that the most powerful thing in this relationship isn’t you, him or the ex, but your fear that it’s her he wants. Either you remove her profile from your view, talk to your boyfriend and tell him your concerns and let him give you the reassurance you need, or call it a day and end the relationship. That’s the choice you face, without getting sidetracked by blocking, texting or any other such nonsense.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2014): If you think about it, you're both checking each other out to know what the other has got etc. So in that sense, that's not weird because you're both doing it so you obviously both have the same idea. As for her texting your boyfriend to ask why, I don't think she's annoyed or frustrated that you blocked her, I think she's probably realised that you're looking at her as well and she's probably thinking that this will start something between you and your boyfriend, an argument or something. Personally I think you shouldn't keep blocking and unblocking her, it's going to start looking childish. Pick one, you either don't want her to see you and you don't want to see her, or you do, then stick with it. Facebook is a pain in the neck, it causes so many problems. Be the grown up here and take a path and stick to it otherwise you're going to cause problems with her and they'll spread to your relationship.
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