A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:The guy I like, who I don't think likes me, only really takes interest in popular girls. They always know what to say, and although I've been told by my friends that I'm prettier than most of them, my lack of confidence publicly lets me down. I'm always stuck of things to say.Anyone give me any tips?
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female
reader, zed +, writes (13 December 2006):
Take the pressure off yourself by asking lots of open questions...like so what are you up to this weekend...ask questions starting with WHo, when, what, where or how then they can't just answer yes or no. Everyone likes to have an interest taken in themselves so find out about him and he will be a lot more interested in you than the girls that can only talk and brag about themselves...good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): Well I don't think this is solely your problem. The guy you like likes the popular girls for what reason you think? That they can possibly boost him image in school? Make him fit in more with the popular crowds? Think about it. Would you rather compromise your own integrity for some guy like him? My gosh.
However, if I read your words wrong, meaning "he SEEMS to go after the popular girls because they are so open and talkative" then I say, if you can't naturally come out of your shell, then no amount of listening to us telling you how you can improve your speech patterns will help you. Ultimately, that willingness to want to talk to anyone with natural sway is up to how confident you are about yourself in a social setting.
Do you find yourself having a hard time doing oral presentations? Do you find yourself having a more difficult time interacting with other students outside of your current friends? Do you find yourself reading tons of books, or sitting in front of the computer all day, or studying lots, or going to the library by yourself, or walking around the school solely with your friends or by yourself, or going home away from school for lunches? If you do, those things can be contributing factors in your shyness - they are the apparent things that make you look and feel shy and non-confident.
It's one thing to be snobbish and indifferent and another to be confident and sure of yourself.
So you ask again - "How do I talk to him?" I don't know, for you I don't know. However, I can tell you how you can improve on your confidence, but please note that this takes time and effort, and it's not something you can do in 7 days - eg: "Be Confident In 7 Days For Dummies". Just doesn't work that way.
Find your niche. Your strengths and weaknesses - and I'm not talking about the inability to talk to others. I'm talking about the things you can do and not do on your own. Stress on the things you know best, then expand yourself outward, reaching out to other things that may interest you. Generally from my experience, people gain knowledge in the things they read and re-interpret in their minds. People gain compassion when they have gone through enough negative experiences that they pick themselves back up with the help of their friends and family through a time of reflection, observing others' mistakes, and how you think you can help them or how they can help themselves. People gain the willingness to follow through when they develop their own ethics and principles - on what they can do, how they do it, with what methods to give the greater vision the best positive benefits. People gain confidence by all of these combined over time. Mind you, I might not be too clear here, as there are details.
[ponders]
Then again, you want a now-answer... [sigh] So impatient. [wink]
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A
female
reader, Lolly3 +, writes (5 December 2006):
I am the same as you, I find conversation with new people, especially men, very difficult. They to several things you have in common to chat about. Go somewhere - cinema, pub and just have fun!!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (5 December 2006):
 Hi,
Just try to be yourself. Take the guys like you take your female friends. Enjoy their jokes, dont worry about your responses just say what u naturally would in conversations. Be natural and down to earth. That is all there really is to it dear!
The more u interact with guys the more confidence u will become so dont hold back just go for it. A guy who likes u will because of who u are u dont have to be somebody else.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, zed +, writes (5 December 2006):
Take the pressure off yourself by asking lots of open questions...like so what are you up to this weekend...ask questions starting with WHo, when, what, where or how then they can't just answer yes or no. Everyone likes to have an interest taken in themselves so find out about him and he will be a lot more interested in you than the girls that can only talk and brag about themselves...good luck.
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