A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I am so confused so hoping you can help! I basically met a guy back last summer. He approached me on a night out and we were seeing each other a little. It came to light that he had recently got out of a relationship at the time, and it soon became apparent that he wasn't ready for another any time soon. I recognised this and we ended things civilly.He is 2 years younger than me and I'm fairly secure in what I want (I have been single a while) I'm also really independent so I never chase guys who say they aren't 'ready'. However, he has always maintained contact. I briefly dated someone else and so did he but they didn't work out. We met up again recently and he said that the only reason things didn't work for us was the timing. Since then, we have become friends. Nothing has happened physically but we hang out and he messages me a lot. However, this week he has become really distant and is acting totally out of character. He messaged me saying that I never contact him first. I apologised and said that its due to past experience that I don't like to put myself out there. Since then, I have been making an effort to check in with him first. In return, he has been ignoring my messages for up to a day before replying! Im really hurt because I thought we were friends but Im confused also as I don't know where I am with him! Im starting to wonder whether its his personality as he is quite up and down. Technically he's doing nothing wrong per se so I don't understand why its hurt me this much and I don't think I deserve this! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2014): [Edit} "He made has your attention; now he better be able to provide a decent explanation, or leave you alone."
Correction: He has your attention; not he had better be able to provide a decent explanation, or leave you alone.
Sorry!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2014): He's acting immature and playing a childish game of tit-for-tat. He's got a bug up his ass,and it's time to stop messaging. Call, and get to the meat of the matter. What's going on?
When people act abruptly out of character, they're either experimenting with drugs, drinking too much; or they're going through hard times. They often take out their frustrations on friends and family. That's because they need feedback for their anger; or they're begging for attention.
He made has your attention; now he better be able to provide a decent explanation, or leave you alone. I think an apology is in order after you made an attempt to correct what he claims is the problem.
My suspicion is he's just irritated; because he's got feelings you don't seem to reciprocate. He's looking for a sign from you that you might have some romantic feelings on reserve. He's not comfortable in the friend-zone, and annoyed there might not be any possibility of getting it on.
If he has been sending confusing romantic signals that you've played off, or just didn't pickup? There's your problem.
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