A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a very hard time with losing my virginity. I'm 20 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. I've tried several times to lose my virginity, but it just never seems to go right. We've tried every position we could think of but the pain is always unbearable. I don't think the problem is physical, but I think it's all in my head because I typically can't stand pain and I always anticipate that it will be the worst pain ever. It's not that he doesn't do his part...he does everything to make me as comfortable as possible but we get really frustrated with one another every time we try and end up arguing. It's taking a toll on our relationship! I don't want anyone to think that I'm not ready...I am 100% ready. I don't feel pressured into this. What's the best position?? What can I do to be more relaxed and take the pain?? Please Help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): I lost it a few weeks ago! Thanks everyone for all the advice. It honestly wasn't that bad as far as pain goes. I've never been happier and my relationship is amazing now. =)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Not yet, I've been away at school and he's had to work all weekend but maybe between tomorrow and Thursday. =) Hopefully
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 Good to hear back from you, have you given any of the suggestions a try? Has things worked out?
Another option is to focus on inserting the tip of the penis, and not the entire penis at once.
Or use vibrators, or dildoes. Do you have any of those? To get used to having something enter your vagina. Pick a vibrator or dildo of a fairly small size, but larger than your finger, and play around with it.
I say just go for it though, do it and it'll hurt the first two/three times, but after that it gets better and is so worth it. The pain doesn't last forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Thanks for all the answers I've read so far. To chigirl, to answer your question about whether we've done other things: Yes, we've done just about everything else under the sun that I can think of. Yes he has made me orgasm before. We just still don't feel as close as we think we should feel no matter how much we do other things. And I understand what you're saying about needing to have a strong relationship. We do have a strong relationship, I think this would make us a lot stronger though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): my first time was only a couple of days ago, i didn't bleed but and i was not in any pain which was surprising as i hate pain, we've been together for 3 years and i'm 17 years old, we tried once before when i was 15, his penis was just touching the edge and it hurt like mad so we stopped, but then a couple of days ago i realised the pain will be worth it so i decided just to not think about the pain i was about to go through, once he put it in there was no pain and i was glad, i think that may have been because i made sure my body wasn't expecting pain, haha, i'd just say relax and take things slow x
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 August 2011):
How about just doing it? Have a terrible first time screaming in pain and agony, but at least you'll be getting it over with. And, it can't possibly be the worst pain you'll ever be in in life, just think about giving birth. Something way bigger than a penis will be coming out of there... and it will hurt so bad that this pain you feel now will be a laughing matter.
If nothing else has worked: bite the bullet and get it over with. Grab a piece of cloth and bite into it and use lots of lubricant.
You can also, unless you're highly against it, get high or get drunk and then do it. Drugs (alcohol is a drug) desensitize you and numbs you, so you don't feel pain.
After all this time trying and failing at losing your virginity I can understand the frustration! And it's only piling on to the problem, adding more pressure, adding more stress, adding more nervousness and anxiety. It'll get worse and worse. Can your relationship take it? All this frustration will not go away as soon as you start having intercourse... it will take it's time before it disappears, and you need to have a strong relationship to be able to survive it. This means both of you need to be taking especially good care of your relationship in the time to come, nurture it and take good care of each other.
Do you have sex by the way? I forgot to ask. There's other forms of sex than intercourse, and it is important that you have sex with each other, know each others bodies, are intimate. Has he made you orgasm?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): My first time hurt really badly well so did the 2nd and 3rd and so on, but you cant just think of the pain you just gotta get through it.. If you just want it to happen quickly i suggest missionary..once its in its out of the way, i think your scared of pain and thats not gettin you anywhere, you have to go through it at some point.If you want to control it and be able to stop once its too much then cowgirl.
Just dont think of the pain, think you can do it and for your bf too cos í bet he´s upset about it too and thinking he´s doing something wrong
Good luck :)
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 yes this sounds more psychological than physical. you have tried and it hurts so that in turn makes you expect pain and you tense up more the next time you try. all i can suggest is more foreplay, plenty of lube in case you are not wet enough. would be helpful for your boyfriend to finger you first plenty of times if he has not done already. its all about being relaxed, that's the key. maybe have a nice massage together, or a drink might be able to relax you (that's what i did) and then he just needs to take it very gently that first time. you could maybe see a gynaecologist to make sure there is no physical problem, and put your mind at rest
x
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female
reader, LatinaChick  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Ah, I lost my virginity to my ex who I was with for two years and yea the pain is defo a big issue but truthfully just let him insert it all the way and it will pop your cherry. after a few times it will still hurt and you might have blood from the thin layer in your vagina which is basically skin. but it will feel much better the more u do it and especially if its with someone u love :) so go for it and pop it the pain will go and no worries i cryed my first time lol so i understand :)
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