A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey guys. urgh, sorry this is long, but please explain this! i slept with a guy ive known for a few years now (we'll call him mike), we went to school together. we were flirting for weeks and bada bing bada boom.. you get the rest. anyway i asked him before we slept together if he had any feelings, simply because id always had a bit of a softspot for him and i wanted to know if he felt the same, but he told me he was just having a bit of fun. i didnt mind, id not long broken up with an ex and needed a bit of fun after that relationship!(its not something id ever done before, a one nighter, but id known him a long time and we were good friends, so it happened) i dont get attatched easily so it just being fun was fine with me. anyway, we didnt speak for 2 weeks after, we didnt ignore each other, but we dont see each other around unless everyone goes on a night out which we didnt for those 2 weeks. he didnt call/text me and as much as i wanted to call/text him, i thought id leave it as hed made it clear that it was what it was. which was fine. anyway, 2 weeks later i saw "mike" out again, and he hinted that he'd like to maybe do it again. however, during these 2 weeks that we hadnt spoken, id met a guy who had not long come out of a relationship himself, about the same time as me, and for similar reasons. we spent all night together (we didnt do anything, just talked!) and we got close very quickly. instantly we had that spark and it was lovely. thing is, this new guy, lets call him "steve", is friends with "mike." they play a sport together. so when "mike" hinted at doing it again, i simply explained that id met "steve" in the time that he'd not spoken to me, and that id been getting on well with him and wanted to see how things maybe went. his face kind of dropped and he looked really disappointed, embarrassed and maybe even hurt? i was so confused.. i reminded him that he was the one who told me it all meant nothing, so why should he be bothered? id really got to know this other guy in such a short time, we just clicked, and i didnt want to wait around for someone who had told me he felt nothing? it was just a coincidence that they were friends, and usually i know you dont get with a previous guy's friend. but in this case, "mike" made it clear how he felt.. or atleast i thought he did? when things got a bit more serious, if you like, between me and "steve", i did tell him that id slept with "mike" before i knew him, and that i wanted him to know incase it affected how he might feel. just to be clear up, me and "steve" did get into an official relationship but a while down the line he broke up with me to get back with his ex girlfriend. yeah, talk about a rebound. obviously i felt so stupid because id fallen for him, and id also maybe ruined something with "mike".. even though i dont know if there was anything there because he told me it was just fun. but that aside, here is my confusion in it all. why did "mike" get so weird around me after i told him id met "steve"? i rang him later on the night when id told him, and he said "i just dont get it, one minute you like me then you like someone else". he stopped talking to me whenever we saw each other, and he didnt even go out for a few weeks, and when i confronted him about it he said "i duno what youre talking about, best you just leave it alone yeah?" im so confused.. to top it off, who did i end back in bed with when "steve" threw me to the side? "mike". which i know probably sounds very strange and makes me look bad. but it just isnt like that. but "mike" still tells me he doesnt feel anything, and denies ever getting strange about things. even though when we'd both been drinking one night he said that the reason he got annoyed is because i had "done the same thing to him that i complain about guys doing, and thats going from one person to another". but it wasnt like that? id made it clear i had a softspot for him, but he told me it was purely fun. he couldnt expect me to wait around for him when he not only told me that, but then didnt speak to me for 2 weeks? so i fell for someone, who just happened to be a mate of his, and i took the risk with it, i chose not to let some other guy hold me back for once. which turned out to be a waste of time anyway, because "steve" just used me as a rebound. but i've slept with "mike" now 3 more times. i know how it sounds, like im going between 2 friends. but i have tried so hard to be honest the whole way through. im NOT some slut who just goes between. i slept with "mike" because id had a few drinks and didnt see the harm. but he chose to keep it as just sex, and i didnt choose to fall for his friend, it just happened. and because "mike" told me he didnt care, or feel anything, i thought, well if he doesnt care, why should i? i really like this other guy". obviously i didnt expect him to treat me how he did, but you live and learn.what i want to know is, did or does this guy "mike" have any feelings? why did he get so annoyed at me, and upset, when i got with "steve" ? he kept saying he didnt care, but he wouldnt even look at me the whole time i was with "steve". now i feel so confused. he's slept with me again but still doesnt tell me he feels anything. am i just his bit on the side? did he get p*ssed off because of pride? because he didnt have someone hook line and sinker, like he thought he did? or did he genuinely have some sort of feelings, but not know how to show it? i think i know which answer is correct, but id just like some other opinions. also, please dont comment abusive things as this is just something im trying to learn from. maybe ive made a mistake here somewhere, but i want to know productive opinions, not insults.thankyou so much :)
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broke up, ex girlfriend, flirt, his ex, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou! well steve doesnt know that mike and i have slept together since, after the way steve treated me i do not speak to him anymore, he is now living with his then ex girlfriend, but as far as i know, him and mike still talk and are fine. to be completely honest it says more about mike's loyalty to steve than it does mine, as after steve's behaviour towards me i feel i dont owe him anything. obviously i havent slept with mike again to get back at him as like i said, he doesnt even know about it. god knows, men definitely are confusing! all i know is that i cant wait around for mike forever. i want someone to care about me, for real for once, and i cant find that person if im still stuck on him so he needs to tell me how he feels! thing is i simply CANT ask him, i dont want to ruin the only bit of closeness i have to him. what do i do?
A
female
reader, rachel aniston  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 hey i think mike has taken u for granted ,ya he is damn confused but may be he wants to arose some feelings for u and was testing u b\w those weeks when he dint talked to you after u slept for the first time with him ,y dont u 3 clear up the things sitting somewhere in peace see this will make both of them clear about you plus it wont hurt their friendship ,ya and i suggest you must tell mike that if he wants a true relation then he has to clear it up otherwise if it was all for fun "just for fun" he should not bother about u.
and guys are really confusing i know there may be some hurdles bringing them together but find a way bcoz it can solve your problem to an extent,speak on to them clearly what u really feel without getting depressed or anything.............i'm sure u will get the way because u weren't cheating on them it just happened due to the circumstances.
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