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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My bf of 2 years has night shifts and at the end of the week, I usually drive over to his house and wake him up because he is capable of sleeping till night time (cause of his night shifts)... Well I never saw anything wrong with that cause if we go anywhere we only use his car and he picks me up just as much. My mom brought it to my attention that as a "lady" I should wait for the gentleman to come pick me up, I shouldn't go over with my own car cause it shows I'm desperate or something....she's a bit old fashioned but is she right??I mean we don't live cities away , just 20 minutes and I haven't seen him in 5 days so I don't mind coming over at all....should I wait like a lady? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 I agree with Ciar, I don't think that your mother is trying to be Mrs. Cunningham ( the mother from Happy Days ), I think that she is uneasy about how he is making you " work " in this relationship. If he has a date with you, how is he " capable of sleeping till night " ?? If he's interested enough to see you, he can set his alarm clock and come and get you , or at least make sure is he awake, dressed, washed and shaven for when you arrive. And, since IF you go out somewhere he drives his car and picks you up,... for your mom having objections, it means that that it does not happen that often and she thinks that mostly all you do is holing up at his place according to his convenience.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 November 2011):
 It seems I am the one dissenting vote here, but I have to agree with your mum. If your boyfriend is that tired by the end of the week, then is it not better to let him sleep? If he wanted to see you that badly could he not just set his alarm clock? The issue here is not gender roles. I would say the same thing to a man who felt compelled to let himself in to his girlfriend's apartment to wake her up. This arrangement is a bit too familiar and it's difficult to change when it no longer works. If your boyfriend ever decided he would prefer to be left alone Friday nights, how is he supposed to tell you without worrying or offending you?I'm afraid it does make you look desperate and it's a violation of his personal space. And if this is something he wants then it's very disrespectful of him to treat you like his butler.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): Wow... your mum is super old fashioned.
We don't live in 1950 anymore. This is the 21st century and a woman has every right to take the lead in any situation she wishes.
Besides, as you said he's tired a lot because of the hours he works and driving in that state is just as dangerous as driving drunk.
And most guys like a woman with a bit of drive in them, that aren't just gonna sit around and wait like slaves... that will challenge them emotionally, intellectually and sexually.
Keep doing what you are doing and tell your mum to stop worrying and to remind herself what decade it is.
-Anon
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 No, you shouldn't have to wait at all! Your mum is old fashioned, next thing you know, she'll be insisting that you a chaperoned!!!
If the system you have now actually works for you both, why change it??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): I don't see a problem here. Perhaps if it's a special occasion, like an evening out, it might be nice to keep things traditional and let him come and collect you. It's not requisite though. After all, in this day and age, gender roles are no longer defined as they used to be; men and women are far more likely to meet each other halfway. I think you're mum's reading too much into it! As for your boyfriend, I doubt he's thought anything of the whole situation at all - apart from how nice it must be to see your face when you drop by to wake him up :) Don't worry about your mum. I'm sure she'll stop bugging you about it soon enough. Good luck and take care x
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (25 November 2011):
 I an old fashioned to but sometimes your heart rules your head! If you havn,t seen him for five days i see no wrong in it. But if you seen him like five times this week then its a problem!
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (25 November 2011):
Do what works best for you both, but don't be the only one making the effort.
Does your boyfriend make efforts in the relationship for you? Or is he lazy, and doesn't make any effort. Did he used to make an effort but things have changed?
Your mum is only looking out for you, which is a good thing. Perhaps she suspects that he is not treating you as well as you could be treated?
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