A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a guy i really really liked. But it ended when i found out he was a player. I cut off all contact. Which was hard to do, as i missed him so much, (even though he didn't treat me right).Then after a month i got a call from him out of the blue. I then saw him out a few days later and we talked and he was like 'sorry' blah blah blah. i was having none of it. and i feel a bit guilty afterwards, as i think i came across a bit rude, and even said i didn't even want to be friends with someone that had little respect for me.Anyway, even though i would never take him back, (i hate people not knowing how i feel) so i sent him an IM saying that i felt a lot for him.Anyway, he then tried to contact me a few days later but i didnt answer.To cut to the point, my question is, should i stay in contact with him? is it a bad idea to stay friends with an ex that cheated? he was quite an important person to me before all of this drama!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): Am I right in guessing that your head is saying no, but your heart is saying yes?
I know from personal experience that this is difficult. I think that if you was to stay in contact with him, you would just have to be very cautious at first, and don't let your hopes get too high. He might change. But unfortunately, some people don't change. So if you start to feel like he is messing you around again, then it might be a sign that he is still going to be the same way.
If you decide that you don't want to be friends with him though, then you really do have to stop sending him ANY messages. Even little "Hi, how are you?" ones. Because it will give him the sign that you are still interested, and he will use that to try and worm his way back in.
Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well. Good luck. x
A
female
reader, Vixen Green  +, writes (1 May 2009):
 We all have weak moments from time to time. If you remain friends with this guy, he'll since that and seize the opportunity to get back in. If you want to stay in touch with him, I'd give it a little time first. You need to get over him before you try to be his friend. If you don't you'll just prolong your recovery.
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