A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, my boyfriend has been bringing up sex up the butt. I feel like I don't please him enough because he keeps trying to convince me about this, but I'm clearly offended that I'm not enough. Am I over reacting and taking it personally, or could he just be curious? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): Ditch the sex pest and find a man who satisfies with just vaginal sex.
Dont look back!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): You could give in, but fyi from what I've heard from guys anal only feels a little tighter than vaginal sex. And you probably won't orgasm from it. He's just looking for his own pleasure, aka to brag about to his friends. I like how taboo anal can be, but if you do this he'll just leave you anyway, because he would have stopped asking the first time you said no if he respected you IMHO.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 July 2016):
 No, you shouldn't surrender yourself for the sake of him pressuring you. That would make you just a piece of meat. Buy him an arse sex toy from sex shop
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2016): I can relate to this, because my ex always hastled me about anal, and when we were having regular sex would try to sneakily do it, I would not allow him and he would be really disappointed sulking and whining for days to the point where I felt I had no choice but to give in and keep him happy. He always threatened if I didn't satisfy him he would go elsewhere, and I was at such a low point in my life and had no self worth or value that I unwillingly consented to this. I did not respect my personal boundaries or body enough. I stupidly didn't break up with him and began feeling like a vessel being used by him. Thank god I am not with him anymore. I would tell him if he keeps demanding this and not respecting you then he can go elsewhere, you are not there to give into his every need. Don't make the same mistake I did. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2016): He's probably just curious, if a little insensitive.Look, anal isn't for everyone and if you decide to do it, be sure to use plenty of lube, go slowly and get lots of foreplay in before hand to ensure you are fully stimulated and relaxed... a little alcohol goes a long way in this the first few times. Also, see if he wants to try it in reverse, you penetrating HIM in the anus, he will likely shut up about it, or be willing to try it (as usual, if done right, it can be extremely pleasurable as that is where the prostate is).If you find it isn't your thing now or after, then you shouldn't feel forced or pressured into anything you don't wish to do.But I will say that exploring sex and sexuality with a long term partner is about the funnest thing two people can do with each other and the best eay to express their love for one another.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2016):
 He sounds annoying. No means no. If he's curious about anal sex, put a banana up his but.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2016): Don't let anyone pressure you into things you don't want to do.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  + ♥, writes (7 July 2016):
 Don't do anything that you feel uncomfortable with. Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't give him the right to pressure you into carrying out his sexual fantasies.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 July 2016):
 IS it something YOU want to try?
If no, then tell him it's a no and no amount of him bringing it up will change your mind.
We ALL have dome limits to what you want to do sexually. Some people want to try it all at least one, some don't. Both are OK.
I would say this NEVER do something because you BF is pressuring you to do it, be it anal or jumping off a bridge. And NEVER do it because you fear he would leave if you don't. If a guy LEAVES you over not getting to do anal with you... he IS NOT a Keeper.
Sex is a two way street, it should be fun for BOTH - it's not a porn movie set where YOU as the woman is "serving" his pleasures.
It REALLY is OK to say no to things you don't want to do. Just like with food. I'd eat caviar, but not oysters. Those are my preferences and I'm sticking with them.
It is also OK that he is curious about anal, it does seem like it's the "new black" in the bedroom for many people, because of it's taboo. Being curious is OK too, doesn't mean YOU have to satisfy his EVERY whim or fantasy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 July 2016):
 It doesn't mean you're not enough, but he is pressuring you and that's not okay. Until you're 100% sure you want to do it *for you*(!), don't do it and tell him to stop bringing it up. You never have to want it, you never have to do it and, if he continues talking about it, he's not respecting your consent.
...............................
A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (7 July 2016):
Hes likely either curious or has done it before and enjoys it. Either way, I isn't about you not being enough I don't think. If you don't want to do it, tell him to stop badgering you aa it isn't your thing and you aren't doing it.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2016):
 He could just be curious and not necessarily implying that you are not enough- nevertheless you do not have to consent to do something that you don't want to do or turns you off or disgusts you ( if this is the case ) just to let him satisfy hus curiosity.
If he is curious, he can stay curious, if you don't share his curiosity. It won't kill him if he does not get to live all his fantasies. Hopefully your relationship , sexually and emotionally, does not revolve solely around your butt-hole.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 July 2016):
 It is your body and you give what YOU want to your lover. In the bedroom no-one should try to pressure you into something you aren't happy about. Being 'enough' for someone is not about lowering your standards just so he can get his rocks off. He should be loving you for the beautiful person you are - not where he can stick his dick.
...............................
|
