A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 and have never been asked out. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organisations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking to. I'm petite and I constantly get compliments about being pretty but I dont even think looks have anything to do with the fact that I have NEVER been asked out. Ok i get hit on by the guys who just wanted to get in my pants and would have hit on anyone else if I wasn't there at that time. But yes I get compliments from so many guys, yet they still wouldn't date me. I am extremely easy-going, fun, social and love going out. I can act crazy with people and have a pretty good sense of humour. I meet many people and just go with the flow but the fact remains that I never get a guy interested. I'm modest and humble at the same time; my parents have brought me up with etiquettes so I know how to act in different social settings. I'm trying to put myself out there, I do smile be friendly and approachable and talk easily so if a guy was interested, he would just approach me. I believe the guy is the one who have to ask out the girl. I believe if a guy cares enough, he will pursue me. However, no guy is ever interested in me. And some of my friends don't put themselves out there at all but still get male attention, and that makes me jealous.I used to believe that love will find me itself and when I least expect it but this belief has worn out after 5 years of nothing. I'm actually ok with that, surprisingly but I spend a lot of time wondering why it is that guys don't consider me dateable or girlfriend material. I don't even need a serious relationship, I used to be picky but I'm not anymore and if I find someone interesting then I would go for them. I have asked my friends whats wrong with me and they keep telling me nothing is but I have decided they probably just don't know what it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): have you at least had a boyfriend before?
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 If you as pretty and sociable and likeable as you think, then I would think guys don't ask you out because they don't believe you would accept. They may assume you can and will do better. I think guys like a challenge as in- a girl who's "hard to get," but not as in a girl who is just out of league.
You might also have the wrong perspective on what guys mean when they hit on you. Are you sure every single one just wanted in your pants and nothing more ? Because that's how it starts. Even a guy who respects and knows you still wants to sleep with you because you're attractive and fun. You might be assuming that that's all they care about when they hit on you, but I wonder how many of those guys genuinely wanted to get to know you? If you are seen never giving a guy the opportunity to date you, then how many guys would be inclined to ask you? Physical attraction is the first thing that will take place, because it the first apparent quality.
If you've never been asked out, does that mean you've never been with a guy sexually? Either way that's fine and I'm not implying you should or should not have, but I have to wonder what reputation you have in that department? Do you have a tendency to sleep with a guy, but not want to be with him because you think that's all he wanted? Other people will hear about that as well.
I also believe you need to throw out your philosophy that the guy has the ask first, because obviously, in your life, this has not lead to success. I think you'd be surprised how many guys WOULD date you if you only asked. You seem to have confidence wherein they lack. You are sure you would date a guy whereas he is almost positive you would not.
I'm afraid in order to change your pattern, you need to change your actions and mind frame. It's ok to ask a guy out, it's okay if he's too shy to ask first. Even if it is how you say, and he is not serious enough to pursue you, you need to realize that he won't BE serious because indeed he has no relationship with you. It's not a fairy tale, men don't have passion to chase women they have never dated. If you want a guy who is serious and passionate about you, you have to date him FIRST.
And if you really won't budge and want a guy to be the initiator, you may have to wait until after university. Guys are surrounded by women who are easy to go get. You may be more seriously pursued in a more adult setting in which men are looking to settle down with a life partner, and they are more serious about that partner and the quality thereof.
So I guess In conclusion, either wait, or be a little more open minded. And I don't mean lower your bar for quality of guy as you mentioned doing. I mean open your approach a little bit. You'll find someone! No worries, you are still very young.
~Sy
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