A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm really confused, I'm 16 and my girlfriend she lives about 3 hours away from me and I really really like this guy who only lives 3 minutes away. I know this sounds stupid but is it wrong to want a relationship with someone you can see nearly every day?? I really don't want to hurt my girlfriend but as she is my first but I don't think I'm emotinally ready for my first full lesbian relationship. I don't know how to let my girlfriend down can anyone help me????
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female
reader, matron +, writes (25 June 2006):
 Be honest with yourself and your g/f. Explain that you are a little confused at the moment and dont want to hurt her any more than you have to but you aren't ready for a serious relationship and the reason you know this is because you are attracted to a guy. Explain that you dont want to go behind her back because you like and respect her too much.
You have got your whole life ahead of you, dont tie yourself down in any relationship unless you are 110% sure that that is what you want. Be happy x
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (19 June 2006):
 Just be honest and tell her that you like her but are not sure if a lesbian relationship is for you at this point in time.
People experiment and sometimes think that they are suited to a gay or lesbian relationship and then down the track, decide that they want to try a hetrosexual relationship. This is really common amongst teenagers when you are still figuring out who you are and want you want in a partner. It takes time to understand what you are looking for and experimenting is part of that process.
I would leave out the bit about the guy, as Bev said, would just cause some more pain for her when realistically the main issue here is your own uncertainty about a homosexual relationship at this point in your life.
I would do it in person and be honest. She is probably going to be upset but she will move on and so will you. Ending relationships is never easy but sometimes it has to be done to avoid more pain and hurt in the long run.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 Well, honesty is a good way to start. You tell your girlfriend the truth, which is that a) you're not sure that you're ready for a full lesbian relationship and b) she lives so far away that it's too hard for you to continue. You can leave out Reason C, which is that you're attracted to someone else. Telling her that will just hurt her feelings -- and she'll probably guess that anyway.
Lots of young women experiment with their sexual orientation at about your age, and discover that they're not what they assumed they were. Because your relationship with your girlfriend was your first, you've probably concluded that you're lesbian, but maybe you're not. (Then again, you might change your mind again later.)
The point is, it's not "stupid" whoever you fall in love with, as long as you're honest with yourself and with the other person.
When you find that you have to break up with someone, it's best to put yourself in their position. If you were being dumped, would you want to be told by text message? Probably not! So, what's the kindest way you can tell her that you're no longer interested? Ask yourself what you'd want if you were your girlfriend, then do that.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (18 June 2006):
 I think if you want to be with the this guy then you should, but not just because he lives closer. The only reasons for being with someone are that they treat you well, respect and love you and are there for you whenever you need to talk to them. Just because your girlfriend lives a bit far away, if you loved her, you would make it work.
However, the fact that you're writing this makes me think you are unsure about the relationship you are in with this girl and I think you need some time on your own to discover what is best for you. If you end up with the guy, that's fine, and if you decide going back to her is the best thing to do, that's great too but you need to get your head sorted out and the only way to do that is to be on your own.
She will be upset, of course she will, but if she loves you, she'll want you to be happy and make assertive decisions. It isn't wrong to want a relationship with someone you can see everyday but it is wrong for that to be the only reason you are with them, or aren't as the case may be. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, xxemilyxx +, writes (18 June 2006):
i think you should think 2 yourself which 1 do u think will make u happyer?which 1 will you see most?i think you should explain 2 ur gf that u dont feel you can have a relationship at the moment n then get to know this boy a bit more see how it goesXXX from emilyXXX
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