A
female
age
30-35,
*argentsgirl89
writes:I want to move with my boyfriend and our to kids to Michigan, where we both have jobs waiting and we can stay with his Aunt for cheap while we save up for our own place.My mother died about four years ago, my dad is an alcoholic and was before my mother died but it worsened after she passed of an overdose. He now has a girlfriend, for two years and she drinks more than he does. I have yet to meet her sober. I invited my dad to my daughters (his first granddaughter) first birthday and they both had alcohol in Kum and Go cups. I wanted them to leave but didn't want to ruin the party.I have been taking care of my siblings since I was ten years old and my parents were too drunk to do it. My dad has held his job for twenty years, but he is a functioning alcoholic. I actually dropped out of school at 16 because I was missing too much school to care for the two youngest who my mother drank while pregnant. So they both had a lot of issues.I dropped out and got my GED and tried to go to college but once again that didn't work out.There are four still at home, 19, 16, 12 and 10 and they are all so lost. My dad is home maybe once a week and the rest he is at his girlfriends house. There is no discipline or parental authority at their house. I do what I can, but with two small children it isn't very much. The two youngest have been impacted the most, everyone always yells at them and takes their anger out on them. I've approached my dad but he told me I'm a bitch and a c**nt and should mind my own business.I am scared to death to leave them behind, but I'm ready to start a new life with my own family. So should I stay or should I leave?
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (11 May 2013):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question There have been social workers involved and DFS (department of family services) and nothing happens. They go to foster homes, my dad is sober for a little while and then when the kids come back he starts drinking like a fish again.
There is no family out here that can help them. My older sister is an addict and is currently living in a camper and begging as a way to support herself as I can no longer help her out without sacrificing my children's welfare which I refuse to do.
I'm really lost on what to do. I honestly don't think my dad would care if the children were removed from the home because it would just free him up even more to be with his girlfriend.
Thank you so much for your input and advice, it's very much appreciated!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 You have grown up fast beyond your years and have a caring, maternal and responsible nature. You’re a survivor who toughed it out being a Mother when you should have been a Daughter!? (Role reversal) It is admirable of you to have and want to protect your siblings. Yet in all fairness; now is the time to make your own life and make even tougher discissions for yourself and children; as it cannot always be about those around you. Finally it’s about reaching a point to resume responsibilities for YOU as a woman, no longer a 10 year old child or Mother to your siblings. You may have a sense of abandoning them… Although there is a way of protecting them as mentioned within your Country… (Ditto: They may just flourish) So what happens after that is out of your control and you should not regret moving on. This is the pattern of nature as intended. Later when you establish yourselves in Michigan, review the situation again about having the two youngest visit or live with you? Who knows what doors/opportunities will open up for you there? Keep in contact with them, be their ‘Big Sister’ and see to your own small children who need their Mother in her rightful role :)Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (10 May 2013):
I like your idea of taking your youngest siblings with you. You and your boyfriend can get social service funds of some sort to assist you with your financial needs.......or their needs. Social service can make the decision to remove your siblings into your care......without your father's approval. You can't do this alone seek guidance.
You seem like a very woman. I wish I could help you out.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 May 2013):
 I agree you need to get the DSS involved at this point. You will need to explain the situation clearly to them and that you will be moving out of state. They will monitor the situaton at your father's home and if needed will remove the younger kids and find them foster parents. It would be the best thing in the long run. Usually they do try to keep siblings together and foster parents are usually wonderful people who truly care for children. Your siblings may just florish once removed from your father's horrible irresponsibility. You have to focus on your own family now.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (10 May 2013):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen my mother was alive social services was involved quite a lot, but it never went anywhere.
My Grandmother is 71 and very ill, my step=grandfather isn't there as a grandfather really. All of my Aunts and Uncles won't get involved. All of my dad's family is in Pennsylvania.
I have seriously contemplated taking the two youngest with me, but i know my dad would never go for that and I couldn't afford that even with me and my boyfriend working.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): First of all, I'm sorry you are in this position. You sound like a very caring and loving person. I think you need to start your own life and take care of your family. My concern is your siblings you are leaving behind. The 19 year old not so much but 16 12 and 10 year old don't have a voice. They are in a situation they can not get out of. What a decision.....Is there any other family support, aunts, uncles or grandparents? I would hate to leave them behind. Especially the 12 and 10 year old. We are need guidance and support to grow and have a healthy life. You have a tough decision. I just think you need some support and guidance to make a decision you are going to be happy with. I would contact your local police department and request a social service to assist you with support. That is a big decision to make on your own Good Luck to you and your family....all of them!
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