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No one will rent an apartment to me because of my children! Advice?

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Question - (22 October 2014) 12 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been apartment searching for 3yrs and I have been rejected hundreds of times. I have no criminal back, my credit is decent because I never had credit cards. Its not great but not bad its almost 700. People have been discriminating against me because of my 3 children; teen, preteen, toddler. I'm working with my local fair housing agency who may or may not be able to build a case against some of these landlords. I have proof in texts of the discrimination but honestly going through filing a lawsuit is not getting me a nice place. People keep telling me that I will receive what's meant for me. I've seen so many places from immaculate to slum and everything in between. and not one was meant for me? I never heard so many nos. I'm working with a real estate agent and he shows me places, i never get them. my current neighbors hate because the baby runs and they hear it downstairs but they have 2 babies and i hear their kids too. I'm depressed and miserable, I'm not myself because I'm unhappy here, my kids are unhappy. I'm thinking about going to a shelter. Am i being ungrateful because at least i have a roof over my head. I appreciate it because things could be worst. I feel like I deserve a happy home with my kids and I'm not 100% this is seriously ruining my life. I can't deal. I feel like I'm trapped here with no escape. All comments are welcomed and appreciated

View related questions: depressed, text, trapped

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much YouWish!

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (23 October 2014):

YouWish agony auntI don't know which state you live in, so I'm going to post the site of one state's laws plus some links you can look at to file claims against.

Legally, you having children is called a "protected" status, which basically means they can NOT tell you that since you have kids, you are out. They would get into serious trouble and could lose their license for doing so.

You need a good case, so if you have emailed or written proof of who discriminated against you, that is what you need. Again, this is just a couple of example sites, but I think it's well-written. If this isn't your state, Google some of the important legal phrases in which to find resources that pertain to your own state.

This one's from Massachusetts (thanks to a friend of mine!)

http://www.mass.gov/ago/consumer-resources/your-rights/civil-rights/housing/housing-discrimination.html

This one's from Texas (biggest state, could be you!)

http://www.twc.state.tx.us/crd/housing-discrimination.html

This one's from California (huge state!)

http://www.dca.ca.gov/publications/landlordbook/discrimination.shtml

This one's from New York

http://www.nyc.gov/html/fhnyc/html/home/home.shtml

You can get some ideas here, and if you're working with fair housing, they can put you in touch with pro-bono lawyers who live to chew up and spit out discriminating landlords. I worked with a few of them in my home state in my line of business, and nothing makes a social worker or lawyer pissier than a landlord who steps on single moms and banks that you're the kind of person so scared of the system that you don't know your rights.

Now go kick their asses....and good luck finding a great place! Stupid landlords piss me off!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It's happened so many time I'm not sure where to start with lawsuits but I am working with a local fair housing agency that's trying to help me with the 2 latest iincidents

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (23 October 2014):

YouWish agony auntYou need to start suing then. It's against the law to discriminate because of your children. Check the laws in your state and get things going. If you have the credit and the money for the deposits, then there is no reason they shouldn't deny you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014):

I've read and kept current on this post.

I'm sorry for seeming a skeptic, but some things I have learned to take with a grain of salt.

Your age in post states you are between 22-25. In your update post you state, "My 1st place 6yrs, 2nd 2yrs, current place I've been here 3yrs." That's a total of 11 years rental history, if your age is 25, you have been leasing since 14. Only way it makes since if someone else had you on their lease as a minor, which doesn't count as part of your rental history bc you were a dependent not a co leaser.

Plus, if you are truly bringing in plus 5,000 a month totaling over 65,000 a year. You need only to wait. There is no real issue here. If you are leasing a car great, if you are paying student loans great, if you are paying back a laptop or bank loan great if you are working on any type of credit building great. Although credit takes about 3-5 years to show up good on your credit score. Now it will not lower your points.

Also continuing to try to rent and doing background checks places hard inquires on your credit which lowers your score approximately 4 points for each background check.

You may not qualify bc you haven't had your job long. If you haven't been making 34$ an hour for over a year at least two then some landlords may not be confidant that you can afford it. Actually if you pay your application fee they are supposed to tell you why if they decline you. Maybe you need to do a credit check of your own in order to see what they see. But I have a lot of doubt about the integrity of this post. But if it is authentic, you need to talk to a mortgage banker Or a lawyer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

I can completely imagine they'd say no to you because you have 3 children, especially very young children.

When I was younger, with a young child, it made no difference that I'd graduated with a First Class honours degree, was working full time and had become a single parent only because my husband had abandoned us (and no, I did not marry because I was pregnant) - none of these things mattered. What mattered to landlords is that, 'single parent' only ever spelled 'trouble'. I was told outright that they didn't rent out to single parents, many times over.

Finally I got around this by moving in with a friend who I knew was leaving their apartment. My friend told the landlord I was staying with her and was willing to pay extra rent during that period - I did, I paid the same amount as my friend. In this way, the landlord came to trust me and, when my friend moved out, he let me stay with my daughter. After that, I worked hell for leather to save a deposit and buy my own place. Many years later, I temporarily moved in with my (then) boyfriend and rented out my own place. I only had one application from anyone with children - a young couple with a baby. I have to say I did not give them the property - but the reason wasn't to do with the baby as such - it was because they themselves were so incredibly fussy and he was very dominant that it suggested to me that they would cause me a lot of bother and upset unless I went out of my way to make sure absolutely everything was more than perfect - really, I do not exaggerate here, I felt enormous sympathy for the fact that they couldn't find anywhere to live, but I was also convinced that they would not hesitate to take legal action over the slightest matter - and as a new and very inexperienced landlord I was worried I would not know how to protect myself. In the end I rented for six months to students and then decided that I hated being a landlord - not because they students caused any problem, but because I hated it on principal and couldn't afford to do it in a way I would've liked ie. to offer very cheap rent out of sympathy.

The other respondent is right - most landlords are not rich, a lot are renting out of desperation and trying to improve their own circumstances, but they are NOT perceived in this way - they're seen as greedy and uncaring. Landlords know this and they are hyper alert to any 'extra' possibility of trouble from anyone, and don't want to have the hassle of totally child-proofing a home according to legal standards.

I don't know what to suggest other than find out how to get assisted housing and see if this is in any way possible. I have to say the years I spent saving for a deposit for a flat were the hardest, toughest years of my whole life, but there was absolutely no other way to escape landlords rents - and I was not eligible for assisted housing because I was working - didn't matter I earned a pittance, that was not taken into account. Single parents absolutely do not get a fair deal .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

If you make all these money, then it's not an income issue.

Have you tried Complex

of appartments, not separate houses?

I can't I imagine that they will say no to you based on a fact that you have children. First of they can't discrimante, period. They can only base their desicion ona fact that you have sufficient credit history and income.

The fact that you didn't hAve credit cards should not effect anything.

They can though limit amount of people for a certain appartment. I know there are rules. For example if you want to rent a one bedroom for all 4 people, that could be a problem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

First of all I'm a registered dental hygienist. Recent grad but currently working making $34hr. These places are no more than 1100-1200. Inability to pay is definitely not an issue, I've never been evicted. My 1st place 6yrs, 2nd 2yrs, current place I've been here 3yrs. Never applied to an owner occupied apartment for the reasons you stated. I don't get any assistant, dont qualify. Just need something until i establish credit and can get my own house

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntIf you have had a lot of short term leases (as in getting kicked out - or asked to move) your background check can look sketchy if you have had a LOT of addresses in a short amount of time.

If you are unemployed that can also be another reason, for landlords to be unsure about renting to you. Are you looking for places you CAN without a doubt afford or are you looking for places YOU would like to live? There is a difference.

I don't know if you work or not, if you are a single mother with 3 kids I'm a little surprised that you can not find a HUD house/apartment.

There ARE without doubt places who DO NOT want to rent to family with kids. And they don't ADVERTISE it, because that... can get them in hot water legally.

IF you DO decide to go the shelter way, they WILL have to help you with housing, at least in some states.

If you GET any kind of financial aid, I would seriously ask them to help you.

Since I don't know what State you are in, I am not sure of the rules and regulations, but maybe these two websites can help?

http://www.rurdev.usda.gov/LP_Subject_HousingAndCommunityAssistance.html

http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/program_offices/public_indian_housing/pha/contacts

http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/faqs/renting

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

You Put age wrong, you cant be in your 20s with a teen.

Ar e you a single mom?

Do you have sufficient salary to cover your rent?

The absence of credit history could be one of the reasons. Also if you are a single mom there might be a issue of your ability to pay rent unless you have a terrific job. Are you on public assistant? That might influence a desision also. Did you not get alone with previous landlord?

If you received a no answer from a landlord who's appartment you want to rent and he also lives in a house but separate appartment, he has all the right to descriminate even based on race. If he doesn't want to hear children scream and run that's really his choice.

Also, why children could be a reason is for example. There are a lot of older people in a building, and kids will deffinitely disturb other tenants.

I don't think though that kids are the real reason why you get no's. I think it's more your ability to pay.

Landlords know if you stop paying that will be a huge trouble to get you out of their appartment with 3 children. And they will be loosing lots of income.

To be a landlord is a difficult job. A landlord is not nessesesarily a rich person, most of the time it's the opposite. Most of the time it's a person who tries to have a small investment for retirement and he makes no money on renting to you in a present time as he has mortgage to pay on that appartment.

And for him/ her to not receive rent for several months can be exasperating. That's why they are being so carefull to let a proper person to rent from them.

That's why landlords are being very carefull

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I would love to believe that it was something other than my kifs. I gave basic info to a place like my name, age, the number of children I have, and their ages. If they were going to rent to me, they would've done a background check. They asked me for $30 to pay for the background check. After I gave them that basic info, they didn't even do a background check, they gave me the money back. I never provided my social, birth date, or landlord info so there was really nothing else besides my kids that would disqualify me. One person told me flat out "NO, I can see it now, the neighbors will be calling me complaining because of your kids." My kids weren't with me at that the time that I saw the place. I simply stated how many I had and their ages.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (22 October 2014):

There's got to be another issue... I have kids and know plenty of people who do and they're not homeless. I don't doubt that there are landlords who don't like kids living on their place, but that would only explain a fraction of your rejections.

Are you getting a bad reference from your current landlord? Ask your agent for advice and ideas... But trust me it's not your kids.

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