A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi Cupid,I have a weird question. So, I am newly back on the dating scene after almost 13 years. I am 31.So, I’ve been going on some dates, and a few weeks ago I had two with a lovely guy. We had a great time, connected well and had great chemistry. However, he was just coming off a break up and told me that I was great, but he had no love available to give me because of that break up. That he did expect such a connection, and our timing was bad. It was honest and amicable and I took it well. Because I haven’t dated for thirteen years, I think he was afraid of me getting too attached to him before he moves at the end of August. Ultimately, he just seemed not ready yet. We have chatted a bit since, because we get along well and like talking to each other.Okay, I am doing a lot of explaining for a simple question. So, it’s now been a few weeks since then. Me and this guy had some awesome chemistry together. And I kinda just want to have sex with him. Of all the dates I’ve had, I was by far the most naturally comfortable with him. I am not ready, nor interested in a relationship. However, I do have other desires? Is it out of line/creepy to just write him and see if he is interested in being my little summer fling? Because I’ve been out of the dating scene for soooo long, I’m not sure if this is normal or weird and a massive no-no. I don’t want to do anything inappropriate or uncomfortable!Tl/dr: is it okay to booty call someone you went out with a few times? And what do you even say to do so?
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male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (24 June 2018):
 Totally normal! He'll probably be open to it too. Sex with no strings attached will help you get over your anxiety about coming back into the dating scene and it will help him move on as well. Just remember that too much of this is bad for both of you, as somebody is bound to develop feelings. That being said, I say go for it. Have fun!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 June 2018):
 I'm going to go in a different direction with my advice than I would normally do. I'm going to say GO FOR IT.
The ONLY reason I say so is because this has a hardline expiration date, aka his leaving in August.
You sound like you went through a divorce or another long-term breakup. If you had wanted to have a "fling" with him, and he were staying yet shunning a relationship, I'd say not in a million years, because you'd just be setting yourself up to develop feelings and string yourself along and waste time.
However, if you both want to salve yourselves from your respective relationship losses by having a short fling that doesn't waste too much time and could actually be a bit therapeutic for the both of you, then I say go for it!
BE SAFE about it though. The last thing you need is to get pregnant, which would SUCK!
Have a good summer! Don't lose your head!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2018): It's not creepy; at the worst he'll probably be flattered. The others are mainly answering a different question. I would just be honest with him and speak your mind.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2018):
 I fully agree with WiseOwlE,
Don't "settle" for casual sex. Not with this guy or any other, if that is what you REALLY wanted you wouldn't have been on serious dating site and going on dates with someone you thought could be a good fit.
Instead, ACCEPT that you DO know what you want in a man, you DO know how to meet a good and and you DO know your worth.
Like WiseOwlE said, don't give yourself out piece by piece to men you don't want something with or who doesn't want you. You will only regret it.
While I DO get wanting some sex, some intimacy but I also think the best thing you can DO for you, is to NOT "sell yourself short".
There can be more to what he said. Using the I'm not ready is ONE reason/excuse but it might also be that he just didn't see you two as something more.
Move on.
Try again.
Don't go for something "half-assed" when that is NOT what you really want.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (21 June 2018):
 It sounds like you are already starting to have feelings for him due to the "connection" you felt and because he was easily "the best of a bad bunch".
Women are notoriously bad at keeping sex and feelings in separate boxes. I strongly suspect you will develop deeper feelings for him if you get intimate, only to have your hopes and dreams dashed when he leaves.
He has told you it is bad timing. Listen to him. Who knows where the future will take you both. With any luck, you will meet up again when the timing is better and you are both ready for a relationship. Until such time, my advice would be not to sell yourself short. You are worth more.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 June 2018):
 I don't think it is a good idea either. I understand that you are single now and that you still have needs but having no strings attached sex mostly ends up with one or both parties getting hurt.
The thing is you might think you are up for a bit of casual fun and then you might both end up having a really great connection and then out of nowhere you or he develops feelings but the other one doesn't. That is then when confidence starts to lower as well as self esteem.
Off course the choice is yours if you feel you are able for it, but just proceed with caution.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2018): It's not a good idea. Others may disagree; but I don't think that's how you should start-off your romantic-pursuits back into the dating-world. You'll start to lower your standards, you'll loose confidence in your personality and character; and you will allow men to use you.
I guess hormones get the better of us when we've been alone for a long period of time; but when you settle on pleasing our primal desires, we forget that deeper and better side of ourselves. Sometimes it is very hard to separate emotion from sex; and once the deed is done, there is either a feeling of regret or the frustration of loss sets in.
Let him go. Give yourself a fair chance to meet someone; before you just settle and give yourself away. A little piece of your heart goes with it; and you won't get it back.
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