| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is a Zumba instructor. Classes are all women.The other day in his class he told a participant jokingly to stop looking at his butt.He said this was harmless flirting. Part of the job.Hmmmm.I am not so sure about that.I think it crosses professional boundaries and might encourage the woman in question. I saw this as him singling her out and flirting with her and right in front of me! I was in the class.I was so pissed at him.He said I need to cool down and accept it was harmless fun and not meant as a come on line. He said it's his job to engage with the people in his class. To make it fun and banter with people.It just bugs me to no end! Am I taking it wrong? And should I blame myself for over reacting? Or was he crossing the line?I wonder how he would react if I told a guy in my class to stop looking at my butt!?What does everyone think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 Well OP if you are worried he will get off with one of his clients then maybe you should not be in a relationship with him at all. A relationship needs trust. Something that seems you do not have for him, which leads to the question why? Was he with someone when you got together in his class? Or was he single?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2016):
 You know how they say : if you can do something about it, why worry ; and if you can do nothing about it, why worry.
I mean, if picking you up from one of his regular classes, was an exceptional thing , spurred by an out of the ordinary attraction, - and from that ,you went on to establish a happy, solid relationship, you have nothing to worry, even if he should teach Zumba to a class of nude models.
It's not the fact that he is " capable " of doing this sort of thing, you know he is capable !, he did it with you . But hopefully, if he cares enough about you, he does not WANT to do it again.
If , instead, this is his M. O. - fishing from his Zumba classes someone to date ... just until he can trade up ;
or if you can't say that he is serious about you, and
committed , and deep down you know that you are in transit... ah well, it's not nagging and complaining that will stop the inevitable.
In other words, if you have valid reasons to feel insecure... unluckily there's not much one can do to stop a player; just keep your fingers crossed, and enjoy the ride till it lasts.
If you have no reasons for your insecurity, and it only stems from within you- keep it under control, and under wraps. Insecurity is unappealing and annoying in the long run, and it's a big relationship killer.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 September 2016):
Good Lord the PC crap that people worry about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): Hi, it's the poster of the question.
Yes, female Anon, I was a regular in his class when we got together. He flirted with me too.
And yes, I do worry that he is capable of repeating this behavior with someone new.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): Hi OP.Did your boyfriend ever do anything to you that would make you not trust him ?I would hate to blame your insecurity if he is the one who has made you feel this way by his actions or behaviour. Has he done anything else besides this in a class or outside a class with anyone of his women clients?Were you ever a girl in his regular class and he picked you up? And now you are afraid he will repeat that M.O with someone else?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): He did it right in-front of you, and he explained it to you.
Zumba classes are meant to be fun, and the instructor has to have a personality. He or she interacts with a room full of people. It all seems playful to me.
They sometimes pick on a particular participant in the class in a good-natured way, to reduce stress, to motivate; or they may notice their discomfort. Sometimes people are shy or not keeping up.
Curb your jealousy, my dear. You're in a room full of grown-ups, and he is right there in your eyesight.
Somehow I am certain you've made it apparent to all the females in the class that he is taken. Which is most likely why you're in the class. To establish your territory.
Jealousy, insecurity, and possessiveness are the fastest ways to lose a man.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 September 2016):
I think you are coming across here as jealous and a bit clingy. I would laugh if my fella said that to someone. It is light hearted banter. He is right it is part of his job and it is harmless. If you keep nagging at him for small things, you may very well end up losing him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (2 September 2016):
 Personally, I prefer a bit more formality as well, but I'm with the others. I think your boyfriend's joke was an innocent and harmless one.
There is a different dynamic at play in a salsa class or fitness club, then in certain other classes and I imagine his joke was not so out of line there as it might have been some place else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 September 2016):
I think he would react positively :)- if the other guy were really looking at your butt, and you made clear that you do not ask for nor enjoy the attention.. a bf could only be tickled pink , I guess .
Anyway, it would still be another story, because you would not be a Zumba instructor who is supposed to ( and paid for ) make his class fun and enjoyable and keep people coming and new people signing up - by any means necessary, including humour, banter , and mild flirtation, which are all very usual stuff for recreational fitness activities . It's all in a day's work.
Tbh, personally I don't like when instructors show off and make this kind of jokes, - I prefer them to keep things very " aseptic " and professionsAl. But hey that's me , the old curmudgeon ( .. and I guess than I was young, I was a young curmudgeon ).But I can see that people lap it up and it's part of what keep them motivated .
I mean, there must be a reason why at my dance school the ballet classes taught by excellent, but stern, no-nonsense female teachers have many less students that the "fun " salsa classes taught by sexy young males with hips which rotate at light speed...
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 I have to agree, I don't think it he crossed a line with the comment. It was pretty tame and a bit of fun IMHO. I mean there is flirting and there is FLIRTING. I think you will be doing your self a disservice if you make a big hoo har coming off as the insecure and jealous gf. Next time, have a laugh and if it makes you feel better say something in ear shot of the ladies like " Oh..he's cheeky my bf" because if you give the ladies an inch of indication you are jealous, there's more than a few i bet in that class happy to take a mile of giving it back to piss you off. On the flip side, at least you have a bf that is secure enough in his relationship to be able to do as such knowing that you are there anyway. My advice would be to try and see it from his point that it kind of goes with the turf.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (2 September 2016):
 I think if you carry on giving him such a hard time about such silly little things, you will end up losing him to someone who is not as uptight. Give the guy a break. It is YOU he is going out with. The others can look but not touch.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2016):
 I don't think he crossed a line, personally.
Most instructors of gyms are by nature outgoing and flirty. Male AND female.
Even if his whole class KNOWS he has a GF, it might not stop many of the women for still wanting banter and attention.
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